Free eBook on Depression (Kindle, ePub, PDF)

Dear Readers,

I have updated the free eBook on depression written from a Christian perspective, which is available on this blog, Do Not Let Your Hearts Be Troubled.  It is available in Kindle, ePub and PDF formats.

Feel free to share your copy with anyone you feel may benefit from reading it.

Just click on the appropriate link to download:

This book is a collection of the articles from my blog, Let Not Your Heart Be Troubled, where I share my recovery from depression. The book’s purpose is to offer practical advice and words of comfort to those suffering from depression and anxiety, in the hope of helping them to cope with depression and speed them on the path to recovery. The book has been written from a Christian perspective.

What Causes Depression?

Depression was the most confusing and bewildering experience of my life. I spent countless hours trying to work out what was wrong with me and what it was that caused me to get into such a state.

From my diary, 8th February 1990 -
I think and think,
and try to work out
what has happened to me and why,
and what I should be doing.
But it is a worthless exercise,
I am allergic to my own thoughts.

Months later I learned that I was suffering from depression, and that the illness can be caused by biological, mental/emotional, and social factors, and more commonly, a combination of all three.

Biological Causes

Without going into the technical details, it is sufficient to say that as with any part of the human body, there are a great many things that can go wrong with the human brain and mind. More complex causes of depression can include chemical/genetic imbalances in the brain and glandular disorders. A lack of sleep such as chronic insomnia and a poor diet (including undiagnosed food intolerances) can also cause depression. And ‘there is some evidence to show that severe depression runs in families. This has led to the conclusion that some people innately may be more prone to depression than others...” (1)

I suffered from chronic insomnia in 1989, the year that preceded my descent into severe depression. This had started in my late teens and had grown progressively worse, the result I believe of having undiagnosed complex partial epilepsy. I have only been able to sleep naturally after being placed on anti-seizure meds in my mid-thirties. That year I also made the mistake of eating poorly and skipping exercise. Both of my parents have also suffered from depression.

Social Causes

One thing that I have learned is that our past, and especially what transpired during our childhood years, typically catches up with us once we reach adulthood. Any form of child abuse, whether physical, mental or emotional, and even rejection, can either cause depression or make a depressive episode much worse than it would have been otherwise. Over disciplining a child, or setting unattainable goals or unrealistic standards for them, can also play a factor.

The Christian counsellor I saw when I was depressed spent hours helping me to face and deal with issues from my childhood - issues that during depression had grown out of proportion to become insurmountable stumbling blocks.

Mental/Emotional Causes

‘It is well known that the stresses of life stimulate depression, especially when these stresses involve a loss. Loss of an opportunity, a job, status, health, freedom...possessions...can each lead to depression. Then there is the loss of people. Divorce, death, or prolonged separations are painful and known to be among the most effective depression-producing events of life.’ (2) In November 1989, I suffered a major shock that caused me great stress.

The feeling of being trapped by situations such as those listed above - situations over which we have no control, also contributes to depression, as does a habit of thinking negatively on every aspect of life, including having a negative self-concept.

Another cause of depression is anger turned inward, in other words, towards ourselves. If we are deeply hurt but have no outlet for expressing the ensuing anger, this can lead to frustration, resentment, and deeper anger, which can cause depression. (3)

Guilt, in response to failure or wrong doing, can also cause depression.


One thing I would like to share in closing is that it is common for Christians to suspect that our depression has spiritual causes, since we typically feel so far from God when depressed. I also remember fearing that it was God who was inflicting the depression upon me. When I shared this with my counsellor, she said, “We make the mistake in thinking that because our spiritual life is affected by depression, the cause must be spiritual. But this is incorrect; depression touches every part of us, so why do we think that it will not touch us spiritually?” My counsellor reassured me of the truth, that God does not afflict depression upon anyone. God is a loving God who delights in giving us good and perfect gifts, as well as comforting us in our times of trouble.

Download a free ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles

All verses from the NIV.

(1) Christian Counselling, Word Publishing, 1980, p87.
(2) Christian Counselling, Word Publishing, 1980, p88.
(3) Christian Counselling, Word Publishing, 1980, p88.

tags:
How can a Christian get depressed?
Can a Christian get depressed?

OCD Pure-O - An alternative to flooding.

 Everyone has heard of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), in which a person suffers from obsessive compulsive behaviours. For example, obsessive hand cleaning, obsessively checking that you have locked the door, (i.e., checking it again and again), being obsessed with a particular type of orderliness, and so on.

 But there is another type of OCD, called OCD Pure-O. (The Pure-O stands for 'purely obsessional.')

This type of OCD exists entirely in the mind, where the person experiences obsessive intrusive thoughts without having any external physical compulsions.

 There two main types or aspects of OCD Pure-O (that I'm aware of). One is unwanted repulsive/repugnant thoughts. The other is irrational fearful thoughts which are triggered by an unwanted fearful thought (called a spike) which then leads to hours or days of fearful obsessive thinking (called rumination) as the person argues with/tries to escape from the fearful thought and/or what it threatens/insinuates.

 

In this article I would like to talk about the unwanted repulsive/repugnant thoughts. Without going into much detail, they could be of unwanted sexual thoughts, unwanted violent thoughts, unwanted thoughts of spiders, etc. These thoughts tend to pop suddenly into our mind, causing us to flinch internally (if not also externally) as we do not want to think such thoughts. The thoughts are so repulsive that we:

a) tend to worry where the thought came from. Is it from our mind? Or from our heart? In either case, what does it reveal about me?

b) tend to be so afraid that these repulsive thoughts might return that it causes us to be more anxious, which of course makes us more prone to the return of those thoughts.

 

In most cases and for most people, we do not need to fear where these repulsive thoughts are coming from. We don't need to do an internal witch hunt, we don’t need to spend hours searching our hearts and desires to see if there is something wrong in our inner self. Thousands of thoughts flow through our minds every day, and everyone occasionally has such unwanted thoughts.

A person with a healthy mind just dismisses such a thought out of hand without giving it the time of day. But a person with an anxiety disorder or depression has a tired mind that is already stuck in a rut of thinking fearful thoughts. So such a person tends to latch onto these thoughts, think they mean something about their inner selves, and then go on an inner witch hunt. But this is not necessary. If such thoughts occur to us, we need to tell ourselves, "These thoughts are not from my heart, they're just random fearful thoughts passing through my mind."

                It is very important that we do not fear the return of the repulse thoughts. The more we fear their return, the more they will return. We also must not get angry at the thoughts and fight them. We need to accept that for the time being, those repulsive thoughts will come, and without focusing on them, let them fall to the back of our mind like background music.

 

I have heard that one method psychologists use to counter this type of OCD Pure-O is called flooding. Which as the name suggests, involves deliberately exposing/immersing the OCD Pure-O sufferer to the repulsive thing/topic, and in doing so, desensitize them to it.

                Although this obviously works in some situations and with some people, it can also cause problems. I heard of a person suffering from repulsive sexual thoughts who was flooded with porn (made to watch copious amounts of porn) in order to desensitize them. The result was that the person was watching huge amounts of porn, which was in itself extremely destructive. They wanted to stop the repulsive thoughts coming, not be immersed so deeply into it that it becomes a significant a part of their life. Not to mention all the warnings that the Bible gives us regarding how sexual immortality such as porn damages us, and how porn so horrifically warps that persons perspective of the opposite sex, and so on.

 

An Alternative to OCD Pure-O Flooding

 We can't make ourselves stop thinking repulsive thoughts by telling ourselves to stop thinking them. The Christian counselor that I was seeing said to me, 'Think of an elephant,' which I did. Then she said, 'Stop thinking about the elephant.' And then asked, 'What were you just thinking about?' My answer, 'Still the elephant.' Then she ran me through the exercise again, where I thought of an elephant, but then she told me to ‘Think of an orange, imagine its texture and what it smells like.” And of course, I was no longer thinking of the elephant.

               So an alternative to flooding, and this is the method I used to be set free from repulsive thoughts, is to create new associations/pathways in the mind, by thinking of something else that totally engrosses the mind and senses, if only long enough for the intensity of the repulsive thought to fade to the back of the mind.

                After asking Jesus to set me free from such thoughts, one day I found to a picture online of a huge wave rolling towards the prow of a battleship. The wave was so huge that I found myself wondering what would happen when that wave hit the boat. After that, whenever a repulsive thought popped into my mind, I immediately pictured that wave rolling through the choppy sea towards the powerful, thick steel prow of the battleship and then crashing into the side of the battleship with an extremely loud 'clang' or 'boom', causing the sound to reverberate right through the ship. I visualized the sight, sound and feel of that wave hitting the boat.

                It took around a year, but by thinking of that wave hitting the boat every time a repulse thought came, it distracted me from the thought, broke its power, and sent it to the back of my mind. The thoughts occurred with less and less frequency until they pretty much stopped. Since then, odd occasion that such a thought pops into my mind, I now just think "Stop!" or "Jesus, help me!" and then turn my thoughts to anything else and it's gone without actually triggering.

 

Unfortunately, I can't find that picture again, but I suggest you find something that interests you, that you have to concentrate to visualize what it looks like, sounds like and feels like (if not all 5 senses!)

 We do not want to be lumbered with repulsive thoughts. As Christians, we want to think wholesome thoughts that honour and please God. We want to have the mind of Christ in us.

 By creating new associations/pathways in our minds, is one way of taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to the mind of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10: 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (NIV)

Hope for Believers with Depression

We who suffer from depression often struggle to keep hope alive in our hearts because everything often seems so bleak, and depression colours/distorts our view of the future.

So I share below some beautiful Bible verses to remind us of the wondrous hope that exists for all who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. Let  us meditate on these verses, read them again and again, write them down, hide them in our hearts, and be encouraged and filled with hope.

(I made two versions, one on a light and one on a dark background. All verses from the NIV.)

What joy, what blessed hope! Jesus Christ died for us because He wants us to be with Him for eternity!

Depression and Counseling/Therapy

In order to identify, face and work through the root causes of depression and its associated issues, it is important that someone suffering from depression sees a trained Christian counselor or Christian professional therapist.

I struggled daily with many overwhelming, destructive fears when I was severely depressed. I was reluctant to share these fears with anyone I knew because I was embarrassed by them, was worried what my family or friends would think of me, and I also feared that if I shared those fears with them, the fears would destroy their lives as well.

Painfully aware that my life was a complete mess, I finally admitted that I needed help from a trained counselor, someone impartial with whom I could share what I was going through and confide in without fearing they would judge me or be adversely affected by the things I feared. They would also be able to give me practical counsel and help in determining what was wrong with me and assist in my recovery.

So when I was ten weeks into severe depression I went to see a local minister to receive counseling. Although I truly appreciate the time he gave me, he saw me just the once and sent me on my way. Though he gave good advice, this brief visit provided only minimal comfort and did not effectively address the traumas that haunted me. This is what I wrote in my diary that day. 13th March 1990 – Well, the day finally came where I saw the pastor. I was hoping for some huge touch from God, such as healing, or deliverance from oppression or possession, but no received such easy answer. As we can see, I was still under the mistaken impression that I could find an ‘instant’ solution to depression.

That the pastor saw me only once brings me to my next point – that we need wisdom in choosing the right counselor/therapist, as some counselors lack the knowledge and experience necessary to help someone suffering from depression. Some ministers think a one-off counseling/prayer session is sufficient, they do not realize that counseling needs to be continued for several months if not years, and on a regular basis. Some counselors make the error of using shock tactics in a futile attempt to try to force someone to pull themselves out of depression, which only places the depressed person under more pressure and fear.

If the counselor we are seeing is not able to help us, it may be necessary to seek another more experienced one. And that is exactly what I did. Two weeks later I went to see another counselor, a very compassionate lady and trained counselor who had experienced depression herself when incapacitated by a near-terminal illness. On 19th March 1990 I wrote – I’m a complete emotional and spiritual mess and I need help, dear Jesus, so I’ll be seeing a counselor in ten days, but I feel really guilty for taking up her time. I don’t want to impose on her. It is normal to be reluctant about seeing a counselor, but we must not let this deter us.

The counselor counseled me once a month for several months. She sympathised with what I was going through, offered practical advice, and through prayer, God’s Word, and her own experiences, helped me to face and deal with several deep emotional wounds and flawed thought processes.

Below are some excerpts from my diary about those counseling sessions.

The counselor said that depression is the worse ailment that we can have, because it affects all areas of our lives: mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. We make the mistake of thinking that because our spiritual life is affected, the cause must be spiritual. But this is incorrect. Depression touches every part of us, which means it touches us spiritually too.

The counselor listed the symptoms of depression, which described my condition perfectly. These included having no hope, being unable to see the future, you cannot ever see yourself getting beyond this current stage, you look at everyone else and wish you were any one of them instead of yourself.

She said that I should be on anti-depressants to help me, and that they will start to work after about ten days.

When I found the courage to share some of my irrational fears with the counselor, she gently helped me to see those fearful thoughts from another perspective – the true perspective.

As a result of her counseling, I was eventually set free from one of the greatest bondage of my life. For much of my life my inner peace had disappeared when about to make a major life decision, and only returned when I gave up all plans to make that change. Because of this, and due to the fact that as a child I had been taught that God would take away His peace to guide me or test me, I had reached the mistaken conclusion that God was actually removing my peace to guide me. The truth was that I had been suffering from panic attacks that were triggered by the stress of making those decisions. It was these panic attacks that had been robbing me of my inner peace, not God at all.

The counselor taught me that God gives us peace. Jesus said “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled.” John 14:27 It does not say “My lack of peace I give to guide you.” We need to make our decisions prayerfully with wisdom based on God’s Word – and do so while dwelling in His peace. She reminded me that Jesus is the Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

It was so ingrained in my thinking that panic attacks were God guiding me that I felt guilty and disobedient for no longer listening to them or doing what they demanded, even though I now knew that they were not from God. To deal with this irrational fear the counselor taught me to pray, “What ever Your will is for my life, Lord, please bring it about - even without my obedience or cooperation. You are God; You are greater than me or the circumstances, so You are able to bring about Your will regardless.”

In another session, by the power of the Holy Spirit, the counselor discerned spirits of fear and terror at work in my life. She took authority over these and broke them in the name of Jesus. ‘The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.’ 2 Corinthians 10:4. Note that this was only the beginning of being set free from fear and terror - I still needed to retrain my thought processes away from the habit of fearful thinking. Changing our thinking until it is in line with God’s Word is a slow but very necessary process. ‘We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.’ 2 Corinthians 10:5.

During our counseling sessions, the counselor also took me back to some of my childhood traumas. We invited Jesus to join us as we recalled those events. This is what I wrote in my diary after one of these sessions:

8th August 1990 - It was really beautiful to see how Jesus healed me of my past hurts. On that occasion when I was seven, and hated and hit myself, the counselor took me back to that time, and told me to look to Jesus and see how He responded. Jesus told me that He accepted me as I was, and gave me a great big hug, and told me that He loved me, and that I did not need to react that way and punish myself, and that he understood. Jesus’ touch brought deep inner healing. Now when I remember that event, I see Jesus standing there, reaching out to and comforting me, instead of the deep pain that had previously been associated with it.

In August 1990 I read the book “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes. From there, recovery from depression was so rapid that at the end of October, the counselor said I no longer required counseling. Although I was still suffering from many of depression’s side effects, she said it was time to get back into things, and encouraged me to join a home group and to return to active service in the church.

This is what I wrote in my diary following that final counseling session.

21/10/90 –
The counselor said I am to pray every morning:
“Lord, this is the day that you have made,
You have put me where I am in it,
therefore fulfill your created purpose for me in this day.”
Every night I am to pray,
“I thank you Lord, I don't understand - but I believe.”

The counselor said that to be in deep surrender to God
means to never look back
with regret upon the past,
nor forward to what I want to be in the future –
comparing ourselves to what we used to be,
or what we want to be,
is a hindrance for resting in God's will.
Each day I am to say:
“I am content to be who You made me to be, today.
I'm content to be where You put me today,
and I'm content to be how You made me to be today.”

Download a free ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles

All verses from the NIV.

tags:
receiving counseling for depression
Christians, depression, counseling/therapy