Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Has God Abandoned Me?

“Has God abandoned me?” is a desperate cry from the heart of many, whether stuck in the depths of severe depression or struggling to deal with a major crisis such as a personal tragedy, chronic health problems, even the destruction of lifelong goals.

After floundering in the depths of severe depression for over three months, I wrote this in my diary:

10th April 1990 –
I see others who live and prosper,
And yet here am I, stuck in this dark prison cell.
Jesus, where are You? Please see my circumstances,
Please hear my prayer.
Please set in motion Your answer, Your solution.
Why have You abandoned me?
Why do You remain silent?
I’ve waited and waited, yet I am met with silence.


Someone suffering from depression typically loses interest in life, experiences a sense of overwhelming dread, has terrifying obsessive fearful thoughts, and also panic attacks, insomnia, guilt, confusion, anger, and a dozens of other disturbing symptoms. A depressed Christian also tends to loose the ability to feel God’s presence, cannot take comfort from His Word, and can no longer feel His love.
If struggling with severe depression or a major life crisis, we may also look at our dire circumstances and jump to the conclusion that these terrible things have happened because God has abandoned us. We cannot comprehend how God could still be with us and yet allow us to undergo such suffering.

Here is another entry from my diary:
28th Feb 1990 –
Dear Jesus, I continually get angry with You.
Why have You allowed this? Where are You?
How long will You remain silent? Why won’t You heal me?
I know what You are capable of, yet You do nothing – why?


We may become frustrated, worried and angry when it feels like God’s Word no longer seems to be working, and when He does not seem to be honoring His promises. We wonder if God has left us to fend for ourselves. We cannot understand why He will not answer our desperate prayers – can’t He see what we are going through? Doesn’t He care?

My diary, 14th June 1990 –
The Heavens remain silent,
and this both angers and disappoints me.
I thought I felt Jesus say that He is carrying me through this.
But how can I be sure?
And if He is, why won’t He let me feel His presence?
Why won’t He help me?
Where is His Word? Where are His promises?


Another common reaction is to fear that we have let God down in some major way, wondering if we have stepped outside His will by disobeying Him, or have committed an unforgivable sin. We wonder if this was sufficient cause for God to turn His back on us and abandon us. And if we get angry with God for letting us go through this inexplicable suffering, devastating guilt may follow these bouts of anger. We may even think that we have lost our salvation and are no longer a Christian.

From my diary, 20th July 1990:
Experiences like the past eight months
almost make you wonder,
it makes me wonder if I am one of His children.


Some Christians suffering from depression or a major crisis say: “It feels like God has abandoned me! I can’t feel God’s presence anymore.” Or, “Why has God abandoned me?”

There are two common threads weaving through what I have written above:

1. We may look at our circumstances and leap to the conclusion that God has abandoned us, and/or
2. We can look at our feelings, and because we cannot feel that God is with us, we conclude that He has abandoned us.

So what can we do when we feel or fear that God has abandoned us? What can help us get through this phase?

Recognise Our Feelings are Deceiving Us

When stuck in the midst of severe suffering, we need to recognise what a friend once told me, “We can’t see properly in times like this. Our feelings completely distort our world view and vision.” It is as though we are wearing extremely dark glasses all of the time. Although light surrounds us, we cannot see it because of the dark glasses.

We Must Not Trust Our Feelings

Bearing in mind that our feelings have become distorted, we must remind ourselves daily that we cannot trust our feelings nor pay them any heed – they are tricking and misleading us. This is hard, I know, because throughout our lives we have learned to listen to our feelings and let them guide us to some degree or another. But what may work for a healthy person does not apply to someone suffering from depression. We need to learn not to place any significance on what we are feeling, and recognise that we may remain in this condition for a while. But be encouraged, this phase does not last forever. When our exhausted mind and nervous system heal, whether this takes months or years, our feelings will return to normal. We will feel God’s presence and love again, and we will take comfort from His word again.

We must not use our Circumstances as a Basis to Conclude that God has Abandoned us

We need to realise that our circumstances are not an indication of whether God is with us or not. We Christians sometimes fall into the error of thinking that while things are going well, God must be with us, but when our world falls apart, it means that God has abandoned us.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Firstly, the Bible assures us that God will never leave us nor forsake us. Secondly, it tells us that we will face trials, and that God will use these for good in our lives, and that He will comfort us in and through them. ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4
‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ Romans 8:28
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

We Need to Keep Things in Perspective

We need to remind ourselves that this world and its troubles are only temporary. We who trust in and cling to Jesus have a wondrous hope – one day we shall spend eternity in heaven and see the face of God and Jesus everyday - a perfect place filled with love, joy and peace. We will also have a brand new body that is perfect in every way.
When I consider the unimaginable, eternal riches that await us in heaven, the temporary trials I endure on the earth fade into insignificance.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' Romans 8:17-18

Trust in What We Know, Not in What We Feel

So if we cannot rely upon our feelings nor upon the way in which we interpret our circumstances, what can we rely upon? We can rely upon what we know and believe.
We know and believe that God is with us (although we can’t feel it), we know and believe that He loves us (although we can’t feel it), and we know and believe His word is all powerful (although we can’t feel it and things seem to be out of control). We know these things because the Bible tells us, and because the Holy Spirit in us testifies to that fact. For now, it is enough to know God is with us, to know that Jesus loves us, and to know that His Word is all-powerful. It does not matter than we cannot feel these things while depressed or our world view has been distorted by suffering.
In reading through my diary entries, it is interesting to see that although I lamented that I felt abandoned by God, in those very same entries, I also concluded that I knew He was still there and still cared for me. I was learning to rely upon His Word instead of upon my feelings.

13th May 1990 –
The Bible says to consider it joy to endure trials,
I must say that there has been no joy in this trial.
It defies any previous experience known to me.
But I’ve been forced to trust God
when it seems like He has abandoned me.
I have been forced to come to a place
where I have trusted Him without feeling like doing so.
All I want to do is cry out that He had abandoned me,
that He is not faithful.
But He is faithful. And I know that.
He is faithful and true. He is Jesus.


14th June 1990 –
I feel so like Job.
“Curse God and die!” my thoughts yell at me.
“Look at this suffering!
How can He be faithful,
when He’s apparently done nothing
for six whole months now - curse Him and die!”

But God is faithful, and I know that –
it is His name – Faithful and True.


Bible Verses that we can Rely Upon

Feelings can change like the wind and are colored by our circumstances, and circumstances can also come and go. However, God's Word remains constant, it never changes. Let us look at some of those Bible verses now – verses we know are true and can be relied upon.

God’s Promises to Never Leave Us

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 28:20 “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

God’s Promises that He Loves Us

Romans 8:35,38-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?… For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Galatians 2:20 The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

God Never Changes

God never changes, He is the one constant in an ever-changing world. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Assurance of Salvation

If it feels like we think we have lost our salvation, here are a few verses to reassure us of the gift of eternal life that we receive from God when we believe in, cling to and rely upon Jesus.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23.

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9 And "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.

It does not matter if we cannot feel that we are saved if suffering from depression or going through a major life crisis, what matters is that we believe in Jesus and stand upon His Word. (More on this topic in this article.)

Relying on God’s Word, not our Feelings

One last thought before I sign off. When we have learned to cope with or passed out of difficult times such as depression, we will be able to look back upon the phase where we thought God had abandoned us, and we will recognise very clearly that He was with us and holding us safely in His hands the whole time.
We will also realise that it was during this time that we learnt to rely upon and stand on God's Word, instead of relying on our feelings.

Luke 6:47-48 “I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.”

288 comments:

  1. Came here from Sarah and Jesse Lopez's blog, and I'm glad she steered me this way.

    There is much wisdom here...

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  2. I am SO glad you shared this - and especially the last point, Peter. I have found that true in SO many instances. They say hindsight is 20/20 for a reason.

    Wonderful reminders for all of us, whether we are suffering through depression or not. Thank you for ministering.

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  3. Very powerful post. I can completely relate. You've summed up many a day in my past. Thank you. I will be sharing this on my blog in coming days.

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  4. Thanks for your encouraging feedback, everyone. It is such a blessing to see God using the rough times I've been through to encourage others.

    And thanks for offering to share my post on your blog, Heartreflections, this post was a tough one to write.

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  5. I was just out randomly visiting new blogs tonight and found yours. Came here for the title...my fav verse.

    Loved this post. I have suffered with major depression for the last 7 years. In May I sought counseling and meds (for the first time...spent many years trying to fix it on my own). I've been completely free from depression since that time.

    It has been so wonderful. Like someone turned the lights on in the room.

    My journal entries look much like yours. Wierd how it manifests in similar ways in completely different people.

    Thanks so much for the courage to post it. I'm about to hit the depression subject pretty thoroughly on my blog as well.

    Interesting that I found you tonight.

    Blessings to you,
    Sandy

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  6. Peter, I saw what you stated in your above comments about this being a hard one to write. I imagine so. But I can tell you this was one of your most powerful posts yet, and I've read every incredible one so far.

    I am a huge culprit when it comes to bowing down to my feelings. I repeat over and over, "The heart is deceitful above all things..." I've told so many of my friends that I'm a female David, and though I've only been clinically depressed for a long period of time once, it was the darkest time of my life. The rest of my life I've suffered from mild depression in the form of mood swings, and they are typically hormone-related in nature. Oh, to grasp that we have to trust His Word hidden in our hearts and His Truth stamped upon our minds during those numb and dark times.

    You know, very soon, I'm going to post something on my blog about getting people to share their testimony. I hope you will consider sharing some part of yours.

    Keep Truth-telling, Brother...it is making a difference.

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  7. i feel this way now. my pain has been with me for almost a decade now..i hear all these words and all i can think is.... jacob I loved Esau i hated....God is capable of hate. I am depressed, who wouldnt I be? enough is enough. A plant needs a drop of rain to keep it alive or it withers and dies... just a drop of his love could give me hope....but still it is the desert of my life i wake to again and again... maybe death will free me from this pain...screw God

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    1. Im sorry you are feeling this way. I dont like to see anyone suffer. I feel that you will feel Gods love and presence when you give him a generous amount of prayer and quiet meditation and listening to his quiet voice. There are too many distractions in this world that keep you from this. Isnt it awsome that God provides us with water and food? That alone should show a portion of his love. Many blessings to you.

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  8. Dear Anonymous,
    I am so sorry to hear of your ten years of pain.

    I know how hard it is to see objectively through such pain, through the blackness of depression.

    One thing I would like to point out is that during such times, our perspective of the Bible is clouded. In fact, it can become completely warped and twisted.

    The first thing I would point out is that Esau himself worshipped food and his own selfish gains. Genesis 25:34 tell us, ‘So Esau despised his birthright.’ This was Esau’s choice, God did not force him to despise the things God could have given him.

    Many people fear that God chooses some and rejects others. But look at the below Scripture.

    Romans 8:28-30 ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.’

    It says that those whom God foreknew (that is, the ones He knew He would be His children) are the ones He predestined and called. The order here is very important. It does not say He called them, then foreknew them. No, He knew in advance, before time, who would seek Him and who would not. So first comes His foreknowledge of who will be saved, then He predestines them, then He calls them, then He justifies them, then He glorifies them.

    So everyone has a choice to receive God or reject Him. Esau had that choice too, and he despised it.

    Another thing I would like to explain is where God says of Esau, Malachi 1:2-3 ‘Yet I have loved Jacob, but Esau I have hated.’

    God is not talking about literal hate here - He is making a contrast between those following God’s ways, and those not following God’s ways.

    For example, Luke 14:26 "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.”

    We know from the context of this passage that Jesus is not telling us to actually ‘hate’ our parents, for the Bible is very clear in saying that we must honour our mother and father, and that it is the responsibility of children to love and care for their parents. No, Jesus uses the word ‘hate’ here to show that when we contrast our love for God, with our love for our parents, the love for our parents would seem as ‘hate’ when compared to the burning brightness of the love we have for God.

    So God has not rejected you, He has not abandoned you. God does not hate you.

    And please, I implore you, do not believe Satan’s great deception that death is a way of escaping this world’s troubles. The enemy wants you to blame God, but God wants you to trust Him, to rely upon Him. I do not know the cause of your pain, whether psychological or physical, but I do know that with Christ you can overcome it.

    I know what it is to wake each morning and find it as bleak and dark as the day before. We think this will never end. But fearing and fighting what we are suffering just makes it worse - it keeps the cycle going. To be free from this cycle I had to learn the truth, as explained in Philippians 4:12.

    ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’

    We need to stop fearing and fighting what we are going through, trust that God is in control, and let Him help us to cope with the troubles. Sometimes He leads us out of them, sometimes He miraculously sets us free from them, but He is always there ready to help us to cope with them.

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  9. I lost my job, went through all my savings surving for three years, became poor, lost my medical insurance and then was struck with lupus, rheumatoid arthiritis, and psorisis that deformed my left hand and attacked most of my body and while without any medical care.

    I was prayed over for a year at two churches and went through the whole faith healing thing with no tangible result.

    I have been verbally abused and shunned by people since then because of my butterfly lupus on my face and deformed hand.

    I wish I could die and go be with the Lord but I have a lot more suffering to endure before that happens.

    I really don't know what else to say except you wouldn't like to be me and I wish had some medical care.

    Enjoy your blessings because they can all disappear.

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    1. It's been six years of misery, abondonement and lonliness for me. The Lord, whom I've stood by year after year while being shunned, humilated and mocked simply, has not, done the same for me. The reason there is one set of footprints in the sand is not due to the Lord carrying me, rather, his floating above me watching me trudge along while he dishes out wealth, health, prosperity, family, and friendship to followers who do anything but follow him in word and deed.

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  10. Dear Anonymous,
    So sorry to hear of the troubles you have been experiencing, especially the reaction of others towards your disability and illness. That is heartbreaking. I so long for the day when all people will be able to tell that Christians are Jesus' disciples by the love they show to each other.

    I'm praying that the Lord will comfort you and make His presence and known in your life, and sustain you by His love and strength.

    I can relate to your comments about health problems and what seems to be no answers to prayers.

    Since recovering from clinical depression, my health deteriorated badly. I went deaf (helped by an operation many years later), have very bad tinnitus, complex partial epilepsy, and I can't even eat properly due to difficulty swallowing. I have sought healing but have not received it either.

    However, I am not troubled because I know that God is in control, and if He has allowed this for now, I want Him to use it for good in my life. I have also learned the secret of being content.

    Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’

    And something that helps me greatly is the knowledge that this is only temporary.

    To those who trust in and cling to Jesus, we have a wondrous hope – that one day we shall spend eternity in heaven, where we can see the face of God and Jesus everyday, a perfect place filled with love, joy and peace. We shall also have a brand new body that is perfect in every way.

    When I consider the unimaginable, eternal riches that await us in heaven, the temporary trials we endure on the earth fade into insignificance.

    Romans 8:17-18 'Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.'

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  11. Wow,

    your entry has literally saved my life.

    But moments before, I was extremely suicidal - to the point that I was actually making plans (although I dont think I was intent on following through)
    but then, in one last attempt, I searched 'god, abandoned me' into google, and came across this entry.

    It has been exactly what Ive been looking for - a Christian perspective, (by which I mean one who is/has been also clinically depressed) on the difficult issue of God and depression - specifically, the feelings of abandonment.

    I am so encouraged by this entry, so thank you, thank you so much. :)

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  12. Thank you, I have a feeling you will never know how many lives you have touched and/or saved by sharing your story. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought the diary entries were my own. I cannot thank you enough, I will try to remember to rely on God's word and not my feelings.

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  13. Hi Robin, thank you so much for your encouraging comment. And I am certain that many, many diaries have entries like the ones you and I have written. May the Lord bless you richly as you rely on His ageless Word.

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  14. I loved God, but he has shown me nothing. I intended to give him my life -- he threw it back in my face. My name is D. I will write again when I am at a machine I can use dictation software on because God has destroyed my right hand.

    I raised my sons to love God, but God did not protect them. He made them both go to war in Iraq. Between them they have killed over 15 men, women, and children (one unborn) in the name of God and the f**king USA. After my son "A" killed the pregnant woman, his unit commander made him strip search the body, including her vaginal cavity for explosives. He vomited repeatedly as he did it. He no longer believes in God in any way. He is tortured by nightmares. He almost killed me once during one of his flashbacks. He was welcomed home by the good, God-fearing folks of Texas as a "hero." He hates these stupid fools. I do too. His brother "B" had it worse.

    I am diabetic, had quadruple bypass, psorasis, I am 50% deaf, my father is dead -- died in spite of constant prayer. My Mother -- the Sunday school teacher -- is poor and sick. My right hand is withered. I don't see any evidence ... anywhere ... of a loving God ... and I really f**king need for him to be real. Why cant he BE REALLLLLLLLLLL.

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    1. Hello

      I know you wrote this two years ago, but I only saw it now. I feel so sorry for you and your sons and what they went through in Iraq. What son A was made to do was disgusting and diabolical. I am not American and have not respect for the American government. (apologies to all American patriots). I hope and pray that God is able to show you that His kingdom is nothing like the kingdom of this world and that this world just can not be trusted. That's why he tells us not to love this world or anything in it (or for that matter anything it dictates to us). I hope and pray that a loving God comes into your lives and brings you all comfort. So sorry again for what you all had to endure.

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  15. Dear Anonymous,

    So sorry to hear of the sufferings and difficult times that you and your family have been going through.

    And as sad as it is for me to say this, you are not alone in this. This world is a mess, life is difficult, and people are suffering and hurting everywhere. Every day the news reminds us just how bad things can be, with murders, child abuse, incurable diseases, suicide bombings, the rich and/or powerful abusing and destroying the very weak they should be protecting and providing for. However, I do know that this mess is not God's fault. It is humanity who is responsible for this mess, the direct result of human envy, jealousy, greed, bitterness, hatred, rebellion, lust, etc.

    I also know that we will never be able to fully understand the mystery of why such troubles and suffering occur in the world, when we also know that God is almighty and a God of love. It can be disturbing when we admit to ourselves that the mess we see in the world does not match God’s character. However, even when we ask these questions of God, rather than giving us an answer we probably wouldn’t be able to grasp, He gives us Himself. Jesus, our creator, died on that cross, at our hands, so that we humans who seek Him can be restored to Him in eternal fellowship.

    I know that you are hurting, and understandably so, but one thing that I have noticed is that you are blaming God for all of these things. But He is not the one to blame. God did not destroy your right hand, illnesses and diseases are a sad consequence of human sin. God did not make your sons go to Iraq – that decision was made by the US government, and by the endless torrent of terrorists who continually subject others to their mindless reign of terror. And you only need to look at history and see that national leaders lusting over the wealth of other nations has resulted in countless wars and utter stupidity; eg Hitler, WW2 and the Holocaust.

    Sorry to hear of your health, and your father, and mother. However, one thing I have learnt is that we can get side tracked into placing our hope in getting our prayers answered in a particular way, rather than placing our hope in God - regardless of how things turn out. If our hope is in our prayers getting answered as we wish them to, if that does not happen, discouragement, despair, bitterness and anger can follow. But if our hope is in God, regardless of what happens, we can endure. When we know that God intimately and know that He is with us, we can find that He is enough.

    I am also going deaf, with shocking tinnitus, and epilepsy, and a defective throat that means I gag or choke half the time I eat. I prayed for healing as well, but also did not receive it. But I'm OK with that. Firstly, because I trust that God is in control of my life regardless of how it turns out. I will trust in Him whether he heals me or not.

    And secondly, I try to keep things in perspective. We live on this earth for only a few short years, and then comes eternity. I have had a hard life with many health problems, and shocking depression 20 years ago. But when I consider the unimaginable, eternal riches that await me in heaven, well, compared to this, the temporary trials I endure here on earth fade into insignificance. This life is not all we have - we can have a hope of something more, something eternal.

    May I encourage you to look past the circumstances, past prayers that have not been answered, and place your trust and faith in God. A faith that is not dependent upon how life turns out, but a faith dependent upon Him, that is based upon knowing Him intimately. Because when we think of the eternity we can have with Jesus, everything falls into perspective.

    Romans 8:17-18 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

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  16. jose.ricardo17@yahoo.comMarch 18, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    you will be a good priest ,wise words ,the life is so short thats why we need to live in peace .not everybody think in that way ,anyhow my life right now is a mess no job and bills to pay and nobody hiring .thats the reality and people live that reality

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  17. I really don't have words to articulate how much your site helped to answer some of my questions about how to keep a positive perspective about God and his presence in my life during a time of intense crisis and how to reclaim hope.

    I have no children and I just suffered my fifth miscarriage, and given my age, it is highly unlikely that I will ever become a mother to my own biological child. I help others for a living and I have always been described as a person who tries to do right by others and who will think of others before herself - but I no longer feel such charity. I am filled with bitterness, rage, and contempt - especially when I see people around me who seem to be continuously rewarded for their irresponsible behavior and/or negative behavior toward others.

    I understand that adoption is an option, but I exhausted all of my finances funding infertility treatments. I am blessed in so many ways and I am trying to focus on God's blessings in my life, but it is so hard to focus on them when I feel denied the greatest joy that I could imagine in this earthly realm. I am surrounded by people with children who they adore and vice versa, and it has bcome increasingly painful to think that this is an experience that I will never have. I do love God and I do know that he is there for me. I feel so selfish and ungrateful for feeling like God has condemned me for the rest of my life - and I have prayed for God to take away the bitterness, envy, and jealousy that consumes me - but it remains. I just cannot come to terms with the fact that a childless life was part of God's plan for me and I am trying to figure out how to get through the rest of my life - which at this point seems to be one of existing rather than living.

    I've felt that ending my life would be the way that I could truly help others - by allowing insurance money to pay for my mother's expenses (she is struggling financially) and would allow me to get to that place of eternal peace that everyone describes. I know this is not the answer, but it sure feels like it at times.

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  18. Dear Anonymous,

    I'm sorry to hear of the trials you are enduring, and I am glad that my writings and testimony have been of some help.

    I do not know what your future holds, and I know it looks so empty to you right now, should you not be able to have children. But may I encourage you to look past this situation, and instead of placing your hope in the fulfillment of this desire, please place your hope in Christ Himself, in your relationship with Him, for in Him can we find true contentment, even in the midst of life's storms.

    And I understand how much it hurts to look at others who seem to have everything we lack, especially if those others are making no effort to honor and please God. It seems so unfair. I do not have the answers as to why it is like this, but I am comforted when I remember that this world is only temporary, and that the trials I go through here (including all of my current health problems) will fade into insignificance when I consider that I can live in heaven with Jesus and God for eternity. Those who seem to have it easy but who never seek or honor God may seem to have an easier time in this world, but they will ultimately reap what they sow.

    And you are right in saying that ending it is not the answer. To take your own life would utterly destroy the lives of your family and friends, and also destroy whatever future God holds in His hands for you. You can make it through this and not only be content whatever your circumstances, but you can even find joy and a purpose to live again. Be patient with yourself, and cling to, trust in, and rely upon Jesus. You do not have to carry your future today, let Him carry that burden for you.

    God bless.

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  19. Lost and all alone,
    I try to hear the Father.
    My words meet silence.

    Depression...so cold.
    Make me un-feel Oh my Lord.
    Take me to darkness.

    Family hungers,
    Home is now fading away.
    Acusations fly.

    Fingers point at me.
    Laughter, scorn, derisive hate,
    This is what I get.

    I let them all down.
    I try to believe in grace.
    None there for me now.

    How do I atone
    For what sins must I atone,
    In order to live?

    No help from the state.
    I am not a drug dealer.
    They get lots of help.

    Too old to start new.
    Too tired to give a damn.
    Nothing left; death-wish.

    The world does not turn
    On an axis of good faith.
    It runs on money.

    I know I am damned.
    I must be damned, but for what?
    I shall never know.

    Seven forty-three,
    And I am very weary.
    Have not slept in weeks.

    Goodbye, farewell, gone,
    All of my yesterday's joys.
    Hitting bottom now.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Curiepoint,

    Thank you for sharing what you are going through. I do not have all the answers, but I pray the Lord will reach through your circumstances and raise you up from rock bottom, bringing glimpses of hope back into your life. That He will help you to find rest in Him, regardless of what transpires.

    It is hard when our circumstances seem so hopeless, when can see no way out. And when we examine those circumstances and all seems lost it is no wonder that we conclude that God has forsaken us.

    But even this is deception. The apostle Paul wrote of similar sufferings. He wrote:

    2 Corinthians 11:23-27 'I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.'

    And His conclusion? Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’

    There is no limit to God's grace, He freely gives it to all who would receive, even when all seems lost. And by His strength we can overcome the storms that rage within us, and find peace in Him that transcends understanding.

    God bless.

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  21. I have been jobless, broke and a loser for over 20 years, wouldn't you say God has abandoned me?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Like many of the above people I typed in that question, "Has God abandoned me because of my sins?" Recently, my 11 year, roller coaster marriage ended. Every time my non-Christian ex-husband wants me back, there I am back in that cycle again; Physically and emotionally. I hate myself for turning away from God just to be loved by him.
    I am so conflicted. As I read these posts, I see we are so alone here. So torn down and beaten up by this world, by ourselves, battered on all sides. I feel used up, empty, and alone. How can I witness to others about the joy of Christ when I can't even function? I can't even follow him faithfully, so how can I lead others to him? Here we all are, so desperate, we seek advice from strangers, through a computer. People who can't hold us or provide comfort. Just alone.....

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear Anonymous No 1, you are not a loser. We have all been created in God's image, and are all called into fellowship with Christ as His precious children. Sorry to hear about your job and financial situation, but circumstances such as these are not an indication that God has abandoned you. Please press into God, and seek Him with all your hear, and keep praying and praising Him.

    Dear Anonymous No 2,
    Something that has helped me greatly in the area of temptation to sin is this - by His grace, God always offers us the strength to resist every temptation to sin. But we need to avail ourselves of that offered grace and strength, and this includes making a choice to align our will with His. You can get out of this cycle - through Christ you do have the strength to do the right thing. And when you are free, I think you will find that you will not feel so alone anymore, you will be able to rebuild your life. "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things (ie the things you need) will be given to you as well." Mat 6:33 And no, I cannot provide you comfort, but there is One who can. Turn to Him...

    ReplyDelete
  24. I know others have suffered more than I, but now after a few years of decline in my circumstances, I find it more difficult than ever to understand
    how this watching me suffer and not answering my prayers could possibly be described as love. What is love then? The death on the cross was tremendous, but does that mean He's impervious now to my pain? It really doesn't seem right to me, but leaning NOT on my own understanding, I give Him praise anyway and thanks for all the good and for all the love I have experienced.

    ReplyDelete
  25. "I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail looking for my God." Ps 69:3,4 ...

    Hello... I found this site this morning after googling "why has God abandoned me?"...

    Thank you for the info... and thank you for giving me a space here to share "my story"... If you have time-please read it and please pray for me...

    Here's my story... I guess, in many ways, it's nothing more than a classic "mid-life, I'm trapped" story but here goes:

    I am in my late 40s; I have been the sole financial support for my family for the last 23+ years. I work in a job/industry that is very high stress... and it has taken a tremendous toll on me over the years, both mentally and physically...

    Even in good times and in good economies, I have lived most days over the last two plus decades with a constant fear and dread cloud hanging over me. Every work day, every month, every year has been a challenge-many days just to get out of bed in the morning... and, as of late it has become next to unbearable... I'm not sure how I'm even holding up and functioning at the moment... or how long I can continue to...

    That being said, I know I have been blessed over the years... I've made a good living—we were been able to keep my wife at home to be a full-time mom; put our two kids through 12 years of private/Christian schools and now are helping them through their college years. We have lived very modestly to accomplish many of these things but my career also enabled us to accomplish these things... Many blessings to be thankful for to be sure...

    But, at what cost? At what cost and is there any hope that I can find a direction in life that is not filled with excruciating anxiety, worry, fear, dread... and yet, still enables me to provide for my family?

    And what about God? Where is He? Where has He been through all this?

    I have been a born-again Christian for 25 years. Like most believers my relationship with the Lord has seen its peaks and valleys over the years. We've been blessed in many ways but the issue over both my profession and health problems (most of which I attribute to the stress of my profession) have both driven me to the Lord and... driven me away.

    I've spent most of my personal devotion time in the Psalms over the last 10+ years. I have found so many Psalms that I can oh so relate to—so many that cry out in desperation to God... some even that complain and just flat out lay it out to God and plead for mercy, for help, for intervention... and for it come sooner rather than later...

    I've read those passages over and over again... I've prayed those passages countless times... I've even yelled them out in tears on occasion as I imagine David or the other Psalmists may have done as well...

    And yet... God has been silent to these desperate prayers... I still struggle with bothersome health problems... I still get up every day and work in an industry that I do not like and one that completely dominates my mind and thoughts both at the office, at home, at night, on vacation... It chases me, it hunts me down...

    I have PLEADED for God to directly intervene in my life and show me a new direction; a new path... One I have not been able to find or see on my own (or with the help of others)... I have cried out in tears and pain to God for relief... And the answer has been?

    Silence or NO...

    And so, as I sit here on another morning-after another virtually sleepless night... preparing to head into my office... I read from a Psalm that I have read many times over the years-perhaps hundreds...

    "I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail looking for my God." Ps 69:3,4 ...

    That is where I am... worn out... Worn out and very uncertain as to how much longer I can hold up...

    Thank you for your time... and for this forum...

    Please pray for me... "for I am in desperate need..."

    Steve

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  26. Dear Steve,
    Thanks for visiting the post and for sharing your story. Being in my mid forties myself, and having worked in the same company for 25 years, I can relate to your opening comments. I think it is normal to hit this age and start asking questions, "Is this it? Is this all there is to life? Am I doomed to another 20 years of the same?"

    Yet at the same time, we can rejoice that we are the fortunate ones to have a job and a future, as so many these days have neither. And although it is hard to do, thanking and praising God for His current provision, for our current circumstances, does bring genuine relief too.

    You mentioned having sleepless nights, are you taking any meds to deal with this? Persistant insomnia causes a great many problems, just being able to sleep is a crucial factor in helping us to deal with stress related illnesses and problems.

    I would like to commend you for your perseverance and faithfulness in sticking out this job, in spite of the difficulties it brings with it. I do not know why God has not provided clear direction, but I believe that He also gives us the wisdom we need to make decisions ourselves as well. I am sure you have considered changing your job to a less stressful one, perhaps this is the answer? Is your wife working now? My wife has been stay-at-home mum for fourteen years, but is going to get a part time job next year to help out.

    At any rate, I am lifting you up in my prayers.

    May the Lord bless you and comfort you, whatever path you take.

    Regards
    Peter

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  27. Dear Anonymous,
    Thank you for your comment and questions. I am looking into your valid questions and will post your comment and my answer in a day or so. Lots to think about there!
    Thanks also for the suggestion about my throat, however, the x-rays of my throat show that it has an actual step in, which is why the food keeps getting stuck all the time.
    May the Lord bless you and keep you.
    Regards
    Peter

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  28. Thanks Peter for your help. I wish there was
    something that could be done for your throat.
    Will my newest prayer go unanswered too, due to my lack of faith, due to sin( in my life not yours - trying to be funny), not in God's will, etc. Take care - Mike.

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  29. Hi Mike,
    Yeah, me too.
    I'm still working on that answer to your earlier questions (which will probably be nothing you haven't heard before...) hopefully upload it sometime today.
    God bless
    Peter

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  30. Hi Peter,

    Thanks for being around and posting your entries. I can't find Christ any longer. My prayers for the last 20 years are unanswered. I should be at the wailing wall, since that it what it feels like. I have numerous health issues, one being that I start belching 10-20 times a min for hours and it started 2 years ago. 6 hours of it yesterday. It also sometimes triggers a heart arrhythmia. This plus many other issues have finally taken its toll on my faith. Yes I do have great medical care but it has been useless. The bleeding woman and touches Jesus's robe. My history is long and complex. Basically I'm disabled now after years of enduring illness never wanting to quit anything. To Steve: quit or find another job before it makes you into me.

    My hope is that you can help me with the prayer verses. My own bible reading over the years plus recently some of the following web sites have made me confused and have lead to doubt and now lack of faith and I am totally empty. Is there a formula that some of us are missing regarding prayer ? It seems to me that Jesus would answer my prayers if it is God's will. So Nothing then I've asked for is in God's will?, but then what is in his will, so I can pray for it ? It makes no sense. Forgive my use of the web sites, but I do need help. Please edit and take them out after you read this so others who are suffering do not travel my path and make it worse.

    Thanks Peter. Did they ever try you on Hyoscyamine for your swallowing problems.

    Matthew 7:7, Matthew 17:20, Matthew 21:21, Mark 11:24, John 14:12-14, Matthew 18:19 and James 5:15-16

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  31. Dear Anonymous (Mike),
    Thank you for writing and sharing the trials you have been going through, and your questions.

    I don’t know if what I share below will help you, as these are issues I have been working through too. I also believe divine healing is available today, so I recently asked for the elders/pastors of my church to pray for me, but did not receive any healing at that time. So now I am seeking the Lord, trying to find His will, and asking what He wants to do in and through my situation.

    One thing I have learned is to place my faith in God and not in God answering my prayers in any particular way/time frame. Being frustrated that God is not answering my prayers can cause great stress and doubts etc.

    How many of us can say as Job did, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;"Job 13:15. I want to trust in Christ regardless of what happens to me. (I also recommend extreme caution in reading many of the sites I have found on the web. So many plant seeds of confusion, doubt and fear.)

    Why does not God answer prayers as we pray them? Matthew 6:10 and Rev 2:26 talk about doing God’s will. Jesus also did what He saw the Father doing, John 5:19. Are we spending time in prayer to learn what God is doing and praying according to His will?

    I believe Romans 10:17 is significant. “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” Also John 15:7 " If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you."

    So faith comes from hearing the Word. Most of Jesus’ miracles occurred when a person’s faith blossomed after hearing Jesus speak to them, or when He placed His hands on them. Does healing come after we hear Jesus speak specifically to us through a minister, healer, when we hear His word spoken?

    (continues in next comment…)

    ReplyDelete
  32. (answer continued…)

    John 9:2-3 His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” In this passage, the work of God was healing, but God does other works too. For example, when we focus on the verses about healing, are we passing over the verses about us sharing in Christ's sufferings, how suffering and perseverance develops our character and faith, about how God prunes us to make us grow, and about how God puts us in the crucible until He burns the dross off us and He sees Christs reflection shining back at Him? James 1:2-5, Romans 8:17-18, John 15:2, 1 Peter 1:7.

    Instead of praying, "Why is this happening Lord?" perhaps we could be praying, "Lord, what do you want to do in and through this situation?"

    Instead of praying, "Please end this suffering Lord," perhaps we could be praying, "Lord, use this situation, however it turns out, for Your glory."

    I am also praying that the worldwide church will be returned to the glory it had in the New Testament days, a time of miracles and healings etc. I suspect that an underlying mindset of rationalism, where we 'Westerners' try to understand everything, hinders much of our faith process, or at least hinders the work of the Holy Spirit. Yet, God is greater than this mindset.

    As I've mentioned before, although we tend to live this life as though it’s all we get, compared to eternity in heaven, it's really just a blip on God's eternal clock. Even if we suffer throughout this life, it fades to insignificance when compared to eternity in heaven with no suffering at all.

    "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory
    that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on
    what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is
    eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

    p.s. - all these questions aside, I will continue to pray for the sick, myself included.

    Oh, please also read the post I wrote about the wilderness.

    I hope what I have written can encourage you to experience the fullness of hope in Christ again, and I am remembering you in my prayers. God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Thanks Peter for responding to my post and I've read your post several times and the wilderness one too. They at least saw miracles of God.
    I'd just settle for a few kind words from him.

    Greatly appreciated you praying for me. Merry Christmas Peter and to everyone else.
    Take Care Mike.

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  34. Thanks for reading the comments, Mike.
    Have a blessed Christmas too. I'll keep remembering you in my prayers.
    God bless
    Peter

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  35. Peter, it is so wonderful the support you offer so many..some may write to you , but others will stay silent, still afraid of the stigma of depression and even being a follower of Christ. In all my years of depression, which follows me to this day, I came to realize that if it had not been for God's love for me, I truly would have given up my life and be in Hell. He never left me, He never gives up on my and He loves me for all my mistakes and ugliness, He sees me as beautiful. We pray and ask to be forgiven, ask for relief, ask for Love, but it is all there for the taking, sometimes we just don't see the answer. It might not be THE answer we want, but remember one thing is consistent...GOD LOVES YOU! HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU! HE IS WITH YOU THROUGH ALL THE SADNESS, PAIN, BAD HEALTH, BAD RELATIONSHIPS..HE is the light, the only Light! He is who I hold onto in the dark, when I feel there is no end to the everyday mundane stupidity we allow ourselves to be sucked into. BELIEVE in HIM! For he so believes in you!

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    Replies
    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you for sharing with us your journey through depression, and of the wonderful focus that not only is God with us, but that He loves us, even as we are, despite of all the mistakes.

      Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

      Amen :)

      Delete
  36. I feel this way right now. But the difference is, I keep getting these thoughts telling me "God doesn't exist", "F*ck God" etc...And when I pray or read the bible, bad thoughts enter my mind. I KNOW God is real because I have FELT Him. Being that I can't feel Him anymore is so frustrating. I wish I could FEEL Him. It's hard to trust God when you have relied on your feelings. I can't handle these thoughts. I can't sleep, I barely eat, and I've cried openly in front of my mom and dad. I'm 19 by the way. I will NEVER deny God, even though something is telling me too. It's telling me to give up, and that there is no hope. This has been going on for months now. But it didn't get really bad until a couple of days ago. I started crying in front of parents and they're worried about me. They keep telling me to have have faith, and that I'll get through this. I feel so faithless. I believe God is with me, I just can't believe with my whole heart because something is holding me back. Like my feelings maybe? And when I do pray I feel so fake. :'( Through out this whole experience (so far) I've been dealing with confusion, doubt, sadness, pain, bad thoughts I can't seem to shake, thinking I committed the unforgivable sin, thinking I lost my salvation and am going to hell, etc...I just have to give it my all I guess. Giving up is not an option. I've been through so much to just think it is all for nothing. There has to be a reason I am going through this. Even if I don't know what it is. Even if I never understand. I still gotta give it all I have and fight these bad things. I gotta keep praying and reading the bible. I gotta ask for help from other Christians from my church. The last thing I want to do is seclude myself from people who can help me. All I want is to feel His presence, peace and love again. I want to feel close to Him. This is a battle. Even though I know I can't trust my feelings it's still hard. :'(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This sounds like something my daughter went through - it's called religious OCD. We cannot control all of our thoughts and she would have these terrible thoughts that she did not agree with at all, and they caused her tremendous overwhelming guilt. Look into OCD has a possibility for what you're going through.

      Delete
  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. Dear ekoorbtlehcier,
    I understand where you are coming from. And whatever you do, please do not believe those lies that there is no hope. There is ALWAYS hope, I pulled through this, and so can you.

    An important question for you, have you been to a doctor? If not, please see your family doctor, take your mom if that will help. Tell them all your symptoms, especially the physical and emotional ones. (The spiritual problems you are describing are typically caused by the depression, and NOT the other way around.) The doctor should be able to prescribe you with something to help with the insomnia, deep pain, and even help you eat again. And please do get counseling from your pastor or a counselor he can suggest.

    Seeing a doctor and counselor helped me so much. Treat the illness, and learn how to cope with it, and you can recover and feel God's presence, peace and love again.
    Praying for you,
    God bless,
    Peter

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  39. Thank you Peter for your reply (Steve, 12-16-2010 post)... and for your words of advice/encouragement...

    If you would, please continue to pray for me--I would greatly appreciate that... I have had this past holiday week off from work--and I wish I could say it has brought some "peace" but it has not... My anxiety over my business/job has been very severe, relentless even during this time... Very painful--and very disheartening... In any event, I thank you for your time, your ministry here and your prayers... Best wishes to you and your family in the New Year.
    Steve

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  40. Hi Steve,
    I've been lifting your situation up in prayer, thanks for the update - sorry to hear the situation has still been so disheartening. Oh, if you ever want to email me, my email is under my "profile."
    God bless
    Peter

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  41. Hi,

    I think God has definitely abandoned me. i have prayed for almost half a year for my illness, have I gotten better? No! I am a student, and my disease is driving me crazy, my mother cries so many times for my disease. i cannot fully concentrate in class, I constantly think about suicide...... in fact, I am thinking whether I should jump off a building or cut my wrist open... have God abandoned me? Yes, at least from my perspective! I am suffering and he does not help me. I am so upset right now. Is this all a big lie? Maybe there is no God, no angels, no saints, and no mercy.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dear Anonymous,
    Please, whatever you do, never consider suicide. It is a lie, a great deception. Are you taking medication for depression? And more importantly, are you receiving counseling or professional help? God is there, He does love you, but please note He often helps us through others. Others have been down this road you are on, and they are able to help and comfort you with the help and comfort they received from God. 2 Cor 1:3-5

    And if no one is available and you need to talk about these suicidal thoughts, (talking does help) please talk to someone at a suicide helpline, as listed here

    Hang in there,
    Peter

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  43. It just isn't worth it anymore... I want to die; it's over.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Dear Anonymous,
    There was a time that I felt like that too.

    This is what I wrote on 15th May 1990:
    This road has its ups and downs,
    It’s just that the ups are what I once called the downs.
    A couple of weeks ago I felt so close to normal
    That I was considering the future.
    But now all I want to do is die,
    Well, not really - I’d rather kick this thing and come out on top.
    How I long to be able to cope with life again, to be a complete person.

    And in time I did 'kick that thing' and come out on top, I was able to cope with life again, as a complete person.

    I do not know your circumstances, but please never give up. Whatever you are going through, please turn to Jesus, He is there. We need to cling to, trust in, and rely upon Him, regardless of what happens.

    Hang in there,
    Peter

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  45. I am so depressed because I beleive I had lost my salvation. There is now way back fo me now. Ive tried everything to feel comforted by God again but nothing. I sinned really bad almost two years ago. No hope no joy no nothing, just misery and dispair. I ruined my life. Lost my savior and did this all to my self. I have been depressed for all this time now. Nothing helps meds, pastors, councling nothing. So sad I live in an empty shell now. My heart and soul are empty now. I bear no fruits of the Holy Spirit al all now. There is no hope for me now:( So depressed and I cant do anything about it. I am depressed because I had the Lord withme and was a cheerful person. I remember that life and it hurts even more. I have had bad dreams and nightmares about the sins i committed. I turned from God and his commandments, i failed Him my family freinds and myself. I cant even tell you when I laughed last. Or even really smiled. I had it all when the Lord was with me now I cant find Him anywhere. So lost so depressed.

    Lisa

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  46. Dear Lisa
    Sorry for the delay in responding, I have not been well.
    My heart goes out to you, with what you have been sharing.
    Please take hope that your relationship with God can be restored, You can enjoy life again, and experience comfort from Christ's presence again.
    Depression has warped your feelings and perspective to the point that you are believing what you are feeling, but what you are feeling is NOT the truth.
    And this verse is the truth: 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify [or cleanse] us from all unrighteousness." So God doesn't just forgive us when we repent of our sins, He cleanses us of them, and He chooses to forget them.
    Jeremiah 31:34 "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
    Whatever sins lie in your past, it is not too big for God to forgive, cleanse, and forget. Remember King David, who wrote the Psalms? He committed rape and murder, and yet God restored him to full fellowship with Him when David repented. David continued to walk with the Lord for the rest of his life.
    And so can you.
    I'm praying that Jesus will open your eyes to the truth of His word, help you to stand on it, and that you can believe in God's loving, unconditional forgiveness. and be restored to wholeness in Christ again.
    I'm not saying it will happen overnight, but it can happen. And I know this because when I was depressed back in 1990, I was stricken with guilt all day, every day, for months. But Jesus took me out of that, and into fullness of life in Him again.

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  47. "I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail looking for my God."
    Ps 69:3,4 ...

    Please continue to pray for me although, to be honest, I'm not sure I believe anymore that there is any point in it...

    Steve

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  48. Hi Steve,
    I've been lifting up prayers on your behalf today, hang in there, sometimes our stay in the wilderness seems never ending, but every road comes to an end eventually, so never give up hope. Are you still in that same job? Is it still the cause of your stress etc? If so, surely there is another option, even if it means having a rest to help recover and then getting a low-stress job?
    "Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help." Psalm 30:10

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  49. Hi Peter; Thanks for your words of hope and encouragement. Like many who have visited and commented on your site, I feel lost and abandoned. I know my salvation is secure through Jesus Christ my Lord, but how do I survive this life...I know God so loved me that he sacrificed His only son that I may have eternal life, but does He love me now? Why does it seem He hates me now? Why are all my prayers answered with forecful opposite results? I could tell you all the details, but maybe later.
    May God richly bless you.
    Terry

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  50. Hi Peter, thanks for your site and for the encouragement. I know my salvation is secured through Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour. I know that God loved me so much that He sacrificed His son to die for my sins. But does He love me now? The events and circumstances of my life would suggest that He doesn't. Why would a loving God answer all my prayers with forceful opposite results...as if He were taking my prayers and slapping me in the face with them? Why is there only trials and tribulations? Where are the blessings and joys and happiness and victories and accomplishments? Where is the job with which I can support and feed my family with, and have prayed for along with churches and church members in at least three states for over two years now? Where is the love and support and comfort I should be getting from my wife in this time of shame and emptiness? Instead I get cold empty looks and negative derogatory remarks. Tell me where God's loving arms are, and why they are not wrapped around me in this disperate time of need? May God richly bless you and everyone on this site.
    Terry

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  51. Yes--same job. Yes--it's the cause of my stress. No--I see no other viable options...
    Yes--[please] "be merciful" to me O Lord; [please] "be my help"...
    Steve

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  52. From Australia:
    I'm typing this at 4:30 in the morning the day before my 50th birthday. I guess I've been taking stock of my life and wrestling with pretty much what many men go through at this time in life.
    Like many, I Google searched using pretty much the same words "Why has god abandoned me?"
    It seems to be (sadly) a very popular search.
    The words and testimonials here have been of immense help tonight. I haven't had anything like the suffering of so many on this blog. My heart grieves for these poor people. I can't imagine how hard their faith has been tested. Compared to their sufferings, my little worries are nothing.
    Even so, like many here, I've agonized over why I've ended up the way I have - Why didn't things work out the way I had hoped? I've been a Christian since I was 19 (full immersion baptism and all).. how come I didn't get my 'magical' sudden everything? Where was my fairytale Princess bride? How come I ended up ageing, greying and childless?
    I think too many of us when young Christians are side-tracked with the Father Christmas or Genie in a Bottle image of God. You know: the kind of god who magically turns up to give us lots of nice presents 'cos we are good little boys and girls - and then conveniently goes away when all is well... only to magically pop back on deck and give us what we want when things go rotten... and then disappears again.
    What I hadn't realised until reading this blog tonight was that it IS possible for physical CIRCUMSTANCES or a clinical condition to inhibit our ABILITY to see God's hand over our destiny with Him. I didn't realise - or didn't remember what the Bible teaches us - that Faith is ALWAYS blind! Otherwise we wouldn't need to say "I have faith in God". We'd be saying "I have direct, physical Thomas-with-my-fingers-in-His-wounds-holes KNOWLEDGE."
    Christ blesses we who believe and yet have not seen.
    It's such a hard thing to remember - and it's not for me to preach at anyone to keep it in mind. Rather, I say a huge thanks to you, Peter, for this blog and I'm making a powerful prayer for anyone everywhere whose gone through, or is going through, the kind of turmoil that has led us all here.
    You know what..? I've suddenly realised: In some way our coming to this site is a bit like a testimonial of our Faith. We came here because we wanted answers... from GOD! We DO believe. We DO have faith. And I think that God sees that.
    We ARE in his hands. He WILL work it all out for us in the End.
    Maranatha, everybody!

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  53. Hi Terry,
    So glad you have been able to find hope and encouragement through this blog.
    Sorry to hear about the hard times you have been having. The world is such a mess, so many cannot find work, health care, even housing. The questions you are asking are common to many of us who have walked, or are walking, one of these roads.
    And sometimes in desperate times like this, when we so crave to feel God's touch and see Him answer our prayers, we cannot feel His presence or love, and our prayers seem to go unanswered. But that does not mean God is not doing so. He holds us close even when our circumstances and feelings seem to indicate the opposite. The answers to our prayers may not be in the manner we are expecting, or may come later.
    A minister at my church said recently - Instead of asking God, "Why are You allowing this?" we can pray, "What do You want to do in and through this?" (That's a prayer I've been saying lately.)
    But I do know that our circumstances are not an indication of whether God is with us or not, and that He does use these things for good in the lives of those who love Him. Jesus will never leave nor forsake us.
    God bless
    Peter

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  54. Hello Peter,

    Thanks so much for responding. Thanks to you and the wonderful people who visit this site, I have found some comfort and reassurance. In the last few days I have finally come to realize that no matter what the story line is for me in this life, it will have a happy ending. Just please pray I have the courage, strength, and faith to endure all things until that ending finally arrives.
    God bless
    Terry

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  55. Dear mnstorm,
    Thanks so much for dropping by the blog, and I am moved to see how the Lord has used the words and testimonials of this post to encourage you as well. I can relate to so much of what you hare shared here.
    I too love those words from Jesus in John 20:29 Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
    And amen to your concluding paragraph about being in God's hands, etc.
    God Bless
    Peter

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  56. Does God really care? I feel so so tired. I call to Him but get silence. Please let me sleep the eternal sleep.

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  57. Dear Anonymous,
    Yes, God goes care, but at times like these it often seems to us that He does not. And I do not know why there are times that He appears to be silent when we so need to hear His voice, but this I know, Jesus is faithful and true.
    I was reading this the other day, and it brought me great comfort.
    Psalm 34:18 "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. "
    Are you able to talk to someone about what you are going through, someone who can help you with God's word, prayer, advice, and encouragement? Have you seen a doctor as well?
    The Lord bless you,
    Peter

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  58. I am sorry in advance for my English. First of all, I have to say that Peter Stone you are a hero for me. I have read a couple of stories in this blog and I sympathize with all of you. Well, after reading many of the above cases I have still a couple of unanswered questions. However let me begin with my story. I live in France.I have suffered from mild depression (I do not dare to say strong because I have seen worse). One day I was in Paradise and the next day in hell, it was a great disappointment for me and I cannot stop wondering why. This period was during the most important exams I will probably ever have and I was greatly affected. Why has God made us go through all of this? It seems that there hasn't been a clear answer in all of the posts. Prayers seem pointless, why should God help me when he ignores people who are in a more urgent condition than I am? And what do you say about miracles? Why did Jesus saved virtually every sick man on his way, he even raised a friend of his from the dead. I think he could not stand the misery and his actions were a direct result of his mercy and compassion he felt, he didn't need to prove his power. However, God today, unlike Jesus seems distant and abstract, unable to comfort us in a difficult situation, and I am not talking about helping us like Jesus would do. I have heard that God will never make you go through something that you cannot bare. Recently I have witnessed suicide. How do these two link ? I have also heard that God has a plan for you. I have heard of people's lives that have been full of pain and misery. What kind of plan is this? When I was a small kid and sad for something my parents would say 'Consider the children in Africa. They don't have anything. You should be happy'. I tried to be happy but that's not the case. Happiness cannot be forced especially if someone near you is suffering. I think happiness is unreachable.

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  59. Dear Anonymous,
    Thank you for your feedback and questions, and your English is just fine.
    I can relate to your comment about going from paradise to hell in one day - this is typical for depression, which can come out of the blue. And even while suffering from it, there are good days mixed in with the bad days – days so good that we suspect we it may be over. Only to see the return of more bad days that are hell on earth. These are normal symptoms for depression.
    As to your comments, God does not make us go through these experiences, but He does allow them. And I know it seems like prayers do not work, but the fact is that if we trust in and rely upon God, He promises to use these situations for good. Sometimes we should be asking God to help us to through a bad situation rather than asking Him to miraculously end it.
    Yes, Jesus did heal the sick people He met, but how long were they sick before they met Him? For many it was years, for others their whole lives.
    You mentioned that God today seems distant and abstract, unlike Jesus. Please remember that Jesus is God, along with the Father and the Holy Spirit, and that God never changes. The Bible says that if we know Jesus, we also know the Father. So the Father loves and cares for us as individuals, just as Jesus does, even today.
    In the midst of trials, our suffering makes it seem like God is distant, but that is not the truth. Jesus is the same today as He was yesterday and will be forever. But as to why we do not see healings like when Jesus was on Earth, I honestly do not know the answer to that question. But I still trust in and rely upon Him.
    I believe that by His grace, God always offers us the strength we need to endure, but that we also often do not receive and use that strength, and try to survive by our own strength.
    Happiness can also be elusive as it depends on our circumstances, but I believe that when we hide and dwell in Jesus, that we can experience a deep joy in Him that cannot be swayed.
    And just a couple of thoughts for you, before I sign off, are you receiving counselling or therapy about this difficult time you are going through? Have you seen a doctor about the possibility of medication?
    May the Lord bless you,
    Peter

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  60. "Are you still in that same job? Is it still the cause of your stress etc? If so, surely there is another option, even if it means having a rest to help recover and then getting a low-stress job?"

    Yes, Peter... Still in the same job and it is (I believe) the biggest cause of my stress... I see no other option... As I've mentioned previously, my family is and has been totally dependent upon my job/career/income for 25 years...

    "Having a rest to recover" and a "low-stress job" would be an absolute answer to prayer... A prayer, a pleading that I have made for literally years that has been answered with silence or "no"... which is what lead me to this site...

    My continual prayer these days is simply this Psalm:

    "Set me free from my prison that I may praise your name." Ps 142:7

    I hope that "freedom" comes soon... I hope it comes today.

    Steve

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  61. Anonymous

    I am a college student. Recently this past summer I have taken a class that is important to my major. This summer would make my third attempt at this class, I dropped the other two times. All three times I have the same professor. I went to my professor almost everyday for guidance. He did help some, but there were times when did things in class that seemed underhanded. I really prayed that I pass the course and studied hard but didnt make it and made a D so I didnt pass. I dont know what god is planning or why he didnt intervene but Im suffering very badly. I dont know what direction i should take in my spiritual life. Ive even considered Deism as a new religion.

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  62. Dear Anonymous,
    I am not sure what options are available to you regarding your course. Are you able to try again, and perhaps get a tutor to help you, who could give you better advice than the professor?

    But whatever happens, I do understand how difficult it is when our dreams are crushed, especially when we believed that it was God who gave us those dreams in the first place.

    One thing we can learn is that God uses all things for good, even broken dreams. The important thing is that we place our trust in Him, and do not place our trust in our future turning out in any particular way. Life throws so many curved balls at us, accidents, illnesses, natural disasters, but in all of it, we can still hold on and rely upon Jesus, and He promises to hold on to us. We need to be careful not to fall into the trap of questioning why God does or does not intervene. God's ways are not our ways, and He sees the big picture.

    I can see that at the moment God seems aloof and uncaring, but I assure that this is not the case. This is what the Bible tells us about Jesus in 1 Thessalonians 5:10
    "He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him."

    Jesus treasures you so greatly that He wants you to spend your whole life with Him. From your relationship with Jesus you can find a strength to help you through all of life's disappointments and trials.

    God bless
    Peter

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  63. Thank you Peter Stone

    I still am going through my storm, but I appreciate the feedback. Your words are powerful and correct. I have tried tutors and I am able to take it again to answer your comments. I have other options, so please pray for me and ill pray for you.

    God Bless

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  64. Dear Anonymous,
    Thank you for the prayer request, I will remember you in my prayers.
    God bless,
    Peter

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  65. I was almost giving up on God .... Thanks for all the reminders you have put up .

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  66. Peter, I have read about depression on many web sites, as I have struggled with depression for years, but nothing I have read has ever ministered truth to me the way you have. Your endurance with depression, and your undying commitment to understand it and cope with it is a miracle! The message you live and share needs to be heard by so many. Aside from this blog, are you involved in any other ministry to those suffering and lost in depression? I mean, on a large scale. I believe God has given you the gift to understand depression and communicate about it in a way that is desperately needed.

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  67. Hi Ryan,
    I am so blessed that the Lord has used my testimony and writings to minister to you. Sorry to hear that depression has been plaguing you for years, praying that Jesus will continue to help you to cope with and overcome it.
    To answer your question, this blog is so far the only place where I have shared all of my writings about depression. A couple of articles have been printed elsewhere, but that's all.
    However, I am open to the Lord's leading.
    God bless
    Peter

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  68. Peter, thank God for compassionate people like you. It's people like you who show the love of God to others when they can't seem to find it anywhere else. At the present time, I feel like the enemy has me in a check mate position. I can't seem to find a way out of the financial, relational, and health problems I am facing. I have prayed day and night for over twenty years, and it seems the problems will not end. I feel depressed and live under a sense of dread about the future. It grieves me to no end that what I have been counting on to get me to the other side doesn't seem to be bringing the answers. I have to keep some level of faith in God, or I would be totally hopeless. I wonder if I will ever be truly happy again in this lifetime. Please pray for me.
    My heart goes out to all the others who are hurting, and I wish I had the power to make it all better for them. Thanks for all you do to help ease their heavy burdens.

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  69. Dear Anonymous,
    It is my pleasure, I am simply glad the Lord is using my testimony and words to bring some comfort to His children.
    You've been going through so much, yet it is encouraging that you are still praying, and still trusting in God.
    May I encourage you to read Psalm 91:1-6, these verses have been of great comfort to me lately.
    Thank you for the prayer request too.
    God bless
    Peter

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  70. Peter, I am feeling what you felt except the problem is the depression I face right now is the point of not being able to hear God. For a while I've been trying to find a way to be able to have a conversation with God as if he was a real person. My pastor once told me prayer is more listening than actually praying itself. And so, I tried whatever way possible to be able to pursue that direction. However, I do not believe it anymore because there's no way to clarify whether God is actually sending thoughts into my head or its just me trying to make myself believe that God is saying it. I'm tired of having to struggle to talk to God. For the longest time I've never believed in the power of prayer and I only did it because I saw that's what everyone else does. All I see is me talking to myself and I wonder if I'm mental or high at times and I think to myself this is stupid becuase even if God can hear me praying, I can't hear Him responding. And that's why I think Prayer in my opinion is complete Bull**** right now because there's nothing I can hear.

    To make my situation worse, I've been feeling lonely, empty, pushed aside, and forsaken by other people around me. Since I'm a freshman at college right now, I've felt angry, depressed, and at moments outright furious with the world around me and how God isn't doing anything at the moment but sitting on His throne. What good is listening to Hillsong and Chris Tomlin if this is life the way it is right now? And finding other christian bands with lyrics I can relate to such as Underoath and Emery have only found inside of me slight comfort. I hate feeling fickle minded about God - when things are going good sometimes I outright forget about Him and when things are going bad, I go right back to him with my tail in between my legs. I believed that a real relationship with God is one where the relationship can go on without any obstacles in the way. And the thing I'm angriest about the most is the fact that there's no relationship between me and Him - I'm angry at the fact I can't really hear Him and feel Him. I wanted someone to talk to and the one person who is perfect and will be willing to listen to anything is God and guess what: I can't even come to God because the fundamentals of communication are absent from my life with Him. I want to hear Him. I want to hear Him. I want to hear Him. But no, there's no voice from heaven whispering in my ears comforting me with words of love and grace. There's no omnipotent man in front of me who's real and tangible to my fingers. There's no relationship in which to establish the basis of my faith within. I've been wondering for a while, do the people I so want to hang out with and be with hate me? Do the people around me think I'm an annoying bug they don't want to associate with? And if it's true, the intention to leave me out of their own little circle, then I want to come to God and be comforted. Every little word I uttered and swore from my mouth is damnable by God and every night I cried in my bed hoping that He was there is another sad reality that bent upon me as hopeless and dark..........I want to hear God, I want to talk to Him.......I've been skipping church every sunday because those same group of "friends" seem to go to that congregation all the time. It's pretty much the only one I can go to. But they obviously do not care about me and have not asked me why I have no gone. Those who do manage to question me only say "go to church". I hate going to church like it's some chore.

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  71. I think that's the biggest bull**** Americans are subscribing to right now - going to church because it's a cultural, social activity to do. Listen to some old preacher talk for an hour and then be on your merry way to fellowship without thinking about a word that man on the pulpit talked about. What about prayer? I don't think most people even take their prayer life that seriously either - asking for something from God all the time and calling that a relationship. That's something I equally hate just like going to church for a chore. I want to go to church and learn more about God but seriously I'm not going to find any answers there. I want to pray to God and talk to Him and continue my relationship however, I can't take prayer seriously anymore. Now that I've showed you anger and suffering, Peter, how do you respond to all this? I dont know if you're an ordained pastor or not and I've bottled this up for 2 months now. I want someone to give me the answer.

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  72. Dear Kevin,
    I appreciate your honesty in pouring out your heart like this. I think that many churches are falling short in that they do not want to see or acknowledge this side of people. They think every Christian should present themselves as being someone who has it altogether, but that is so often not the case. If we read the Psalms we see the depths of despair David went to, as he waited and waited for God’s answer and help to come through.

    I am sorry but I am not a pastor or such, just someone who has been through depression and come out the other side. (And after 16 years remission I’m back there again, but that’s another story.)

    On the topic of prayer, to simplify things, I can see two aspects of it. One is where we come to the Father and Jesus, with intercession, petition, praise, and so on. The other aspect of prayer is our relationship with Jesus, our wonderful Saviour. 1 Thes 5:10 “He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him.” Throughout every day, we can chat (that is, pray) to Jesus about everything, like a Father and son, or a man talking with his best friend. We can share each joy, each heartache, and ask for His help, or strength, and for His help to keep our eyes fixed on Him. We can start every day with Jesus, share the day with Him, and fall asleep focusing on Him too. And whether things are going well in life or not, we can continue to seek to know Him more intimately. Phil 3:8 “What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord”

    Now about your question about how to hear from God? I suspect everything I will share below is nothing new. Firstly, we should not strive or fight to hear from God, for the more we do so, the more anxious we will be, and that makes it almost impossible to hear from Him.

    Now the obvious place we can hear from Him is from His Word. Sit down with the Bible in a quiet place, and ask Jesus to speak directly to you through His Word. Read the Gospel of John, which shows Jesus wonderful nature so beautifully, or the Psalms, where you can see the Lord helping David through difficult circumstances. Sometimes a scripture will really speak to us, but not every day,
    And to hear Jesus speak directly to you, again, in a quiet place, and with patience, write down comments or questions to Him, and sometimes the first thought that comes back to you is His gentle voice. David talks about hearing God’s voice like this, Psalm 139:17 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”
    Sometimes we can hear Jesus talk to us like this, and on some days we can't. But as always, test everything with scripture.

    I also suspect that this issue of struggling to hear God’s voice is just an anxious issue that is most prevalent in your mind, and that the underlying depression itself is the cause of why you are feeling this way in the first place. Have you seen and doctor and explained exactly how you are feeling, socially, emotionally, mentally and physically? Are you able to see a Christian counsellor and seek their help?

    I hope this has been able to help in some way,
    God bless
    Peter

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  73. Dear Peter,

    God bless you too!

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  74. I, also suffer from depression and I am a Christian. I have depression and worried the Lord for a healing for years. My depression skews how I see the world and church. I finally sought treatment and am on anti-depressants. They are not a cure-all, but they have helped me. I still struggle with my spiritual life - I don't "feel" God that much and I don't feel love for others.

    Thank you for this lovely blog.

    Rose

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  75. Thanks for dropping by, Rose, and for the encouraging feedback. I'm glad the meds have been able to help you, they have certainly been a help to me too.
    Dr Weekes talks about the inability to feel love for others in her book. She mentions how depression has exhausted our capacity to feel normal emotions. She says "It is a mistake for this person to search for, and to try to force normal feeling. He[she] must wait for it to return as it inevitably does."
    So hang in there. I find that on the days that I cannot 'feel' God, I just chat away to Him as normal. And then comes 'good' days where I am much more normal.
    God bless
    Peter

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  76. I googled around came here because I'm probably reaching the border of depression. I have all the symptoms that you mentioned in your diary. Reading this post gave me a jolt of faith but I must admit it did not last long. I really hope I can experience a sustained turn around, away from depression. Well this represent my prayer but i guess with the condition I'm in now, this prayer feels like a wish that's not going to be fulfilled. Talk about faith or the lack of it. I reckon this is the meaning of downward spiral. So here goes another wishful prayer which does not have much faith substance - I pray that the downward spiral of my faith to stop so that the sources of my depression will also stop.

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    1. Dear Anonymous, although it is not always possible to prevent depression, we can control the way in which we respond to it, and that in turns affects how bad it will be. If we fear it and fight against it, the depression gets worse. But if we learn to face it, accept it (like background music to our day) and let time pass while being constructively engaged, that can make a signification difference to the depth of the depression.

      These three articles on this blog explain it in more depth:
      R05. Symptoms of Depression & How it Causes Them
      R06. Facing Distressing Symptoms instead of Dreading Them
      R07. Breaking Depression's Fear Cycle

      Hang in there, keep your eyes fixed on Jesus and take comfort in the fact that He is holding you in His hands.

      God bless
      Peter

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    2. It's nice to say God won't abandon you but at this point I simply can not believe it,

      I prayed to God for truth, and He simply turned away from me, He absolutely shunned me and I feel him nowhere anymore, I've lost all joy in life and all hope in the future. All I wanted to do with serve Him, and I asked that he show me which doctirnes I should follow, and He abandoned me! Why has God forsaken me, does he not care or have I sinned? It would have been better for me not to be born (Ecc 4:3) Why should I bother going to church and worshipping God? I can't be saved if this is how he treats me, I should submit to sin, but I can't because He's opened my eyes to the vilness of sin, only to hand me to a life of misery, How can I love this God, one that would so forsake me.

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    3. Dear Mitchell,
      Losing the joy in life and having no hope for the future are typical symptoms for someone suffering from depression. I suspect that many of the issues you have mentioned above have been caused by depression, rather than the other way around.

      Depression completely distorts our view on life. And it also causes the depressed person to jump to negative conclusions on each situation/topic. God does not abandon us, nor turn away from us, and you can be saved, yet your current bias to negative conclusions has convinced you He has. God is not treating you in this way, as every good and perfect gift comes from Him.

      Have you seen a doctor and told them the way you feel? Are you able to receive counseling from someone who understands what you are going through?

      I do not know what doctrinal issues are troubling you, but my advice is to firstly read the Bible, and let it guide your beliefs. Secondly, a lot of people make a lot of fuss about different peripheral doctrines, but it is not necessary. As long as we get the central doctrines right, such as Christ crucified, eg Romans 10:9, we Christians should agree to disagree on the minor issues and focus on being one in Christ.

      God bless
      Peter

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  77. So very glad I typed in "Why does it feel like God has abondoned me". This blog had all the things I have thought about and felt. Even though in my head I know God does not forsake us, my heart feels and rages differently and these were all reflected in your blog. Knowing it's not just me that feels this way and asks these questions was in itself a balm to soothe the pain and hopefully I can focus on your scripture references as I continue to battle this. I know I will come out the other side stronger. Satan would love to see me fall but I will not because I already belong to God, even when I feel he is far away (Which I know he is not). God is like a parent they never stop being your parent no matter where you are or what situation you are in.
    Thanks, Heather

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    1. Sorry for note replying earlier Heather, but I thought I had done so. :(
      Thanks for leaving the feedback. I also remember the relief that I felt when I found out that these things were not unique to me, but a road that many had traveled before me - who had also come out the other side, just like you have mentioned.
      Your analogy of God being our parent who never stops being our parent is beautiful too.
      God bless
      Peter

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  78. I feel lost alone & confused. I don't trust God anymore. There have been several times in my life when I have given him my all. I trusted in, clinged to & relied on. When he pointed I would go. It was the most meaningful times of my life. To have friends I could pray with, share with, witness with; to be and feel an instrment of his will, to feel like I was with him and walked with him. To have people thank God for me and the message he gave them through me, to be told that I was the answer to prayer, to be told that something seemingly inconsequential to me was life changing and God ordained to them; they were the most meaningful times of my life. Hunger, the lack of money, the lack of comfort, the loss of a loved family member, I could handle them. God was there, He was with me through it all. He was there at the bottom, He was there at the top, an all the way in between. I walked with Him and I was doing what he wanted. I felt well off.

    Then he walked away.

    When I was doing the job that he led me to. When things were going bad for me, when I really needed him, He walked away. He just wasn't there. The more I read the Bible, the more I prayed, the quieter he was and the more confused I became. I trusted - he wasn't there. I clung to - I slipped. I relied on - he disappeared. I couldn't find him, see him, hear him, feel him, anywhere I looked.

    This all pervading emptiness, hollowness developed in the space where He was. I could find nothing ever to fill it. Nothing. No matter where I looked or what I tried. Things that worked for others, didn't work for me. God worked for some, friends have become ministers, drugs worked for some, alcohol worked for some, to some extent, arrogance worked for some.....none of these, or anything else worked for me.

    Christ died for everyone, but seemingly not for me. What is special about me that he speaks to, helps & is a friend to people around me, but not to me. "Cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you" seems a bit hollow. Have I done something so unforgiveable that even God can't forgive me. Is God a black hole that takes all my prayers & requests, biblereading, sucks them up, keeps asking for more.

    With God I had meaning, without Him, it all seems a bit meaningless.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      What you are describing here is something that I believe to be a phase of depression. I'm not sure if 'dissociation' is the right word, but it does convey some of the anguish that you are experiencing. You lose your concepts, perspectives, associations, etc of God, as well as all feelings towards Him. And then the fearful thoughts and doubts make it worse, whispering lies that God is not there, that Jesus has left you.
      I was in this phase too, and eventually came out of it. One thing that helped me was to pray and chat constantly to Jesus, regardless of what I felt, or rather, could not feel.
      And regarding your comments that God walked away from you, it comes down to the same temptation that Satan threw at Adam and Eve in Eden. Is God truly trustworthy? Can you trust in His word?
      To be able to stand on Him, our solid rock, we must confess and believe that the answer is "yes, God is completely trustworthy, and we can completely trust in His word."
      I hope this helps.
      God bless
      Peter

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  79. Dear Peter,
    Thanks for your reply. You may be getting close to the mark. It always did feel like the depression was a factor in the seeming roadblock between Christ & me. I certainly did, and still, lose my "concepts, perspective, assoctiaions etc of God, as well as all feelings towards Him..."
    "This phase" for me has been going on for more than 20 years now.
    I have tried your suggestion of prying & chatting constantly to Jesus regardless of what I felt or could not feel a number of times. I maintained my hour of devotional bible reading & prayer each morning. The Amplified Bible for me seemed to convey his message most clearly. The book "The hour that changed the world" was my guide. Chatting to Jesus while I was driving, sometimes when I was walking, or other times when I was alone. At times when I was with other Christian friends. It seemed like the time when I was talking with a friend in their room at night while the light was off. When I talked they would respond. After a while, no matter how much I spoke, they no longer replied..... there didn't seem much point in continuing to talk, so I left their room.
    If God can create a universe with his word, move mountains, heal physical illness, conquer death; how is relieving the angst of one of his committed followers who wants to know him so much, be so difficult for Him. Whether it is a phase of depression, and it may well be, or not. If I just knew he was there for me it would make so much difference.
    He actually was there for me when my closest relative died. When I was going through the grief process He was my major source of comfort. A rock during the most upheaving time in my life for me, my family & many of my friends. So I don't understand why he seemingly walked away.
    It may well be as you say the same temptation that Satan threw at Adam & Eve, it may not, I don't know. For me, I have not been able to trust His word Him or His word. To be blunt, and I am sorry if this offends you at all Peter, but unfortunately for me, it is my reality: God has not been completely trustworthy, I have not been able to completely trust His word. I have seen him be for other people. For me, I have to be honest. If I try to convince myself & other people that "God is completely trustworthy, and we can completely trust in His word" I feel hypocritical, and lying to myself.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Please note that it took many months of chatting away to Jesus before the associations etc of Him came back and new ones formed, and for me to be able to feel His comfort again. It takes a long time for an exhausted mind to return to normal.
      I also relate to your comments about being able to find a major source of comfort in Christ during great trials in life, eg when my wife had an ectopic pregnancy, when I went deaf in one ear, etc, yet being unable to do so during many months of depression. As I mentioned earlier, I believe this is one of depression's symptoms.

      If you would like to discuss any of this further, feel free to email me rather than on this blog page. ( peter7r9stone at gmail dot com ) I also have a few devotionals by Selwyn Hughes about learning to trust God in an imperfect world. If you want me to email them to you, just email me your email address.
      God bless
      Peter

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  80. why does God even give us these trials. I dont think i can handle anymore. I really wish i could just fall asleep and never wake up again.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      How often I have had similar thoughts, that I could fall alseep now and wake up in a few years when this bout of depression is over. It feels too heavy to handle it, but do not despair for 'because the one who is in you [Jesus] is greater than the one who is in the world.' 1 John 4:4
      Do you have a counselor with whom you can share what you are going through? To give you practical and spiritual guidance and prayer?
      Hang in there,
      Peter

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  81. I have nothing left to give... I feel like an aging rock star who keeps heading out on tour... He knows it is and probably will kill him... but it's what he does--and so many are dependent upon him keeping it up... Please pray for me, for this "rocker" is at rock bottom.
    Thanks, Steve

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    1. Dear Steve,
      I've been praying for you, my friend. And I know this may sound crazy, but may I encourage you to find ways to praise Jesus and thank Him every day, for each and every blessing He gives you, regardless of how small. Learn to focus on these - more, to look for these, and as you praise Him you will be welcoming His presence and power into your life.
      Hang in there,
      Peter

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  82. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BLOG POST!! I can now feel God again!! THANK YOU!! <3

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    1. Dear ~anon~
      Praise the Lord! I am so delighted that God has used these writings to touch your heart so.
      May He continue to draw you ever closer to Him.
      God bless
      Peter

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  83. The Lord truly speaks thru you. Thank you for speaking to so many troubled hearts. To include my own. The Lord has used you today to speak to me. You wrote this in 2009, God is still sending people to read this in 2012. I thank God for you.

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    1. Dear Anonymous, thank you for the feedback. I am always greatly blessed when the Lord uses my words to minister to others. I pray that Jesus will continue to hold you in His everlasting arms, and to draw you ever closer to Him.

      'The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.' Deuteronomy 33:27 NIV

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  84. I have been a Christian for 14 years and in that time I have rarely seen God do anything in my life that I would praise to others. From family illness, personal problems to health issues, I have been trying so hard to see His goodness, but it seems like He does not care. I know that is a lie from Satan, but I have seen all my dreams (what little of them I had) shattered. And now I am dealing with a whole slew of fears and problems that I feel God will not help me through. Decisions I thought were good turned out to be bad. I have prayed and I have fasted and God seems to be avoiding me. I don't need more words; I need action from Him. Words, to me, are cheap. I have heard millions of words.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you for sharing your comment, and the earlier one too. I posted this one as it was the 2nd one you submitted. Sorry for the delay, but I have not been well this week.
      I cannot answer your questions as to why God has allowed these things, or has not appeared to answer your prayers, but sometimes when everything is stripped away and we find ourselves at rock bottom, we are faced with an important question to ask ourselves - is Jesus enough? For there are times that we fall into a habit of seeking answers to prayer, or desire a particular answer to a prayer, more than we seek and desire Him. But Jesus IS life, He is all we need. So what I encourage you to do is say as my counselor taught me, "Lord, I do not understand, but I believe," and "Lord, I am content today to be where I am, who I am, and how I am."
      And then to seek to know Jesus more than anything else, until we can say like Paul said, "For me, to live IS Christ...and to die is gain, for then I shall be with Christ."

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  85. Thank you so much for your testimony and all the wonderful scriptures!! I have been going through such a hard time the past six month and the scriptures were so uplifting. I can also relate with what you wrote in your blog about wondering if God has abandoned us. But, we need to trust and believe that God will deliver us from this storm as he has delivered me before. God is good!

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    1. Dear Anonymous, you are most welcome. Praise the Lord for all the ways in which He comforts and encourages us. I too am waiting upon and hoping in the Lord to lead me through and out of the storm that I am currently going through. God is good indeed.
      God bless
      Peter

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  86. I wanted to reply to the Bible verse on Jacob and Esau but it wouldn't let me. For those of you with disabilities and have some disformaties. I want you to know I married a man who was badly disfigured from a severe car accident and in a wheel chair. I cared for him until God took him from me for eleven years and I loved him very much. Now I am disabled and I am forgotten by humans. I'm glad you put up about the bible verse. It gives a different perspective. Blessings

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  87. I just thought of something. It is something a therupist told me. Never judge a persons outsides to your insides. He meant that we don't really know what others are going through and we just assume that we have all the problems and sorrow and we only see what is a preceived good that the others have and they may have as much sorrow as us. We just don't know. I don't think it is God I just don't know what happened in my life where I had lots of friends and now no one will even talk with me any more. Are most people like this towards people with disabilities? I never was like this so I don't imagine being treated like an untouchable like this.

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    1. Dear Ripsimeh,
      Thank you for sharing with us about your husband, and for giving us a glimpse into your gentle, caring heart. And for pointing out that although others seem to have easy lives, many of them are suffering just as much as are we. I am sorry to hear about your disabilities and the way that others are treating you.
      I would also like to share Isaiah 41:13, a verse that is of great comfort to me. "For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
      God bless
      Peter

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    2. Yes dear one.No one wants to be reminded it could touch their lives.Sorry hon.

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  88. I suffer from PTSD depression and have committtred sdome horrible crimes... I feel god has abandoned me. But I keep asking for his love and forgivemnebnss....

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      God's love for us is unconditional, He always loves us, regardless of what we have done. The important first step is to repent of those sins and turn our back on them, and turn to God. 'Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,' Acts 3:19

      Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour? When we do, He takes away our sin and replaces it with His own righteousness. And then when God looks at us, He no longer sees our sinful past, but He see's Christ's righteousness clothing us instead.

      We can also trust God's word, which says, 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.' 1 John 1:9.

      Are you able to discuss your situation with a pastor? I also recommend counseling, perhaps from a professional health care worker, to help you deal with the PTSD.

      Hang in there,
      God bless
      Peter

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  89. Well I do feel like God has abondoned me.I watched my DH suffer in extreme pain for 21/2 years from cancer.Even hospice could not alleviate the pain totally.Watching this was grueling.I would attack by faith with everything I knew to do.I needed my DH HERE NOT DEAD!As we had no life insurance to cover our home,I am losing that now.MY DH worked up until 2 months before he died.Manual labour also as we had our own business too.Now I am depressed and suffer from severe anxiety. going to church is an effort.I use to love being in Gods house.I told everyone The Lord cares what happens to our family.How does this look to others.Truthfully who would want that God.I can't read or pray.I am in hell and pain.Everyday is the same.My heart is ripped out and I feel like a useless pile of dung. I do not wanT to hear nice platitudes on suffering UGH! And when people say "We don't know why these thing happen,only God knows,we will know one day" Double ugh!!! I can not move forward without knowing. The pain continues from my husband now to me.Only emotionally.Sorry if this seems so bitter.It is how I feel.right now. It is what it is.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      May I encourage you to fix your eyes upon Jesus and just cling to Him. On my darkest, hellish days of depression, when my mind and emotions are being torn apart, sometimes the only thing that helps me is to turn my eyes and thoughts to Jesus, and picture myself clutching His hand with both of mine, and then slowly, the darkness recedes.

      Rather than letting the not knowing trouble you so, let Jesus Himself be enough for you, for truly, He is all we need. And then live one moment, and one day, at a time.

      'Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;' Proverbs 3:5.
      God bless
      Peter

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  90. so this has just helped me regain faith
    praise the LORD
    and thankyou
    with all my heart

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  91. I have been dealing with many difficult trials in my life recently. A situation last night tipped me over the edge, and I cried out to God asking him why he has abandoned me. This article is exactly what I needed. I would like to think it was God's hand that brought me to this site. Reading this article has reminded me that God does not forsake his children. We all must going through tests and trials. Thank you for this post.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      So sorry to hear of the difficult times you are having at the moment, and I am humbled that the Lord has used this blog to strengthen and speak to you.
      God bless
      Peter

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  92. Dear Peter, I have noticed you have gone through health issues while keeping this blog. I am praying for your health and appreciate your continued support to others. I, just like the others felt abandoned or more so deceived. I felt I knew what God had planned for me and when it didn't pan out I felt betrayed. I guess I wasn't hearing from God but was being mislead. Your blog has helped me so much and I realized through it that I am probably depressed and will see a doctor. I forgot to look for the good and the blessings. I am blessed and praise God. Thank you!

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you for your prayers, they are truly appreciated. And praise the Lord that He has been helping you through this blog as well. I pray that you God will lead you to an understanding doctor who can help you, like the one He lead me too.
      God bless
      Peter

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  93. Hello Peter.

    I am a college student. I used to be a christian like you, but currently I am a Deist. I used to be an engineering major, but I could never pass my engineering classes no matter how i tried or communicated with the professor. I really wanted to be an engineer, but I know God will never intervene no matter how I pray to him. I am currently a Physics major, and I like my major. However I am unsure of the job prospects it will provide me. I feel as though God abandoned me and now I can never really be happy in life since Im not an engineer which is what I wanted. Christians preach happiness with God, but if I cant be happy in future or hate my career/salary then how is god's joy going to help. The people of this site have different problems from mine. If there is a more appropriate website for my type of complaint let me know.

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    1. Dear Vernon,
      I have seen this question asked a few times by students, so it is certainly a relevant question to ask here.

      If our happiness/joy is dependent upon our future turning out a particular way, or upon getting a particular thing, marriage partner, children, and so on, then such a happiness is easily destroyed, for it is dependent upon things we cannot control. This can lead to major disappointment, resentment, bitterness, depression, blaming God, and so on.

      On the other hand, if our happiness/joy is dependent upon God/Jesus, rooted and established in Him, upon the incomparable joy of simply knowing Him, then our joy can remain intact in spite of everything not going as we had hoped or even counted on.

      I was in your situation as well, I studied to be a school teacher but fell ill in my last year, and have never been able to see that life-long dream fulfilled. One scripture that has been of great comfort to me is Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
      And it has been so true, wherever I have gone, whatever I have done, even with major depressive disorder, Jesus has been with me. He is the source of my hope and joy.

      Another great comfort has been Philippians 4:12-13 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

      I hope this can help,
      God bless
      Peter

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  94. So let me get something clear. I know your not going to tell me what I should or should not do since its my decision. But are you somehow saying that I should not be so angry about not being able to become an engineer and embrace God for the fact that I do well in Physics. Does God not see that I want to have a good future. I can do so with Physics, but the path is so unclear. I switched to Deism because I felt my pleas to God were unheard. You told someone at a different time that God can even turn "broken dreams" in something better for our lives. So many days I feel discontent because I feel my life is over at the age of 21 since I dont have a path of what to do in life to be SUCCESSFUL.

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    1. Hi Vernon,
      What I am saying is that all of our futures are uncertain, for we cannot control them. To pin our hopes upon our future turning out in a certain way is really wishful thinking and sets us up for major disappointment. Sure, we can aim for something, and many will even get (aspects) of it. But even if you had become an engineer, do you really think that would have made you happy? What if you developed ill health, or marriage failed, or a natural disaster destroyed your house?

      May I reassure you that your life is most certainly not over at 21, rather, your whole future, however it turns out, is ahead of you. And yes, God most certainly can use anything in our lives for good, even broken dreams, when we love Him.

      Please define 'successful.' Is it having a promising career with advancement opportunities and plenty of money so that we can have everything we want or think we need? Good house, expensive car, etc? I have seen plenty of people with these things who are miserable or lonely, for these things do not satisfy.

      This is what I would define as 'successful.' To know Jesus so intimately that He IS our life, to have a heart after God's own heart and seek first His Kingdom , to build a family founded on God's love, to show mercy and compassion to the poor and widows/single mothers; etc.

      I would like you to consider your underlying thinking, for at the moment your thinking seems to be have been dictated to you by the world's ideals. It is not a matter of God not hearing your pleas, but rather I suspect that you are not 'hearing' His Word and desires for your life, which is more a case of 'how' you live your life, not what physical direction it takes.

      I hope this can help. If you would like to discuss this further, you are most welcome to send me an email.

      God bless
      Peter

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  95. It is raining outside,and I am nearly on my way home from work.

    I am very tired both physically, mentally and spirtually.

    I have two sons that I love so much, the oldest has been on a road of addiction for the last twelve years (hell on Earth), and living one of the saddest lives anyone could live. Last month he was found to be HIV postive. I am terrified.

    My youngest son has just finished high school and has autism, I don't know now how to help him.
    Can he hold a job? Can he ever make it on his own?

    I feel like a river is all around me and I am just getting swept down it, I can't put my feet down because I am treading water that is pulling me down, down, down.

    I have tried to live a life that was right, I have never intentionally harmed anyone.

    Why is life so hard, Lord?

    Help me to understand, I need relief, just some sweet relief.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      I would like to encourage you to talk to a friend of mine who has been through the hellish road of an addicted child too. Sometimes to simply talk to someone who has been there, who understands what you are going through, and without pointing blame anywhere, can be of great help. We should not carry these burdens alone. Here is some information about her testimony/blog:
      Glass House Ministries You can find her email address in her contact details.
      Hang in there,
      God bless
      Peter

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  96. Hello;

    I have been a victim of abuse all of my life. My parents and siblings treated me as if I was worthless since I can remember. When you're told all of your life that you are worthless it starts to sink in deep after years of hearing it. Not even my husband and son have been able to help me feel better. In 1990 I became a born again Christian and prayed and left my faith in God that He will heal the pain and abandonment I've felt all of my life, but it seems as if He has not answered any of my prayers in all of these years. This really has me feeling suicidal and I am currently at my wit's end. When you feel that God doesn't love you where else can you go? You speak of those depressed for just a temporary period of time. This has been my whole life. What do you do when your life situation has always been knowing nothing but despair and depression and abandonment by everyone, including God? I pray everyday. My husband and I pray together for a solution but nothing has happened yet to encourage me. To make matters worse, my physical health is in a state of decline. Is there any hope for me? I'm really beginning to feel it's time to give up and just die.

    EMB

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    1. Dear EMB,
      Do not give up, for there is always hope.
      And please do not go through this alone. Are you seeing a doctor? If not, please see a good doctor as soon as you can, and tell them what you have shared above, and especially tell them about your suicidal thoughts.
      I do not know what country you are in, but there should be a depression help line or organization that you can speak to. In Australia we have Beyond Blue. There are people out there that can support and help you through this.
      Also, here is a list of suicide help lines by country.
      In the meantime, live moment by moment, day by day, and do not think of the future. Press into Jesus, for He cares for you always. (And read the Gospel of John please.)
      Hang in there,
      God bless
      Peter

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  97. I'm not sure if anyone will see this but I had to let you know that it really helped me. I've been battling depression and anxiety for months now and could never see a way out. I thought that God had left me and would never answer my prayers again. But your post gave me hope. It showed me that God is there and will always be. So, thank you. Thank you so much.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      You're most welcome, and I'm so glad that the Lord has used my testimony to encourage you.

      John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

      God bless you,
      Peter

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  98. I just wanted to thank you and remind you of the continual effect this article is having on Christians struggling with depression.
    Although I don't have personal or health troubles that compare with yourself or many of the readers commenting above, I have been depressed for most of my adult life and childhood. I feel trapped and abandoned... a Google search of "abandoned by God" led me here. This is especially frustrating because I feel that I am meant to be a strong spiritual warrior and change many lives, but God refuses to free me from this cold dungeon. It's gotten to the point where I hate God for even getting my hopes up.
    Many of your diary entries could be my own, but now I plan to make your advice my own, too. I need to remember that God's kingdom exists and Jesus is with me, even when I am blind and numb. Perhaps if I have faith in that, I will finally be allowed to see it.
    I will continue to pray for my own deliverance, and blessings for you and the readers of this article. I would appreciate any prayers in return.
    Thanks and blessings,
    DJW

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    1. Dear DJW
      You are most welcome. And I am glad God lead you here. I cannot guarantee that you will recover from depression, but I am convinced that you can change the way you respond to it, and that in doing so, this will reduce the intensity and frequency of depression's symptoms in your life. Also, as all of this changes, your perspective of God can change too, so that you will no longer feel spiritually numb.

      Can you both read all of this blog, and also get a copy of "Self Help for your Nerves" by Dr weekes? Also, take active steps in your mind to combat depression's habit of leading you to reach negative conclusions about God and His love for you. Read the Gospel of John, and visualize the scenes in it and meditate on it. And take time every day to prayerfully picture yourself as a child, where you meet Jesus, and run over to Him and get a wonderful hug. Because Jesus can use our imagination to genuinely touch our hearts and heal our minds.

      I will remember you in my prayers,
      God bless
      Peter

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  99. Thank you for your additional advice. I will certainly continue to read your posts and seek help. I think you're right: Jesus can use the imagination as a powerful tool. (Part of the utter frustration of this depression is that I am a deeply creative individual, but am drained of the ability to begin or finish projects.) Instead of focusing on my own circumstances and entrapments, I will focus on Him to draw me out of this darkness. Although I may never completely conquer this illness, I'm beginning to think that your words have initiated a turning point in the way I deal with it.
    May God bless you for your dedicated service to Him and His people.
    Thanks,
    DJW

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    1. Dear DJW,
      Good on you :)
      I remember when I reached such a turning point, which was when I read "Self Help for Your Nerves" and how much my life changed from that point on. For starters, I had hope again. Remember there will still be bad days mixed in with the good days, and just endure them in the knowledge that good days and better times are ahead.
      God bless
      Peter

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  100. could god possibly get tired of someone? there've been times that that's what i feel. despite the promise of salvation, i still feel wretched and unworthy. i get this feeling that He must have waited long enough for me to become what he wants me to be and that i just can't measure up to that.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      To all who believe in Him, Jesus gives them the right to become sons (and daughters) of God. That means God is your Father! And He loves you always and ever. He never tires of you, and treasures every moment you spend with Him. He will never leave you nor forsake you. No need to feel unworthy, for you are the righteous of God in Christ. And God did this, not you, so relax in His perfect ability.

      You are the jewel in Jesus crown, the apple of His eye. He knows that you are but dust, have limited abilities, and that you are a work in progress. And He chose to die on that cross so that your sin could be washed away, so that you can live your life, on earth and in heaven with Him forever.

      Remember that God is patient, and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. He loves you with an eternal, patience love.

      God bless
      Peter

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  101. Thank you for what you wrote on your site. Today I have faced being angry with God. What you say is true, suffering and depression make us have a clouded view. Why have you foresaken me, why do you not heal my father? I shout this out and no answer. I feel no comfort in knowing we all suffer. There are no words that bring peace. I literally feel a heavy heart sink in my chest. I think that every now and then life is really cool, but then crap happens and you realize everyone deals with crap, and life pretty much sucks, and the point to it is to be strong and deal with it. Fight the urge to dissappear and be in denial, and face the fact your dad is dying a horrible, painful, and slow death. Thank you for the scriptures you posted. If I sound confused its just the dark sunglasses of depression I'm wearing.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      You're welcome. Sorry to hear of your father's situation. And you are right, these things happen to everyone. But praise the Lord Jesus that He is with us throughout these trials. Praying that He will hold your hand and lead you through this time.
      God bless
      Peter

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  102. Your diary entries seemed to emanate from my own pen. We are all in a time when things are coming to a close; the end of the age. My thought is that all who live godly in Christ Jesus at this point in world history are presently suffering in one way or another. Actually I believe that if we are not experiencing some 'persecution', we may not be walking worthily. It is a time of testing of the souls of the true called saints.
    My situation now is indeed unprecedented in so many ways but I realize Christ Jesus has always prepared a table for me in the wilderness in the past.

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  103. Dear Veloci, thank you for sharing your post. Yes, so many of us have gone through or are going through many kinds of suffering. And God uses such sufferings to develop our faith and draw us closer to Him.
    I like your comment about Jesus preparing a table for us in the wilderness, it reminds me of the Twenty-Third Psalm, which I read often.
    God bless
    Peter

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  104. If I have a daughter desperate and suffering so much, I will do something to lessen her despondency. However, God do nothing..he is really cruel, sometimes. This is not only cause by feeling but the helpless is real and we have to face it. Nothing is impossible in God but many things are impossible in christian life. It is doesn't matter we get what we want, the matter our hearts are too pain to listen to him. He can reduce our pains without changing circumstance...but He Didn't. He do nothing to reduce our pains.

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    1. Dear Quistion Mark World,
      I'm so sorry to hear of your daughter's suffering, there is perhaps nothing harder to endure than to see one of our little ones suffering.
      But we do need to be careful not to judge God by our circumstances. I think that too often we become too caught up in trying to get God to alleviate/stop our suffering, that we forget to ask Him to take our hand and help us through it. Sometimes it seems the pain is unending, and it really feels like He is not helping us at all. And this, perhaps, is where perseverance and faith come into it, choosing to trust in Christ with all of our hearts, and not upon our own understanding/wishes/desires.
      How many times during my horrific depression have I asked Him to comfort me in some tangible, miraculous way, only to seemingly meet with silence. Yet all the same, He is trustworthy and faithful.
      Peter

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  105. I can not see an end to my troubles. Today is the 5th anniversary of my dear husbands death. He was taken from me aged 41. We were childhood sweethearts. Like so many others I know taken from us too soon (he had cancer and died within a year). Not too unusual.....
    I have always believed in God. In fact it permeates my life. Has given me strength, hope, a meaning,so why the troubles???
    I have a brain tumour, or the last 20 years. I undergo weekly chemotheraphy. The radiotherapy has left me with chronic arthritis and heart problems. I have lost 4 babies (that I know of) but I have a wonderful son (aged 12).
    But I am alone still, without love. My health is bad but I have always worked. I am lucky enough to love my vocation of teaching. But my new princpal has taken a dislike to me and despite whatever I do I am never good enough. I've led the music at church for 27 years every week. I run Sunday School programmes. U have dvoted myself to God. Why does God let this happen to me?
    As well as being a single mum with health problems, I've only been off work twice in 20 years..... Yet my principal s trying to have me sacked for incapbility........ Where is God in al this? I have led a good life, worked hard, followed Gospel teachings. I have struggled with depression and fought off illness to live a full life. Wmy husband died I took 1 day of work so my children in my class would not suffer, I have stood up to disability discrimination in the workplace with dignity and respect. Everyone says I am s strong to cope. But this has destroyed me. I'm not sure which is worse - the humiliation and harrassment at work or the feeling that God hates me and hasn't listened to any of my prayers. I feel so alone. What have I done wrong tGod to allow this to happen to me?

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    1. Dear Mrs...
      Thank you for sharing with us what you have been going through, and you've been through so much, haven't you?

      And I can understand your questions, such as "I've done all this for God, so why has He allowed this to happen to me?" Followed by thoughts that He has rejected or abandoned us.

      Can I please encourage you, at this time especially, to stand upon and rely upon His word, that He is with you. Jesus has promised us, "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the end." Matthew 28:20. And other such verses listed above.

      Also, instead of desperately asking God to end your troubles, pray this instead - "Lord Jesus, I thank you that You are with me. Please take my hand, and lead me through this difficult time. Help me to fix my eyes upon You, and trust in, rely upon, and cling to You."

      May I encourage you to read Psalm 77, which I am sure you will relate to, and then do as David did. Remember all of God's past miracles and blessings, including all the good things you have seen Him do in your life, and then think of all the blessings He has in store for you in heaven. And then mediate on how great and wonderful He is, regardless of our circumstances.

      Praying for you,
      Peter Stone

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  106. I feel so alone right now. I know God cares. I don't have any family, I lost my job, I don't have any friends, I'm broke, I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent and I just feel like I am a lost soul. Please pray for me. Thank you.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thanks for dropping by the blog, I hope it has been of some encouragement to you, reassuring you that God is with you, regardless of your circumstances.
      Thank you for the prayer request, I will remember you in my prayers.
      "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." Hebrews 12:2
      God bless
      Peter

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  107. Hi, I've read over your blog and was hoping for some advice. I'm terrified that I'll be going to hell when I die. I walked away from my faith after going through a rough divorce, blaming God for everything. After a while, I came back to God, realizing that I was to blame for my divorce. I asked for forgiveness and really felt alive in Christ again. I felt the Holy Spirit in my life. Then one day I felt as though God was asking me to leave my kids and follow Him into the "unknown," but I couldn't. I couldn't imagine the pain my kids would endure, having their parents divorce then their dad just up and leave them. When I said no to this urge, it felt like the Spirit of God was removed from me.

    Now I have nightmares of perdition, and wake up in panic each morning. I feel like all truth has been stripped from me. I go into bouts of unbelief that Jesus is the Messiah, and flatout athiesm. I try to pray but am met with blasphemies. Depression is a way of life now. Have I been deceived by Satan, or have I been like king Saul who disobeyed God then had the Holy Spirit removed from him?

    It gets so hard to keep going each day, and sometimes I want to kill myself. But my fear of damnation has kept me from doing a thing. I don't know what to do, except wait around to die.

    chris

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    1. Dear Chris,

      It is a little hard to answer as I do not know your specific details. However, I do not believe that God calls us to enter the ministry, such as pastor or missionary, without a specific calling. He does not call us with a 'feeling' or by an 'urge.' Also, I believe that He confirms that calling from two or three sources, such as Gideon with the fleece.

      I would hazard a guess that a feeling of dread and/or a fearful thought, entered your mind to do this thing, ie, leave kids and go into the 'unknown.' I suspect that your mind and nervous system were already over sensitive, and responded to this thought/feeling with a panic attack, which then spiraled down and down.

      Please remember always that when we believe in Jesus, confessing Him as our Lord, we cannot lose our salvation. And the Holy Spirit will not leave us. He is a deposit guaranteeing what is to come. (We are not in Old Testament times, the Holy Spirit lives in us when we believe in Jesus.) Please read this post.

      Your nightmares do not surprise me, as they are reflecting the fears that are hounding your conscious mind all day, so they have no significance. The unbelief and doubts are also common reactions to depression and anxiety, which typically make us feel detached from God. Sounds like you have many, many negative/fearful thoughts running amok in your mind, and that you fear them. That fear gives them power, but in reality, they are nothing more than deception, a lie.

      Whatever you do - no more thoughts of suicide, ok? You can learn how to deal and cope with depression, you can learn to laugh and feel God's presence and Christ's love again. You can even recover from depression completely.

      Have you seen a doctor? Are you on meds? Are you able to see a counselor who understand depression, not just a minister without experience who may leap to wrong conclusions. Please also get a copy of "Self Help for your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes, and download the free ebook on depression that I've put on this blog.

      Take hope, with Christ's help (and He promised to NEVER leave you nor forsake you) you have hope for the future.

      God bless
      Peter

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  108. Thank you for posting your experiences and sharing your hope. I look forward to reading more on your site and hope that it wlll help me endure.

    I suffer from depression and alcoholism and have attempted suicide 6 times. I have almost died twice from that, my husband was told I would die. My son has been into drugs and is bipolar, been in inpatient, outpatient, detention and long term treatment and still persists in his plan to remain high constantly. We are usually in crisis mode when he is home and it is a hell on earth as another poster said.

    However, my depression is getting better and allowing me to see things in a more positive light. I believe God is leading me to this site and another to begin understanding what is going on. I know he is there because he has shown me visions and feel his presence in the past, but I feel he has abandoned me. I don't understand why he would allow such trauma on a continual basis but this is helping me to get back on solid ground. It is a beginning at least.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      You are most welcome, and I pray that my testimony and writings can be of further practical help and encouragement to you. I am so glad to hear that you are getting back on solid ground.

      Understanding depression and how it works is crucial in robbing it of its strength. Here are some articles on this blog that can help towards that end:
      Symptoms of Depression and how it causes them
      Facing Depression Symptoms instead of Fearing them
      Breaking Depressions Fear Cycle

      I trust that you are also able to get/or are getting, medical/professional help? And regarding your son, may I recommend that you consider writing to a friend of mine who has been through this very thing. Her blog contacts are: Glasshouse Ministries

      Hang in there, and keep your eyes fixed up Jesus, regardless of how you feel. He never leaves nor forsakes us.

      God bless
      Peter

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  109. Hello. Quite confused! Depression? Probably from all the rotten thongs Ive been through.
    Lost my family business...
    Health deteriorated... Due to cyst in spine from soon to be x husband christian throwing me around
    Lost new business
    Lost posessions
    Lost uncle/best friend
    Family turned against me
    Cant pay my bills.
    Why?

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Sorry to hear that you've been going through so many storms.
      A minister at my church ministered to me greatly when he said, "Don't say to God, 'Why God, why have you allowed these things to happen to me?' But instead to ask Him, 'What is it that You want to do in all this, Lord?"
      And regardless of your circumstances, may I encourage you to seek Him with all of your heart, and cling to, trust in, and rely upon Jesus.
      Every morning I pray, "Lord, I don't understand, but I believe."
      God bless
      Peter

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  110. I really wish I had found this blog before.

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  111. All I can say is that I am glad to have found this site. I am a Christian who has suffered with depression and Anxiety off and on for many years. Mine began at an early age after having been sexually molested. When I was 18 I joined the Marine Corps and that helped improve my self esteem for a while but the Depression came back after a failed relationship and now I am dealing with a divorce. Peter my thanks to you and others for sharing your stories. I know that I am not alone and many of us are dealing with the same issues, which means that we aren;t crazy. Sometimes it helps me to consider that some of the most influential people in this world have suffered with terrible bouts of depression (Lincoln, Churchill) aswell as many people in the bible.Thanks

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      No, you are not crazy - you are indeed dealing with issues that many, many have walked before you, and are going through now.
      Thank you for sharing with us what you have been going through. If you could start reading the articles fron "R01. Depression, the Silent Epidemic" and then work your way up, I believe they can further encourage you and give you great practical help.
      Have you been able to get counseling as well, to deal with the underlying issues that you are working through?
      Lifting you up in prayer,
      Psalm 34:18 NIV 'The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.'
      God bless
      Peter

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  112. How much longer must I wait? I'm growing sick and wary, I have no one... WE have no one- my father died when I was 17 (5-years this month), leaving my mom and I to fend for ourselves. His family has abandoned us. My mom's side has scattered. It has been 5-years since she lost her job. No one has accepted her for a new job, to the point where she became her own business. We're losing our home through foreclosure, have no money to our name, used our debt to survive. All I see her do is prove her faith to God, and see nothing but pain and sadness. I continuously tell her, what you have told others - that this life is only a test of faith, to continue walking in the righteous path that she does. But I myself am starting to think, has God truly abandoned us? To leave us by ourselves, with only the unconditional love we have for each other? Having almost no family who can recognize and help our suffering, having no friends who can do the same? What more does He need? How longer must he test our faith in Him?

    Being alone in the darkness of the world - even with my own strength of faith in Him - I am becoming weak.

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  113. How many years of crushing blows does it take before God will intervene? What others life lessons does He want me to know? I have tried to remain strong for so many years and I cannot do it any longer. I'm tired of treading water. My Mother died when I was age 3, sexual molestation, physical abuse, alcoholic parent, divorce after 32 yrs of marriage to my high school sweetheart, 3 children who believe the lies he tells them. I was once so close to them all, and now they are distant and there is no real relationship.I grieve that most of all. Two lost jobs in the last two yrs. Physical illness for which I have had to go on disability which affords me about half of what I need to live on. Fear of losing my home, the unrelenting feeling of being completely alone. I sit alone in my home today crying to Jesus for help, because I don't know what else to do. My faith is drained out and hope has all but vanished. If it were not for the guilt I would put on my children, I would contemplate taking my life. I cannot cause them the start of the pain I have had to endure in my life. I am simply existing now. Yes, I am depressed. I feel the pain of all the loss and a pill is not going to make any of it any better. God's promises which I have held onto for so long seem empty now. He HAS left me, He has forsaken me.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Sometimes, the best we can do when we wake each morning, is turn our eyes to Jesus and pray, "Lord Jesus, please take my hand, and lead me through this day." And then come what may, just cling to Him, knowing that He is with us. Also, instead of asking Him to end the suffering, ask, "Lord, what is it You want to do in this."

      I understand that you feel the loss so acutely, but please take note that depression distorts our perspective, making everything seem hopeless, when that is not the case.

      Is there someone you can go to for help? A pastor at your church who you can share your burdens with in prayer? Or a wise Christian friend as well?

      Never forget that when we believe in Jesus, He says - "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand." John 10:27-28

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  114. it has been a tough 4 years for me. we need to trust in God only, i found out that emotions can be forced on us, the pain is so intense that you have no choice but to feel bitter towards everyone, including God. We need to hope in God no matter what, it's a gift from God to be healed from depression. The disturbing nature of my oppression was so traumatizing, but God can make years of suffering and hopelessness into an instant burst of laughter and joy.

    Only God has the truth, He is the truth. don't trust your deceiving emotions that is encouraged by the enemy of our soul. stay encouraged and hopeful in Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior.

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    1. Thank you for sharing with us, Anonymous, and for the important reminder to keep trusting in God and hoping in Jesus, our wonderful Lord.

      "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

      God bless
      Peter

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    2. Hi my husband is in the hospitable with Celestyn, his leg is swelling and the other leg is getting red and he keeps saying things like they are going to cut my leg off. And stupid stuff like that to the point I am done. I need some one to knock some since into to him. If he had went into the ER when he first showed it to me on Tuesday, a week ago I know he would not be in the hospitable now.

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  115. This feeling of abandonment has been present for 10 years now. I'm to the point where I'm trying to decide whether God really exists, or if christianity is just a crock.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      I do not know your circumstances, or what has happened to cause such a horrible feeling to be visited upon you for such a long time. But may I please assure you, that once we have given our life to Jesus and accepted Him as our Lord and Saviour, that God's love for us is everlasting. Depression can twist our perspective and try to convince us that this is no longer the case. So let me encourage you to trust in God, and trust in His Word, regardless of how you feel.

      Depression causes us to suffer from what is called 'emotional reasoning.' This is how Wikipedia describes it: "Emotional reasoning is a cognitive proces that occurs when a person believes that what he or she is feeling is true regardless of a presented evidence." We can combat and learn how to undo emotional reasoning. For example, every time you think of Jesus and God, instead of acknowledging that feeling/fear of abandonment, pause and reflect on the fact that He loves you, treasures you, cares for you, has dealt with your sin and given you new life.

      Have you been able to receive professional counseling or therapy? This could be of great help to you. Hang in there, and please press in to Jesus, and focus on your relationship with Him, and not on what you are going through.
      God bless
      Peter

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  116. Depression is consuming me and my wife. We have been sapped of our emotional and physical strength. There is physical and emotional pain. When it 1st started, we were believers, attending church regularly . We took our concerns to God in prayer, and to our church family. 4 years later, we now no longer attend church, and I have given up my relationship with God. I have thrown my bibles away. Every morning I wake up, I curse God for the burden of another day. I have no joy. I wish someone could tell me why this is happening. I can't see any good reason why God is allowing it. At 1st we belived he had a good purpose for it, but now we're worn out and I don' t care. I'm tired, angry and sick of hearing that "You just have to believe". 4 years is enough. I want some answers. How can we be a light for this dark world when we have no joy or inner peace ?

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      I know what you mean, well meaning Christians have also told me that I "Just have to believe," or that my depression it is merely a spiritual attack.

      However, I am convinced that you and your wife can learn how to cope with depression to the extent of living fulfilling lives again, and in doing so, you can then recover from it and have normal lives as before. Your relationship with God can be completely restored as well. At the moment you are stuck in the wilderness, characterized by being angry with God, bitterness, an extended time in a spiritual wilderness, with internal suffering that has become acute, almost unbearable.

      But there is a way out - there are answers to get out of the dark hole you are trapped in. Can you get a copy of "Self Help for Your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes? Also, can you read the pdf booklet on this blog? I too was stuck in such a wilderness, but upon reading Dr Weekes' book, hope returned to my heart and I started to recover.

      Also, are you taking medication, or getting counseling? These could be beneficial as well.

      Isaiah 40:31 "..those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

      God bless
      Peter

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  117. Hello Peter!

    Thanks for your blog. I have been going through a rough time myself. I have lived a good life and have travelled the world with work. I have a lovely wife and we live with my mother. However, I feel that I am not reaching my career goals and no matter what I do I feel that I am falling further and further behind my "Successful" friends. No one is pointing the finger at me, but I have high expectations of myself and I ask God to help me. I feel like I am in the wilderness and that God has forgotten about me and does not answer my prayers. I am begging God every day for help. I want nothing more than to live the best life I can, to be the best man I can, and not be a failure. I just want God to give me guidance, strength and Wisdom. He has blessed me and I live well, but I want to step up to the plate and live the life I feel that I must live. How can I let God know this is my greatest desire?

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    1. Hi Peter,
      Thanks for your comment. I think that there are many others who have gone through, and are going through, what you have described here. And I know how frustrating it can be when you are hoping and praying that your life will go in a certain direction, and within a time frame, and yet it does not do so.

      Now to answer your question, God most certainly knows your heart and your desires. And at this point I would like to ask you, have you asked God to lead your life in the direction that He desire it to go? In Matthew 6:33 Jesus said: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things [the things that we need] will be given to you as well." I would like to encourage you focus your attention upon Jesus Christ, and to seek God's kingdom and His righteousness above all else. When we live for God, to please Him and obey Him, then we find in Him a peace and satisfaction that we cannot ever find by reaching our own life goals. Paul said in Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." He says more about the absolute joy we receive from making the goal of our life to know Jesus intimately: Philippians 3:8 "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things."

      I hope this helps,
      God bless
      Peter

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  118. I have been one year now not feeling God's presence....no happiness, no personality, and rejection from friends. Evidently I made the Lord really mad, and want His pesence back so badly. Please pray for my forgiveness, and restoration. I feel so empty inside.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thank you for prayer request, I have been lifting you up in my prayers. I do not know what your circumstances are, but I do know this. When we repent of our sins and turn our back on them, God forgives us. Here is one such scripture where He promises this:

      1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

      Please also read this article about God's wonderful forgiveness.

      God bless
      Peter

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  119. Thanks for sharing your experiences on your blog. I did find some comfort in that. :-)

    I have been out of work for 3.5 years after working in the same industry for 20+ years. I saved my money for retirement, did not spend lavishly at all. Then I got laid off, the economy tanked, and now I've been out of work for so long, nobody will even talk to me. Big box stores won't even look at my resume for stocking shelves as I don't have 1-3 years prior experience. Living with my parents again. Lost all of my retirement and savings. I don't think I'm asking for much, just a job, but God never answers my prayers or my faith.

    The other day a recruiter called out of the blue on what I would consider a dream job, said they were very interested in me, went through 2 interviews, and then they said "thanks, but no thanks". That was the last straw. The constant rejection is too much when I'm fully qualified and capable of doing these jobs, and that one was just cruel on God's part, to tease me with the hope of a great job and then to just snatch it away. I've asked god to redirect me if I'm going in the wrong direction by trying to stay in insurance, and I'm feeling even more strongly pulled in that direction. Maybe if I start lying, cheating, stealing and manipulating like some other people out there who are living the high life, maybe that's the way to go, right??? I think my faith in God is just dissipating now like mist in the warmth of the morning. He was my last hope. I do realize I'm lucky to have a roof over my head, and I've read some really bad stories on here, so I'm fortunate in that way as well, but I think I'm just out of words now. Thanks for letting me vent all of that out. And I hate to say it, but there is some comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who is hurting as bad as I am. Not that I want anybody else to hurt, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that god has abandoned. Thanks, Dave.

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    1. Dear Dave,
      You are welcome. Thanks for dropping by the blog, and for sharing with us the trials you have been going through. Regarding your comments of those who lie, cheat and steal, and how it appears to get them the high life, may I encourage you to read Psalm 73. The Psalmsist laments that "this is what the wicked are like-- always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence." But keep reading the Psalm to see the conclusions he makes. Such a inspiration, and it puts everything into perspective!

      You mentioned that you feel pulled towards staying in the same job industry, but it perhaps it would not hurt to try a wide variety of jobs? At any rate, I've lift up a prayer for your situation.

      God bless
      Peter

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  120. I am what I would call the pitfall of my life. Im a 38 y.o. mother of 2 daughters.. 19 and almost 15. Most of my life has been lived in pain, hurt, anger and confusion. There is not one time I can look back on my life and wish I was back there or can say.. "those were the days". It's been hell for the most part. Right now, me and my daugthers are facing eviction. I have to go to court tomorrow morning at 10:00 to face a judge tell me how long I have left in the home I purchased 4 years ago. I lost the house due to foreclosure after not being able to get a job for over a year now. Me and my daugthers have nowhere to go. I don't have any close friends to stay with and my mother is still with the man that molested me so I wouldn't dare go there. I never thought I would face homelessness. I have been so hurt to look back how hard I have tried to keep everything together for my family. I never had any help at all, even while married.. I was still the one doing the bigger parts of everything. There was never anyone to bail me out WILLINGLY as I have done for many. That hurt even more. All of this time I have felt so bad wondering why god never gave me that "somebody" to help me with life. Why didn't I have a good mother or father or even that one relative that always looked out for me and gave me good words to help me with life's challenges. Why didn't I have a best friend that would do anything for me as I would them? Why have I never had a man that was strong in faith and could carry ME when I needed it? Why are my children so dirty and altho they love me, why don't they do things to make it a little easier for me? Why was there never anyone for ME? That is what I have been dealing with for a long time now... but after reading this.. I sat here on my bed and got to thinking. What if there was that someone in my life... would I be 100% better? Would they be there EVERY time I needed them? Would I feel good about their helping me if I knew they were suffering in some way? What if by chance they didn't come to my rescue, then how would I feel? My point was.. they are only human and could only do so much. I don't believe no one on this earth could possibly give me the PEACE, JOY and COMFORT that God could. So why have I held on this long for SOMEONE to come and offer a hand to me? I guess because I had never really experienced God like that, so I was afraid and didn't believe he could really make me feel better. It's crazy because all this time.. it's been PEOPLE that have made me feel terrible and let me down so many times. Maybe I was thinking there would be this one GOD sent person that would come outta nowhere and save me from all of my troubles.. that's crazy because only God himself could do that. Tonight.. I LET IT GO! I let go of the notion to be "saved" by the people of the world and I forgive them for not being what I thought they should be. I am also in the process of forgiving myself for turning to people over god and also getting angry with people because of what they didn't do. It's been the biggest and longest battle of my life. I think from the time I was a little girl... I have always wanted SOMEONE to look me in the eye and tell me how smart I was or how much they loved me or thought I was special. I have had random people tell me stuff like that over the years, but it would have made such a difference if it were someone I really knew and believed or felt very close too. My heart has been so dark for so long, even the people that I KNOW love me, couldn't make me feel any better with their words of encouragement. What was a I waiting on or hoping for. Looking back at it.. I really don't know. So long I have suffered with this! But tonight I LET GO! Thank you and god bless u!

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    1. Dearest Teisha,
      You have been through such a journey, but the Lord brought you to this place tonight. Good on you for realizing that you were looking for things from people, that only God can supply and for letting go of it all. Only in Christ can we be whole, only in Him can we receive true inner peace, comfort and joy. Here are some verses that show how much God loves you...

      Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

      Psalm 17:8 "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings."

      Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

      1 Thessalonians 5:10 "He (Jesus) died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him."

      God loves you and treasures you. Press into Jesus, and seek to come closer to Him always.

      God bless
      Peter

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  121. As a young Christian, I have many doubts about God's love in this practical world as much as I believe Jesus died for our sins. I have brought to Christ by a girl whom I had much affection with. Ironically, this is the same girl who treated me with little respect and had been exploiting all along before running off with other guys. So sometimes I wonder where is God's love? Just when I proclaimed my faith to Him, my life has to go through a bump like that. Of course by no means can my trouble match what some of our above friends' plight and I do consider myself fortunate. But sometimes I can't help but feel like God is playing a game with me.

    However, I do pray day and night for something to happen that can change my life. Be it getting her back or like finding a good job. I have tried various prayers from asking for specific requests from God to do something for me to asking Him for His guidance but I don't see any answers given. Personally, I don't understand why specific prayers should not be requested as we have seen in the gospel that despite multiple rejections from Jesus, the Canaanite woman was ultimately healed due to her persistence in begging Jesus to heal her. Also, if such simple earthly request cannot be granted, how do we expect the heavenly promise of salvation be fulfilled? Do not get me wrong, I believe our God is all-powerful and will be capable of anything but what I'm trying to say is that He could perhaps give us some slight encouragement so that we can carry on and share the gospels with others.

    Whatever the case, I'm not about to throw in the towel yet but I thought I can empathize with what our friends here have shared.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      Thanks for sharing with us. Sorry to hear about being exploited so, but you know, God uses all sorts of ways of getting our attention to draw us into fellowship with Jesus, so that we may receive eternal life. And if she is like that, better you found out now, I figure.

      Who told you that specific prayers should not be requested? The Bible tells us to pray at all times and with all kinds of prayers. God is a God who loves us as individuals, even counting the hairs on each of our heads. We should be as specific as we can be, however, we also need to pray for what He wants us to have, for His will to be done.

      Also, one thing we need to learn, in this age of instant everything, is patience. When we pray, sometimes God says "yes," sometimes "no," and very often "wait." The most important aspect of prayer is that we trust in Him, no matter what comes. The Bible says, "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go," Genesis 28:15. With a promise like that from Jesus, we can trust Him, regardless of our circumstances. Remember also that God wants to develop and mature our faith. If life was too easy and every prayer was answered immediately, there would be little or no growth of our faith.

      Still, I know what you mean. I suspect we have all prayed that, I certainly have. ie "Jesus, can't you give me just a little encouragement?" But His ways are not our ways, so we need to trust Him, and rejoice in all that He has given us, eg, eternal life, becoming God's sons and daughters, receiving the Holy Spirit, etc.

      God bless
      Peter

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  122. Thanks for this blog. Since 1996 I have had friends die, dealt with bankruptcy, had legal troubles, almost died twice (once from a heart virus that was a fluke at age 30 and once from a doctor piercing my heart with a catheter during a simple day procedure), AND have dealt with panic attacks, depression, anxiety, health fears, etc. I feel like I have been beaten down by God. I know I'm blessed to have a job, a wife and the three biggest blessings of all...my children. But it's do hard to see that some days when I wonder "why have a been beaten up for 17 years." I usually hate reading about others trials when they say they had bad months or a year because I would give anything for a bad month vs feeling like Job for over a decade. Your blog hit a spot because I pray walking the trail to the train daily and wonder when the peace will come, when the symptoms will stop and when I can just enjoy again. I see my beautiful children's faces and want to be the best nan but wonder why God would keep knocking me down. I'm afraid to even try and be positive because I feel that is when I get knocked down by God again. But here I am, still believing and thinking miracles can happen. Maybe your blog was my light today. Thanks

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    1. Dear Topher,
      You've been through so much, and I also see much of what I went through in your writings, especially where you have come to conclude that you are afraid to be positive, because you believe God will knock you down again.

      I got to the stage where I was afraid to make any decisions of any form, because every time I did, I lost my peace, and I mistakenly believed it was God guiding me - or smacking me over the head with a brick, it felt like. Through counseling I came to learn that my theology was faulty - God does not take away peace, He gives peace. And it was panic attacks, not God, that was taking away my peace.

      Similarly, I would like to encourage you to compare your concept of God when compared to God's word. The Bible says that every good and perfect gift comes from God. He does not knock us down. He helps, comforts, strengthens, and guides. However, He does allow us to go through trials, but the Bible says that these are opportunities for our faith to grow, for us to learn to rely upon Jesus, to come closer to Him.

      May I please encourage you to read the booklet of this blog's articles, in a sequential order, which I have made available here. I believe you may find many practical steps and Godly counsel that can help you to leave this wilderness that you have been stranded in.

      Hang in there, and keep on believing and hoping in Christ.
      Peter

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  123. dear all,
    I am a 46 years old unmarried woman who have only knocekd and knocekd at the doors of God and always returend empty handed. I had undergon severe illness in my head 19 years ago and no treatment could cure the unusual tension headache i had all the 24 hours. Finally I went to temples churches everywhere and prayed nothign worked. Still I waited patiently for 9 years hoping that God will cure me and concnentrated on my work. I was 36 years old then. Thtat is when God kept a test for me and I failed i nthat test fro mthen on for the past 10 years I am goign through worst sitatuion i nmy life even al lthe hard work that i did inspite of my illnessi s all wahsed away and each day some or other bad news is waiting for me, I live my life in loneliness and crying and crying my illness in head hasinccreased stress increased so mcuh that it has started affecting other organs in m ybody I have n oone to ake care of me my old parents have forgotten to smile seeing their dauhgter suffer like this, Till a few years ago I still oved God and had faith but now I lost all faith patience for 20 years with no life is no meaning! Always people tell God will give what we wnat and then this clause is added that we should ask what He wants to give us? then wh ysay that god wil lgibve what we wnat why not say God will give only what He wants? He anyway gives only what He wants even if we cry and beg and die in fornt of Him? I have realised that I am nobody to Him whetehr I live or fie it doesn;t matter to Him all my years of crying is gone a waste? God ids doing the smae thing to my sister also who is now 50 years old Both of us have had no life atall and being harassed in office! ewen if things started wokign well for me in office Gods ent one unnaown person into my rom dragged me out of my world and today I am a heavy lose? THis is al God;s games only no mater what anyone says about God! Fro ma God lover I have become like this! He should grnt out wishes also only then we will have intered in life and we will feel ike helping others! Whatever help I was doing whatever little charity I was doing I am stopping because if God does not care for me why should icare for others? N ouse telling me that God loves me it has not reflected in my life and what is the use of that love of Go which has not allowed me to live if not happily atleast peacefully to some extent?

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      So sorry to hear of all the hardships you've been going through all these years.
      I am not sure what you mean about failing a test that God gave you, but please rest assured that when we repent of our sins, God promises to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. So please do not let your heart be troubled into thinking God will punish you for that.
      Also, this world is a mess because of human sin - the mess is not from God. God is the One who has taken such huge steps to fix the mess by sending Jesus to save us from sin and death when He died on the cross. So blaming God for these things, and doubting his love and care for you, is only driving you apart from Him, when what you need to be doing is going to Jesus and asking Him to take your hand and lead you through this.
      Instead of thinking of Him as someone to end your suffering, change your thinking to that of asking Him to help you in it and through it.
      God bless
      Peter

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  124. My problem is more like i feel i committed an unforgivable sin. I am feeling like God doesn't see or hear me. In fact, thoughts i was/am unable to control have blasphemed the name of God, his Son and even attacked God's Spirit. I feel like God doesn't care at all about me anymore. Abundanned me is not enough to explain it because if i felt lile only abundanned i would hope my cry and tears to him and the desire my heart would get his attention. I feel lile God just leave to be lost, to be gone without him because i feel like i committed a sin that God will never forgive. I'm lost; i don't know what to do. I was baptised when i was 17; i lost God's presence whei was like 20 because i wasn't faightfhtul at all. Will God ever love me again and save me from where my sins and rebelions got me?
    Will he forgive me all the terrible thoghts, against him/his name, that troubled me, but were in me?
    My address email is vprincemike@gmail.com. If someone can help me, my name is Mike. Pray for me if you are sure God will give you an answer and contact me please. Help please

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  125. I'm a 32 year old woman and have been having problems with my back and pelvic area for the past two years. I'm getting treatment but it's hard to get it to come right. It has affected my whole life, as I no longer do any of the things that I used to enjoy and have become more and more isolated. I've recently returned to work after taking 6 months off but it's not always easy as I'm still having some problems. I've only been able to make it to church or prayer groups twice in the last 8 months and I really miss it. I'm feeling really lonely and depressed. I just want my life to get better. I want to be happy and to be able to do all the normal things I used to do. Instead every little thing now is an effort and sometimes I feel totally fed up. I know that the Lord is with me and that He never leaves me. I became a christian just months before all this happened to me and it was the happiest time of my life. I believe that was God's perfect timing as He knew how much I would need Him. He strengthens me when I'm feeling weak and discouraged and I'm so thankful that He is in my life. Please pray that God will make a way for me to return to normal as I don't want to fall away from the faith. I really need to get better and get my life back to how it was before.

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    1. Dear Peter, I could really do with some advice or even some words of encouragement. I am struggling with depression as well as problems with my pelvis etc I've thought about suicide but I know I could never go through with it and that I could never put my family through that. Sometimes I really want the Lord to just take me away to be with him because life is just such an effort and a struggle. When I say that it makes me cry because I feel guilty as a Christian for feeling this way. Jesus died to give me an abundant life, yet I would put anyone off christianity. I feel so much sadness inside me. I don't go anywhere anymore and am spending so much time on the Internet which is just exacerbating my physical problems. It's a habit I formed out of loneliness and boredom . I know I need to stop but I'm finding it really hard. Feel like all my joy has been sucked out of me. Really need to find a way out of this rut I'm in. I still pray and connect with God every day but I don't feel as close to Him as I used to. I know that's because I've been so distracted and been spending so much time on the net that I haven't been putting God first. I would really appreciate some advice and prayer, thank you so much :-)

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    2. Dear Anonymous
      Thanks for your comments.
      Please do not feel guilty for feeling this way. God wants us to be real and honest with Him, not pretend things are not as they are. And this is the way you are feeling. May I encourage you to read the Psalms. Look for the Psalms where David pours out his sufferings before God, and see how He concludes those Psalms.
      Are you taking medication for the depression? If not, please see a doctor and share with them what you have shared with me above. And I presume you are taking meds for your pelvis too?
      And you need to find a practical way to limit your time online. Spend as much time outside in the garden as you can. You don't have to do gardening, just soak in Jesus wonderful creation, fresh air, and sunlight. Can you go for walks outside, even short ones?
      Do you have someone who can regularly pick you up to take you to church meetings?
      And most of all, keep seeking Jesus with all of your heart.
      God bless
      Peter

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  126. Peter, I so appreciate your response and book of blog posts. Just this past week I had more health stuff rain down in me despite me being healthy. At this point I don't feel like God is walking me through trials but giving me too many. Too many years, too many issues. He is just watching it pile on instead of me seeing a light. At some point He has to realize that enough us enough and sometimes suffering doesnt lead to enlightenment but bitterness, confusion and loss of faith. Why would Hod want me pushed away?

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    1. Dear Topher
      Sorry to hear of more health problems :(
      But please be aware that we always have a choice in how to react to the trials that life slings into path, and that the way we react will determine to a large degree how badly that trial will affect us.

      We can believe that we cannot endure anymore, that God is giving us more than we can handle with His help, and the trial will feel unbearable. Or we can approach all trials with complete trust in Jesus, completely relying upon Him, and continue to be thankful and praise Him. In this case the trial will not feel anywhere near as unbearable.

      Regardless of how bad my suffering has been, I am always blown away by testimonies of those who have suffered infinitely more, and yet have retained their trust in God and continued to praise Him. So it is our choice whether it leads to bitterness or growth of faith.

      God bless
      Peter

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  127. Thank you Peter for being so honest about your past struggles;for taking the time to listen and empathize with total strangers like us; and finally for your prayers. May God bless you for what you are doing.

    3 weeks ago, I unexpectedly got fired from my dream job over the phone. The incident was very traumatic,I still cannot stop crying from it. Occasionally I get panic attacks and nightmares. I had worked for them for a year and a half, during which time I got good reviews and even a raise. I am 39, with no boyfriend, husband or child. Even though I yearned to settle down and get a family, I never wanted to settle down with just anyone. I really did believe that as long as I delighted in the Lord, then he would grant me the desires of my heart. Whenever I felt down, I always rebounded comforting myself that at least I had Christ and I was blest with a great job and good health. I was grateful and proud of my job, it gave me an identity, I admired my colleagues and loved the challenges. In the last month, I was put on a difficult project and even though I was struggling, I was making progress. But my supervisor, who never let me know there was a problem, convinced the CEO that I was not self sufficient enough, so I got fired. I begged them to give me a chance to improve but they said they are not the kind of company that gives people chances. The firing was cold and has left me with no self confidence. Suddenly I realized how empty my life was. I prayed, read the bible aloud and fasted for 3 days, hoping to break out of this funk, but I still feel completely empty and do not enjoy anything anymore. I have had 2 interviews and no call backs. Recently I called the suicide hotline because those thoughts have began to swirl in my head. If death is gain and Jesus gave me eternal life, then why should I remain here suffering like this? What should I do, please do not judge me !!

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    1. Oh Anonymous,
      So sorry to hear what your employers did to you, it is unbelievably callous. In Australia, it is illegal to fire someone like that.

      And to answer your question, please cast all thoughts of suicide from your mind, because suicide is a lie, a deception from Satan, trying to trick and rob you of the future that God still has for you. Satan tries to convince suffering people that death is the only way out, but that is rubbish, because the way out is to recover from this and go on to have a fulfilling live, just like I did. What you are suffering from right now feels so powerful, but its intensity will reduce over time, its power will fade, and hope will re-enter your life.

      The number one reason not to suicide is that it will destroy your family, your loved ones, by putting them through a suffering even worse than what you are going through now. I know, because I have seen this happen. We must refuse to put our loved ones through such suffering.

      Another reason is this, we serve Jesus in this life and look forward to reaching heaven and hearing Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” Matthew 25:23. How could Jesus say that if we take our own life? Remember all the verses in Revelation where Jesus says He will reward the overcomers? Revelation 2:7, 2:11, 2:17, 3:5, 3:12

      Reflect also upon all of your memories of the good times you have spent with Jesus, reading His word, worshiping Him, and especially of His love for you. He loves You so much, and He is with you right now. Think of all the good parts of your life you had before you had this job. You can have such times again.

      And some important questions for you - have you seen a doctor and told them exactly how you are feeling? Did the suicide line recommend any doctors or therapists for you to visit? If so, have you been able to see them? And please do not hesitate to call the suicide line again if you have any further such feelings.

      You can come through this, you can find hope and purpose in life again, so never give up.

      Praying for you,
      Peter

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  128. Appreciate Peter :) Thanks

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  129. Evidently my sins have hidden God from me....Please pray that I will be restored. I thought I was saved at a young age, but backslidden. When I try to repent, it's like no one is there. I feel like the Holy Spirit and my soul are gone. It is the most painful thing ever. Maybe in an emotional moment I insulted God or the spirit. I am not trying to trample underfoot anyone, but I am so afraid. Prayers would be so appreciated. I feel dead, but still breathing......Please help me.

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    1. Dearest Anonymous,
      I would to encourage you to stand fast upon God's Word, and trust in His promises, for Jesus said, "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away." Matthew 24:35

      Here is a wonderful promise from God, for when we say sorry for and turn from our sins. 1 John 1:9 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.'

      And regarding your concern that He will not accept you back, remember the parable of the wayward son. The Father ran to welcome him back - that is how much the Father welcomes returning backsliders. Luke 15:11-32

      And the lost sheep? Jesus leaves the other 99 to look for the lost one, and rejoices when He finds it. Luke 15:1-7.

      If you are suffering from depression, please note that it totally warps our perspective, so do not rely upon your feelings. Rely upon and stand upon God's Word instead.

      I am praying for you,
      God bless
      Peter

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  130. I really appreciate reading this blog post as I have been going through a similar trial in my life the past few months. I have always had a great love for Christ since I can remember, but aside from my confidence in Him, I rarely practiced my Christian faith properly; being self righteous, drinking alcohol 5+ days a week for years, and having a tendency to act out sexually. Having left the Catholic church over a decade ago (after my confirmation), I decided that many of their traditions were not consistent with Jesus' teachings and began searching for another way to praise him outside of organized religion. I always had good faith but through the years became somewhat confused unknowingly with false doctrines including gnostic writings that apparently may have been undermining my faith. Getting to the point I quit drinking this past January and gave up my sexual misconduct also as I had become increasingly disgusted by my habits.... Unfortunately what followed has been troubling my mind for weeks now and has only slightly subsided. I wound up having difficulty sleeping presumably from not drinking at night and allowed myself to be confused by some bizarre new age cult (not actually believing it so much as giving it too much thought/credibility). Shortly after I was questioning everything except that I love Jesus and in my delusion even went so far as to question the writings of Paul the Apostle who had spoken to my heart many times in the past. In my haste I posted on a blog somewhere that his writings were misleading and not of God....my head was spinning and I was terrified that I couldn't find Jesus whom I had trusted so deeply and was always there for me in the past! I realize now that my mind did not feel like my own and I took on too much without asking Christ to guide me through. I went through a few weeks of nearly constant fear and have managed to calm down somewhat but still can not really relax at all and am very afraid that God has had it with me. I just continue to hope and pray that he is still there for me and will see me through this. My heart goes out to everyone else dealing with similar issues and struggling to feel the Lord's presence in their lives. I wanted to share here so other Christians who may read this could send a prayer out for me...my first child is turning 1 year old in May and she will of course be raised in Christ regardless but I desperately need to feel his closeness again so I can have comfort and be the Christian father that I am so determined to be for her. Thanks again for this topic, sorry to be so wordy but writing this out has made me feel a little better tonight!

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    1. Dear Anonymous
      Thank you for sharing your testimony with us.
      Have you seen a doctor and discussed with them your sleeping problems and anxiety? They may be able to help you there so that you can sleep better and relax more. This should help your mind to cope better with what you are going through.

      Also, please be assured that Jesus will never turn you away. John 6:37 "All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive."

      Keep pressing into Jesus. Read Psalm 23 and see the promises He gives you, to lead you through the difficult times. Also read the gospel of John, for John was closest to Jesus and reveals Him so wonderfully through his writings.

      Lastly, to help you to develop a good, solid Biblical foundation, please study the doctrine of a church such as Presbyterian, Baptist, or Assembly of God.

      God bless
      Peter

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  131. Peter,

    Thank you for your sharing. As like most I came across this blog from searching Google about feeling abandoned by God. I know what happened to me the day before Easter 2012 and things that followed do to that event has rocked me to my very core. I was at the time a 43 year old female and was lied about and arrested based on the lie of a 19 year old teenage girl stranger whom physically attached me but pressed charges against me for battery. When I question the officer as to the fact I never hit her I was told no but she said I pushed her which is battery. Although she admitted she hit me and I had the bruised chin, swollen nose to prove it. Although I am not perfect by no means I have never gotten in even 1 oz. of trouble in my life not even so much as sent to the principal’s office as a child. I believed 110% God was going to fix it all because after all he knows what really happened. But he didn't and things only got worse. Things just kept going downhill from there. I cried out to God with no reply, I cried out to the pastors of my church with no reply, ended up stop going to church which let the devil just confirm everything that much more as God did not bring out the truth, my church whom I have been so active in was so consumed about saving souls that there was no time to help keep the souls that were there but struggling in their faith. Even when I cried out and said I just can't take it anymore and said I told the devil ok I give up you win just leave me alone. We are slowly getting back into church after being away more than 6 months with not even so much as an email from the church. Our church has TONS of support groups for grief of loss of loved one, addicts, miscarriages, cancer, porn ect. but none for when you have trusted in God with all your heart and feel like he has abandoned you. I feel like until I can find someone whom has gone through something like I have and they show me the way out I will never be able to find my way out because although I have prayed for God to help me let go of it as of yet I cannot let it go. I am very thankful to God that he gave me a wonderful husband of 18 years that has stood by me and cried with me. But I lived my entire life to do the right thing to have it all crash down over such a lie. Even if God does heal me from the obsession of it will he be able to erase the memory of my 8 yr. old daughter as she watched police officers put mommy in handcuffs and haul mommy away without being able to say a word to her to reassure her or be able to say a word to my husband. All after just leaving church from the Easter Egg hunt. I am looking for any type of program out there like grief share, weigh down ect that is a training series on dealing with feeling abandoned by God. I know I cannot be the only one out there at my church of 2000 who is or has had the feeling they have been abandoned by God. I would love to find something that lead a group through the feeling and Christians in the future that will feel this way through it in hopes that maybe they will at least not feel abandoned by the Church and others as I did. Also in hopes that they maybe not feel so alone as they go through it until they come out on the other side.

    Terrie

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    1. Dear Terrie
      What a terrible ordeal you have been through, and so tragic to hear of the way the church responded. I suspect this is a problem in many churches today, in that they do not cater to the broken and wounded, especially in areas of doubt etc. May I encourage you to read the Psalms, as King David experienced similar despair when King Saul hunted him down. And see his laments and then what conclusions he came too after/during those laments. And of also please ponder Jesus, who was treated as the worst criminal. And what I'll say now will most likely sound completely wacko, but I suspect you will begin to find release and relief when you start praising and thanking God not just in this situation, but for this situation. For God is in control, even when it does not seem like it, and uses all things for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28.
      Hang in there, and please press into Jesus.
      Peter

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  132. Peter,

    What you say about praising God does not sound wacko it was what I was raised to believe. And trust you me I was not 100% positive but 1010% positive that God was going to work it out for good even though I could not as a human wrap my head around how. I praised him, I prayed with passion for my accuser as the bible tells us to. On nights I knew she would be out partying and drinking under age and doing drugs I would pray and beg God to keep her safe and bring her home to her mother safe and sound. My husband and I prayed reminding God of his promise when 2 or more come together. But the more I believed in him and prayed to him and praised him like never before the worse things kept getting. We prayed as a family as I wanted my daughter to hear me praising God and praying for my accuser as the Bible teaches us. I wanted for God to show his Glory in the matter and be able to say to my daughter see we never lost faith and we prayed for the enemy and because we did as God told us here is how he blessed us. I had it all laid out in my mind of how God was going to vindicate me b/c of my faith in him and I was going to be able to use what happen as a lesson to show my daughter just how great our God is. Hoping that one day when something unfair happens in her life that is through no fault of her own that she will look back at this time and say I remember what happen to my mom when I was young and how she believed in God and praised him through the storm and prayed with such passion for her accuser and because of it God showed his blessing and did a miracle only God could do. But sadly that will not be the lesson she learned from this. I begged him to show me the lesson he wanted me to learn that I wanted to learn it not to shut my eyes and keep going around the mountain. The more I believed the worse things got. It wasn't until I finally said ok devil you win I can't take it any more you win just leave me alone did it finally seem that things although did not get better stopped getting worse.

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    1. Dear Terrie
      You've certainly been stuck in that horrid wilderness experience, that's for sure. Like the Israelites in the desert, going in circles for 40 years, it seems never ending and hopeless. But God's timing is different to ours, and when perseverance seems impossible, I believe we can keep going through Christ's strength. I also believe that God uses all things for good, however, we may not ever actually learn what good came of a situation until years later, perhaps not even until we get to heaven.

      One of the posts on this blog that may encourage/help is No 21. 'The Wilderness.'

      God bless
      Peter

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  133. Hi,
    I came across this site just like so many before me trying to understand these feelings of abandonment.
    My father, who also happened to be my best friend, passed away 2 years ago while I was out of the country. Ever since his passing, I have been depressed. I feel that God continues to bless people all around me but that he forgets about me. People are getting married, have children, families around them, new exciting jobs, etc and I am completely alone. I had no one to support me when my father passed away, but I thought God would be there. I have never felt so abandoned by God my entire life. Everything feels so hopeless. I feel that I must have done something for him to have abandoned me when I needed him the most. I feel torn because if he wasn't there after my father's passing when I needed him the most, why would he be there for me now?! I feel very torn because I see his love and greatness and blessings all around me, but not when it comes to me or my family. It's getting harder and harder to go on because I feel abandoned by God. I am not even going to church anymore because I don't think God is listening to me at all. I'm just having such a hard time and no support. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even think God hears my prayers anymore and it's getting hard ti pray to someone who I feel doesn't listen or hears me anymore.
    I have read Job recently and feel for him, but I am no longer getting comfort in reading the bible anymore. I really need help and feel depressed, but I don't know what to do?!

    Hannah

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    1. Dear Hannah,
      Thank you for sharing the trials you have been going through. And I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, it is a very special thing indeed when a daughter is best friends with her father.

      His passing is no doubt the cause of your depression, made worse because you were not there at the time. And I understand how everything looks so bleak, that it seems that everyone around you is being blessed, while God appears to have abandoned you. But this is in fact a symptom of depression - it distorts our perspective of life, twisting it into something that it is not. In a nutshell, you need to find the correct perspectives to have on life again. Go to your wisest Christian friend (not necessarily your best friend) and tell them what your perspectives are, and then ask them to show you what the true, correct perspectives are. Then write down what they say, and repeat them to yourself everyday. This can take time, but it works. And as you recover from depression, you will be able to find the true perspectives yourself.

      I know that you can't feel that God is with you, or listening to you, but the fact is that He is. This is one of the worst symptoms of depression, it effects our nervous system to the extent that we cannot make our normal emotional contact with God. Two years ago I was the same, even begging Jesus to reach through depression's horrible blackness and touch me in some tangible miraculous way. And though He did not do so, as the months passed and I began to recover from depression, I was able to connect with Him again.
      Please write down some scriptures about His promises to be with you, such as Joshua 1:5, 1:9, and Matthew 28:20, and choose to believe in them, although you cannot feel them. And the same with the Bible, with depression distorting your emotions and world view with such numbness, even darkness, it is normal for depressed Christian to take no comfort from reading the Bible. However - this is only temporary. As you start to recover from depression, those emotions and feelings will come back.

      Have you seen a doctor about your depression? Are you taking any meds? The right med can dampen the symptoms of depression, making it easier to concentrate on recovery. I also recommend that you download the booklet on this blog, for it should hopefully give you practical and encouraging help as you work through this.

      God bless
      Peter

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  134. Peter, enjoyed your writing. Thank you. I'm living with a chronic illness and pain now for over 20 years and finding that it requires faith and real, decisive choices to focus on the right things so as not to become overwhelmed. But I know God's faithfulness to me and for all that I have come to know of Him and myself and finding contentment in my soul regardless of the outer circumstances, I wouldn't trade any of it for a healthy body. (Although, if there was a simple torso-transplant available....I'd take it! :))
    Thanks for your encouragement. Keep on!

    Heather Hayashi
    http://learningrhythmsofgrace.wordpress.com

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  135. Thank you so much, Peter for taking the time to read and respond to my post! I will surely ask someone from church about the correct perspective, read the booklet and scriptures you provided and maybe see if I can talk to a professional about my depression.
    I really hope I can beat this depression and feel a connection with God again.

    God bless,
    Hannah

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    1. You're welcome, Hannah.
      I am glad you are going to pursue those things. You can beat this depression and feel that intimacy with God again. Keep the hope before you and never let go of it, regardless of how long it takes.
      God bless
      Peter

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  136. I'm not going to go into detail about my life because it is too depressing. I just want to believe so badly that God still has a hope for me. My anxiety and depression are getting worse along with the feeling of hopelessnesss. Just trying to find someone to pray for me cuz I feel like I want to die.

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    1. Dear Anonymous
      Thank you for writing to me. Have seen a doctor about your depression and anxiety? There are great medications that can greatly reduce the strength of depression's symptoms. Are you able to get counseling or see a psychologist or the like?

      Also, there are practical steps you can take to further reduce the strength and duration of depression. If you download the free booklet on this site and read it, you will find many such steps outlined. Depression Booklet. Also, can you borrow or buy a copy of "Self Help for your Nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. It is a wonderful, practical help too.

      Hang in there, you can learn to cope with and recover from depression to live a normal life again.
      God bless
      Peter

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  137. Peter,thankyou so much for your encouraging blog.I have tried to carry on my life and faith but fears of me having lost my salvation keep comimg back.After walking as a christian for 26 years I got caught up in a group that was more like a cult than a group of believers.Towards the end of my year with the group I felt like I was being pulled out of my body and was having many sinful thoughts and would wake up speaking out other Gods names that I do not even know.I worshipped and worshipped and felt I was breaking through and felt what I thought was the precence of the Holy Spirit.I then chose to doubt Christ and felt a darkness and Gods precence leave me.I stopped eating and sleeping and spent my time crying out to God.I went to the doctors and was sent to a psychartrist who was a christian.I was put on an anti psychotic drug for 4 months and a an anti-depressant for 9 months.I saw the psychartrist for 4 short appointments and and my own doctor a few times.I started to gradually feel better than I was.I feel so isolated and uncertain of my faith,I feel better and then sink back into despair.I have found a counselling service which I attend once a week,but counselling sessions are expensive.I feel so fearful and isolated.I go to church with my husband but feel such a hypocrite.A year after I left the group my twin brither commited suicide and my mother has been diagnosed with alzheimers.On the surface I seem to have everything going for me,lovely house,christian husband and kids but what use is all this without the assurance of my relationship with the Lord.Sorry about going on,just wanted to share with someone,Sharon

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    1. Dear Sharon,

      So sorry to hear about your brother, and for all of these other trials you have been through.
      I am glad to hear that you were/are? on anti-depressants. Not sure if you are still on them, but if they were helping, I would remain on them until you feel completely normal, and your doctor recommends coming off them.

      Regarding your lack of assurance of salvation and experiences with the cult. (You may have already done some/all of what I share now.) I would recommend that you repent to God of your involvement in the cult, and of all the associated sins and doubts. Then, either privately with your husband, or with some other close believers, verbally renounce the cult, its teachings, and the associated sins and doubts. And then I would recommend that you publically re-dedicate your life back to Christ.

      That behind you, stand on God's Word, for example, it says, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved," Acts 16;31, and "If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9. And then regardless of fears/doubts, remind yourself of truths of God's Word each morning, and when the doubts arise, remember the verses. And here is a whole post on this blog about getting assurance of our salvation.

      It may also be worthwhile revising sound doctrine to re-lay the foundations of your life, as we need to build our lives upon God's Word. Here is one good website that you could read, and I recommend that you click on each link and look up every Bible verse they quote.

      God bless
      Peter

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