Past emotional, mental or physical abuse, or being deeply hurt or mistreated by a friend or an enemy, are common causes of depression. I have had my share of such experiences. Bitterness, anger and unforgiveness are typical responses to such injustices suffered, but as these reactions hinder our walk with Christ, the Bible gives us ample instructions on how to overcome them.
Let me also mention here that in many of the above cases, especially where abuse is involved, getting help from a trained Christian counsellor or a professional health care worker is very highly recommended if not absolutely necessary.
Keep No Record of Wrongs
Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.”
This passage provides a vivid description of a life damaged by past hurts – a life that has become a wasteland, a desert. Dwelling upon a record of wrongs weighs us down and heavily burdens us. But the Lord’s instructions to forget those former things and not dwell on them, comes with a beautiful promise. Letting them go releases streams of living water into our life and enables God to do a new work in us.
One of the greatest new works Christ does in our lives is to bring us to a place where we can forgive those who have hurt us. This is such an important aspect of our daily Christian walk that Jesus included it as part of the Lord’s prayer. Luke 11:4 “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.”
Instead of dwelling on past hurts, we can let go of those memories and forgive the person that hurt us. Although we cannot make ourselves forget the memories, if we stop clinging to them the painful associations will fade significantly.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 ‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.’
“But it is Part of Who I am…”
One reason I had trouble letting go of past hurts was because they had become part of my identity. “I am this way because of how that person mistreated me,” was an excuse I believed. I feared that if I let go of the anger and record of wrongs and forgave the person who had hurt me, I would lose a part of myself, part of my very individuality.
However, Jesus taught me that such fears were unfounded, that I did not have to hold onto past hurts in order to maintain my identity. He showed me that there was another option - to allow His love and forgiveness to flow from me towards the person who hurt me. And when I did this, instead of anger and the record of past wrongs being part of who I was, Christ’s love and forgiveness became part of my identity.
If someone were to meet me and hear my testimony now, they would not hear me say, “I am this way because of how that person mistreated me.” Instead, they would see that I have forgiven the person who wounded me, and in fact love them dearly with the love of Christ. If they were to ask me how this could be so, I would answer, “I am this way because of Christ’s work of love and forgiveness in my life.”
When we let Christ's love and forgiveness become part of who we are, we change and become more like Christ. And is that not our goal, to become more like Him? 'It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.' Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
As we learn to surrender our lives to Christ, He can give us such a powerful revelation of His love for us that we can view others through His loving gaze rather than through our own eyes. I have experienced this very powerfully in my life.
Let us be like Stephen, whose attitude towards those who unjustly stoned him to death was: ‘While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, "Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.’ Acts 7:59-60
What a wonderful testimony this is to the power of God’s love. When others see us forgive - even love - those who have hurt us, they see the power of God’s kingdom in action, and their lives are changed too. I have heard of many cases of abusive prison wardens in Soviet countries coming to Christ after witnessing the unconditional love and forgiveness of their captives.
Harbouring Unforgiveness Hurts Ourselves
If we have been deeply hurt by someone in the past, we earnestly desire to flee that pain and be set free from the wounds. A thought that I would like us to bear in mind is that by consciously or unconsciously harbouring anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness towards that person, we unwittingly participate in keeping those wounds fresh and unable to heal. That is one reason that Jesus spoke so often of the importance of forgiving those who have wronged us. By not forgiving them, we hurt ourselves even further.
To Forgive Others, Reflect On How Much God Has Forgiven Us
The most liberating Biblical truth that helps us to forgive those who have treated us unjustly is to recognise the depths to which God has forgiven us.
Why does the Bible say, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,” Matthew 6:14? It is because for us to refuse to forgive others after God has forgiven our massive debts towards Him, shows a lack of appreciation of how much God has forgiven us.
We all know of the parable in Matthew 18:21-35, where a servant who owed millions of dollars to a king, had that debt cancelled when he asked for mercy. The servant then went on to throw a fellow servant that owed him a few dollars into prison, because he had not paused to reflect on the mercy the king had extended towards him.
This is the key to forgiving others, as Selwyn Hughes writes: ‘I would not judge you or condemn you if you said: “I can never forgive that person for what he (or she) did to me.” But what I would say to you is this: the more you reflect on the wonder of how much you have been forgiven the easier it will be to forgive even the worst sins that have been committed against you.’ (1)
So, regardless of how much we have been hurt by others, let us forgive them. If God forgives us of our numerous sins towards Him, we can forgive others of their (comparatively) lesser sins towards us.
And then we will be sons and daughters of God, revealing His nature to a hurting world, as it shows us in Luke 6:35-36 “But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High…Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
(1) Every Day with Jesus, Monday 18th Feb, Selwyn Hughes, CWR, Jan/Feb 2002.
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All verses from NIV unless noted otherwise.
Showing posts with label recovering from depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovering from depression. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Depression, Christians, and Anti-Depressant Medication
Along with counseling or professional therapy to deal with the traumas associated with or causing depression, another crucial step in recovering from clinical depression is a consultation with a good doctor. (Note that by depression, I am referring to an illness, the symptoms of which generally include loss of interest in life, overwhelming sadness, obsessive fearful thoughts, fear that this bleak, distressing phase will never end, no hope for the future, and many other disturbing physical, emotional, mental and spiritual symptoms.)
During the consultation we need to tell the doctor exactly what we are going through, we must not play down the symptoms. We also need to tell the doctor if we have been plagued by any suicidal thoughts or urges. Many doctors have a special checklist of questions regarding depression that they go through in order to ascertain our condition.
The doctor should also investigate whether there are any health issues that could be causing the depression, such as food intolerances, and so on.
Should the doctor recommend anti-depressant medication, we should seriously consider following the recommendation, and if we do, we must remain under the doctor’s supervision by having regular checkups and always following the doctor’s advice. If we notice any unpleasant or disturbing side effects caused by the medication we need to consult with the doctor immediately.
We also need to ignore the stigmas and negative attitudes that are often associated with anti-depressants such as, “Anti-depressants are a cop-out,” or, “You say you trust in God yet you rely on anti-depressants?” or, “How can you say God is all you need when you need pills to cope with life?” One reason anti-depressants are criticized in Christian circles is because they are taken by people who are not depressed in order to cope with problems instead of facing and dealing with them. Many also fear they will become addicted to anti-depressants.
We should never feel guilty or inadequate for taking medication for depression, as clinical depression is an actual illness, and as an illness, needs to be treated. For example, I have complex partial epilepsy. If I do not take anti-seizure medication I suffer quite horrific seizures, cannot sleep, and am not permitted to drive. The medication I take stops the seizures, allows me to sleep, and I can drive. No one has ever criticized me or questioned the depth of my faith for my dependence on the medication.
Before I went onto anti-depressants, my diary entries were completely devoid of hope, full of pain, despair, anger, guilt, and confusion. I was not sleeping, and my mind had lost all flexibility.
25th March 1990 –
I feel like I’m in a room with invisible walls,
But it’s so black in the room that I can’t see through the walls.
And I am in the centre of the room.
Where I go, the room goes, I can’t get out.
The Christian counselor I was seeing told me during our first session that I should be on anti-depressants to help me cope with the illness. Here is the diary entry I wrote just before seeing the family doctor in 1990. We can see how my view of anti-depressants was dictated by fear and the stigmas attached to them by society.
I’m not coping with life at all. I don’t think I can cope with this lack of peace any longer. Tomorrow I’m going to see the doctor and get some pills that will give me peace. Tomorrow I’m going to take pills to help me cope with life, and it’s really hard. I feel like saying, “What happened to Your Word, Jesus, where You said You would comfort me?” But I know you are faithful and true, although I don’t understand, I must trust in you and fix my eyes on You through this storm.
The doctor gave me an anti-depressant medication that included a mild tranquilizer, and my counselor gave me practical advice on how to take them. She explained that the pills would knock me out for the first week, so for that week I should take them earlier, until my body got used to them. She said that they would start to take effect in around two weeks. (I understand that some anti-depressants may take from three to six weeks.) This is what I wrote after the medication began to take effect.
29th April 1990 –
A faint glimmer of hope,
It’s amazing, absolutely amazing.
It’s now been almost two weeks since I’ve wanted to end it.
The temptation is to deny ever feeling like that,
To say, ‘I can’t believe I felt like that.’
But it was true, very true, far too real.
All I wanted to do was die, or get away from the pain.
So I guess these tablets must be working.
I’ve been taking them for four weeks now.
I was told it would take two weeks before they would start to take effect,
And it did.
As we can see, the anti-depressants greatly reduced the effects of depression. They dulled the pain and enabled me to sleep, an important part of the healing process.
One point I would like to make very clear is that anti-depressants do not heal depression nor completely stop the pain. This was something I quickly realized:
13th May 1990 –
It is so hard,
The deep pain has gone, but I’m still a mess.
However, with the deep pain gone and the symptoms dulled, I was able to concentrate on the task of recovery. I was able to listen to the counselor and slowly change my perspective on the things that I feared, and also put into practice the techniques recommended by Doctor Claire Weekes in ‘Self Help for Your Nerves.’ I do not believe I would have been able to accomplish this without the medication.
Not including those individuals who need to remain on anti-depressants due to significant biological or mental disorders, when going onto anti-depressants we may need to remind ourselves that we do not take them to help us cope with life, but in order to concentrate on our goal of recovering from depression.
It may help to consider anti-depressants as a step in a race, with the prize being recovery from depression so we can achieve wholeness in Christ. ‘Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.’ 1 Corinthians 9:24 Jesus wants us to be whole. ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’ John 10:10. So let us press on towards recovery, never giving up. ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 3:14
We must not fear that we will become addicted to or dependent upon the anti-depressants. If recovery from depression is our goal, and we address the causes of depression through counseling or therapy, that will never be an issue. If we find ourselves wanting to remain indefinitely on anti-depressants, more counseling or professional help is needed.
In ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes writes, “Usually, when cured, the last thing these people want to see is one of those wretched capsules or a dose of that pink mixture.” (1)
When we feel we have recovered sufficiently to get off the anti-depressants, this must be done with the doctor’s supervision, as getting off the medication too quickly causes problems.
I reduced the dosage of my medication slowly over several weeks, under my doctor’s supervision, and I remember clearly the day I walked into a pharmacy and handed the pharmacist the box of remaining anti-depressants and said, “I don't need these anymore.” I was smiling when I walked out.
(1) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p15.
Download an updated pdf booklet of this blog's articles
(All verses from the NIV)
During the consultation we need to tell the doctor exactly what we are going through, we must not play down the symptoms. We also need to tell the doctor if we have been plagued by any suicidal thoughts or urges. Many doctors have a special checklist of questions regarding depression that they go through in order to ascertain our condition.
The doctor should also investigate whether there are any health issues that could be causing the depression, such as food intolerances, and so on.
Should the doctor recommend anti-depressant medication, we should seriously consider following the recommendation, and if we do, we must remain under the doctor’s supervision by having regular checkups and always following the doctor’s advice. If we notice any unpleasant or disturbing side effects caused by the medication we need to consult with the doctor immediately.
We also need to ignore the stigmas and negative attitudes that are often associated with anti-depressants such as, “Anti-depressants are a cop-out,” or, “You say you trust in God yet you rely on anti-depressants?” or, “How can you say God is all you need when you need pills to cope with life?” One reason anti-depressants are criticized in Christian circles is because they are taken by people who are not depressed in order to cope with problems instead of facing and dealing with them. Many also fear they will become addicted to anti-depressants.
We should never feel guilty or inadequate for taking medication for depression, as clinical depression is an actual illness, and as an illness, needs to be treated. For example, I have complex partial epilepsy. If I do not take anti-seizure medication I suffer quite horrific seizures, cannot sleep, and am not permitted to drive. The medication I take stops the seizures, allows me to sleep, and I can drive. No one has ever criticized me or questioned the depth of my faith for my dependence on the medication.
Before I went onto anti-depressants, my diary entries were completely devoid of hope, full of pain, despair, anger, guilt, and confusion. I was not sleeping, and my mind had lost all flexibility.
25th March 1990 –
I feel like I’m in a room with invisible walls,
But it’s so black in the room that I can’t see through the walls.
And I am in the centre of the room.
Where I go, the room goes, I can’t get out.
The Christian counselor I was seeing told me during our first session that I should be on anti-depressants to help me cope with the illness. Here is the diary entry I wrote just before seeing the family doctor in 1990. We can see how my view of anti-depressants was dictated by fear and the stigmas attached to them by society.
I’m not coping with life at all. I don’t think I can cope with this lack of peace any longer. Tomorrow I’m going to see the doctor and get some pills that will give me peace. Tomorrow I’m going to take pills to help me cope with life, and it’s really hard. I feel like saying, “What happened to Your Word, Jesus, where You said You would comfort me?” But I know you are faithful and true, although I don’t understand, I must trust in you and fix my eyes on You through this storm.
The doctor gave me an anti-depressant medication that included a mild tranquilizer, and my counselor gave me practical advice on how to take them. She explained that the pills would knock me out for the first week, so for that week I should take them earlier, until my body got used to them. She said that they would start to take effect in around two weeks. (I understand that some anti-depressants may take from three to six weeks.) This is what I wrote after the medication began to take effect.
29th April 1990 –
A faint glimmer of hope,
It’s amazing, absolutely amazing.
It’s now been almost two weeks since I’ve wanted to end it.
The temptation is to deny ever feeling like that,
To say, ‘I can’t believe I felt like that.’
But it was true, very true, far too real.
All I wanted to do was die, or get away from the pain.
So I guess these tablets must be working.
I’ve been taking them for four weeks now.
I was told it would take two weeks before they would start to take effect,
And it did.
As we can see, the anti-depressants greatly reduced the effects of depression. They dulled the pain and enabled me to sleep, an important part of the healing process.
One point I would like to make very clear is that anti-depressants do not heal depression nor completely stop the pain. This was something I quickly realized:
13th May 1990 –
It is so hard,
The deep pain has gone, but I’m still a mess.
However, with the deep pain gone and the symptoms dulled, I was able to concentrate on the task of recovery. I was able to listen to the counselor and slowly change my perspective on the things that I feared, and also put into practice the techniques recommended by Doctor Claire Weekes in ‘Self Help for Your Nerves.’ I do not believe I would have been able to accomplish this without the medication.
Not including those individuals who need to remain on anti-depressants due to significant biological or mental disorders, when going onto anti-depressants we may need to remind ourselves that we do not take them to help us cope with life, but in order to concentrate on our goal of recovering from depression.
It may help to consider anti-depressants as a step in a race, with the prize being recovery from depression so we can achieve wholeness in Christ. ‘Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.’ 1 Corinthians 9:24 Jesus wants us to be whole. ‘I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’ John 10:10. So let us press on towards recovery, never giving up. ‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 3:14
We must not fear that we will become addicted to or dependent upon the anti-depressants. If recovery from depression is our goal, and we address the causes of depression through counseling or therapy, that will never be an issue. If we find ourselves wanting to remain indefinitely on anti-depressants, more counseling or professional help is needed.
In ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes writes, “Usually, when cured, the last thing these people want to see is one of those wretched capsules or a dose of that pink mixture.” (1)
When we feel we have recovered sufficiently to get off the anti-depressants, this must be done with the doctor’s supervision, as getting off the medication too quickly causes problems.
I reduced the dosage of my medication slowly over several weeks, under my doctor’s supervision, and I remember clearly the day I walked into a pharmacy and handed the pharmacist the box of remaining anti-depressants and said, “I don't need these anymore.” I was smiling when I walked out.
(1) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p15.
Download an updated pdf booklet of this blog's articles
(All verses from the NIV)
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Dealing with Self-Hate
This is what I wrote in my diary, on the 13th March 1990, three months into depression: I feel inadequate - I hate myself. It feels like God hates me (even though I know He loves me) but I can’t stand myself.
Only three months earlier, my life had been full of purpose. I was serving as an assistant pastor in a local church, involved in pastoral care, discipleship, the music team, and preaching. I was also working towards serving as a missionary in Asia. I fully expected 1990 to be one of the best years of my life.
Yet due to undiagnosed complex partial epilepsy, chronic insomnia, overworking through the whole year, suffering a massive shock, and worsening panic attacks, my life fell apart at the end of 1989. Shock, bewilderment, confusion, denial, fear and anger raged through me as a multitude of depression’s symptoms tore my life to pieces. In the first week of 1990 I had become so despondent that I abandoned my life dream of becoming a pastor and a missionary and left the ministry. I soon found myself unable to face people and lost contact with almost everyone I knew.
15th May /1990 –
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.I look at myself and find nothing but contempt for this pathetic person I have become.
I prayed non-stop to be whole again, but to no avail. All day, every day, I suffered from disturbing mental, physical and emotional discomfort. I was certain that my mind and body were plotting and raging spitefully against me and this drove me to distraction. I felt completely useless and utterly worthless.
6th July 1990 –
My reaction to this lack of peace is to hate myself, to think that I'm useless, and to wonder why my emotions continue to stuff me around like this. Can't my emotions tell that they have ruined me, and are ruining me?
It is easy to see how such suffering and negative changes in our life can destroy our self-concept and lead to self-hate, taking depression to deeper depths.
The purpose of this article is to encourage those experiencing self-hate, by showing that although these feelings seem to be justified, they are in fact a lie, and have no place in our lives.
We cannot throw off such feelings overnight, but we can re-train our underlying thought processes and conform them to God’s Word, bringing wholeness and relief.
We Need to Be Patient with Ourselves
The first thing we need to do is to recognise that we are ill. Depression is an illness, just as is diabetes, or deafness. In late 2004 I was admitted to hospital to receive major surgery on my left ear, which was deaf. The bones of my middle ear were replaced by a titanium prosthesis. I spent three days in hospital after the operation followed by two weeks at home. For the next three months I was not permitted to partake in any strenuous exercise.
No one would look at me in that situation and criticise me for ‘taking it easy.’ Nor did I hate myself for ceasing so many of life’s normal activities for three months. This is the attitude we need to take towards depression. Recognise it is an illness, be patient with ourselves and allow ample time for recovery, even if it takes months or years. We must be careful to recognise our limitations and not have unrealistic goals or expectations. This does not mean that we should hide from the world, only that we do not expect too much of ourselves.
Do Not Look Back
One of the biggest pitfalls of depression is to look back wistfully at what we used to be like, and lament over how low we have fallen – we would give anything to be like that again. I spent hours and hours ruminating over the past and wishing I could go back there or be like that again. This process is counter-productive - it only makes us worse.
The Christian counselor I saw taught me this - to be in deep surrender to God really means to never look back with regret upon the past, nor forward to any wish of what we want to be like in the future. Comparing ourselves to what we used to be, or what we want to be like, is a hindrance to resting in God's will. We must be content to be who He made us to be today, to be content to be where He put us today, and to be content to be how He made us to be today.
Let us again consider Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’
How Does God View Us?
While suffering from depression we cannot trust our own opinion of ourselves. A friend who had experienced depression told me, “We can’t see properly in times like this. Our feelings completely distort our world view and vision.”
So let us look at how God views us, and then view ourselves through Jesus’ eyes.
Genesis 1:26 says, Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." We are not the chance result of millions of years of evolution, but created in God’s very image.
The Bible says that although we are sinners, we still have great significance and value. Psalm 8:4-5 says, ‘What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour.’
Even in our fallen, sinful condition, the Bible shows us just how much God loves us. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. God did not wait for us to become perfect before He loved us; He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die in our place so that our relationship with God can be restored.
Hebrews 12:2 says Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. What was that joy set before Jesus that motivated Him to die for us? It tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. Jesus treasures us so greatly that He wants us to share our whole life with Him.
John 1:12-13 tells us that ‘to all who received Jesus, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.’ Those who believe in Christ are God’s very own children!
Psalm 17:8 tells us that we are God’s treasure. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. It always encourages me when I think of Jesus looking at me as His treasure.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says, God made Jesus, who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Jesus we might become the righteousness of God. This means that when God looks at us, He does not see our old, sinful nature, or our problems. He sees the purity and righteousness of Jesus in us instead.
Romans 8:1 reinforces that. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This is a very important lesson for us to learn. Do not let guilt and condemnation trip our feet. Jesus has forgiven us and cast our sins into the deepest sea!
God comes to live in our hearts if we ask Him. John 14:23 says, Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. We are God’s temple - what an honour!
Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my favourite verses in the Bible, because it shows exactly how God thinks of His children. "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
Only three months earlier, my life had been full of purpose. I was serving as an assistant pastor in a local church, involved in pastoral care, discipleship, the music team, and preaching. I was also working towards serving as a missionary in Asia. I fully expected 1990 to be one of the best years of my life.
Yet due to undiagnosed complex partial epilepsy, chronic insomnia, overworking through the whole year, suffering a massive shock, and worsening panic attacks, my life fell apart at the end of 1989. Shock, bewilderment, confusion, denial, fear and anger raged through me as a multitude of depression’s symptoms tore my life to pieces. In the first week of 1990 I had become so despondent that I abandoned my life dream of becoming a pastor and a missionary and left the ministry. I soon found myself unable to face people and lost contact with almost everyone I knew.
15th May /1990 –
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.I look at myself and find nothing but contempt for this pathetic person I have become.
I prayed non-stop to be whole again, but to no avail. All day, every day, I suffered from disturbing mental, physical and emotional discomfort. I was certain that my mind and body were plotting and raging spitefully against me and this drove me to distraction. I felt completely useless and utterly worthless.
6th July 1990 –
My reaction to this lack of peace is to hate myself, to think that I'm useless, and to wonder why my emotions continue to stuff me around like this. Can't my emotions tell that they have ruined me, and are ruining me?
It is easy to see how such suffering and negative changes in our life can destroy our self-concept and lead to self-hate, taking depression to deeper depths.
The purpose of this article is to encourage those experiencing self-hate, by showing that although these feelings seem to be justified, they are in fact a lie, and have no place in our lives.
We cannot throw off such feelings overnight, but we can re-train our underlying thought processes and conform them to God’s Word, bringing wholeness and relief.
We Need to Be Patient with Ourselves
The first thing we need to do is to recognise that we are ill. Depression is an illness, just as is diabetes, or deafness. In late 2004 I was admitted to hospital to receive major surgery on my left ear, which was deaf. The bones of my middle ear were replaced by a titanium prosthesis. I spent three days in hospital after the operation followed by two weeks at home. For the next three months I was not permitted to partake in any strenuous exercise.
No one would look at me in that situation and criticise me for ‘taking it easy.’ Nor did I hate myself for ceasing so many of life’s normal activities for three months. This is the attitude we need to take towards depression. Recognise it is an illness, be patient with ourselves and allow ample time for recovery, even if it takes months or years. We must be careful to recognise our limitations and not have unrealistic goals or expectations. This does not mean that we should hide from the world, only that we do not expect too much of ourselves.
Do Not Look Back
One of the biggest pitfalls of depression is to look back wistfully at what we used to be like, and lament over how low we have fallen – we would give anything to be like that again. I spent hours and hours ruminating over the past and wishing I could go back there or be like that again. This process is counter-productive - it only makes us worse.
The Christian counselor I saw taught me this - to be in deep surrender to God really means to never look back with regret upon the past, nor forward to any wish of what we want to be like in the future. Comparing ourselves to what we used to be, or what we want to be like, is a hindrance to resting in God's will. We must be content to be who He made us to be today, to be content to be where He put us today, and to be content to be how He made us to be today.
Let us again consider Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’
How Does God View Us?
While suffering from depression we cannot trust our own opinion of ourselves. A friend who had experienced depression told me, “We can’t see properly in times like this. Our feelings completely distort our world view and vision.”
So let us look at how God views us, and then view ourselves through Jesus’ eyes.
Genesis 1:26 says, Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." We are not the chance result of millions of years of evolution, but created in God’s very image.
The Bible says that although we are sinners, we still have great significance and value. Psalm 8:4-5 says, ‘What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honour.’
Even in our fallen, sinful condition, the Bible shows us just how much God loves us. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8. God did not wait for us to become perfect before He loved us; He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die in our place so that our relationship with God can be restored.
Hebrews 12:2 says Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. What was that joy set before Jesus that motivated Him to die for us? It tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. Jesus treasures us so greatly that He wants us to share our whole life with Him.
John 1:12-13 tells us that ‘to all who received Jesus, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.’ Those who believe in Christ are God’s very own children!
Psalm 17:8 tells us that we are God’s treasure. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. It always encourages me when I think of Jesus looking at me as His treasure.
2 Corinthians 5:21 says, God made Jesus, who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Jesus we might become the righteousness of God. This means that when God looks at us, He does not see our old, sinful nature, or our problems. He sees the purity and righteousness of Jesus in us instead.
Romans 8:1 reinforces that. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This is a very important lesson for us to learn. Do not let guilt and condemnation trip our feet. Jesus has forgiven us and cast our sins into the deepest sea!
God comes to live in our hearts if we ask Him. John 14:23 says, Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. We are God’s temple - what an honour!
Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my favourite verses in the Bible, because it shows exactly how God thinks of His children. "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
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Thursday, April 10, 2014
The Storms of Life
I wrote the rough draft for this post a couple of weeks ago but got sidetracked into writing the wilderness post. Although the posts are similar in theme, I finally found the time to finish this one.
We have probably all heard at least one stirring message entitled, “Come to Jesus and He will calm your raging storms,” based on Mark 4:35-41, as below:
Mark 4:35-41 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
This is such an encouraging and powerful passage of Scripture, yet on each occasion I have heard a sermon based on it, a significant aspect of the passage has been glossed over or omitted. Let us look at verse 35. That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Jesus, fully aware the storm was imminent, could have spared the disciples a great deal of distress and anguish had He said, “Look, there’s a really big storm coming, so let’s remain on land until it passes.”
But Jesus did not do that. Rather, he deliberately led the disciples through that storm. It is also important to note that the storm itself was not their destination – it was the other side of the lake. Bearing in mind that God uses all things for good for those who love Him; Jesus obviously had His divine purposes in mind when He took the disciples through that storm rather than avoiding it.
We can learn so much from this passage in Mark. It shows that our hope of being able to avoid the storms of life is an unrealistic expectation. I remember writing an essay in year twelve where I shared that I believed God would never allow me to go through any significant trials. Unrealistic expectations like this set us up for a fall. When those storms come, we are surprised, bewildered, and shocked.
Depression, the greatest trial I have endured, took me completely by surprise.
12th April ’90 –
What is this storm that rages within me?
Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
And it won’t go away. It’s near four months now.
Four months of doing nothing, just hiding, hiding, and waiting.
I have no future, how can there be one when I’m like this?
I can’t face anyone except those I must.
I wait and wait, I pray and pray.
But there’s nothing I can do, or else I’d have done it.
Every day means another day wasted,
I had such high hopes for this year,
But one third’s almost gone, and I’ve been in hell.
Oh Jesus, if I’d only known this was coming,
Then maybe I could have spent hours on my knees,
Begging You to avert it from me.
We can see by my conclusion in the above diary entry that I still had the false notion that we could avoid the storms of life. Although I had read Bible passages that tell us we will suffer, I subconsciously hoped that they would not happen to me. Hence when depression came, the shock brought me crashing to the ground. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (I Peter 4:12-13)
Let us also consider the words of Jesus when He faced with the greatest trial a man has ever faced - His atoning death on the cross. Matthew 26:42 He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
Another lesson to be gained from this passage in Mark is the disciples’ reaction to the storm. They feared there was no escape and that they would perish in it. That was my reaction to depression as well, I was terrified that it would never end and that there was no way out. I had completely forgotten that painful trials are part of our Christian walk towards growth and maturity, just as the disciples had forgotten Jesus words, "Let us go over to the other side." They already knew Jesus said they were crossing the lake, so why did they fear they would perish on the way?
Eventually, the disciples remembered the Lord and ran to Him for help. Yet instead of asking Him to lead them safely through the storm because they had faith in Him, they panicked, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
Before going onto anti-depressant meds, depression afflicted me with chronic insomnia. Although some nights I managed to lie there all night without grumbling or complaining, after several nights of this torture I would snap. I remember shaking my fist at the ceiling and saying, “Jesus, why do you just sit there! Can’t you see that I need sleep? Why don’t you act? Don’t you care?”
The answer Jesus gave to the disciples in response to their fear has ministered so much to me. "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I can imagine Jesus thinking the following as He gently admonished them. “Hey, why are you so afraid? Haven’t you figured it out yet? Don’t you know who I am? It’s Me, the One who brought your forefathers out of Egypt, the One who provided them with mana and quail, the One who lead them through the wilderness and into the promised land. Now if I did all that for them, why are you so afraid?”
And now comes the good bit, now we see why Jesus took the disciples through this storm, we see how He used this trial for good in their lives. Consider the disciples’ reaction when they glimpsed Christ’s divine power and glory as He stilled the raging storm. They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" At long last, they began to understand that this Jesus was no ordinary prophet but God Almighty incarnated into human flesh, a God who was not impersonal and distant, but right there with them - Immanuel, God with us.
The disciples marvelled at the love and care Christ demonstrated for them, not only for stopping a raging storm just for them, but also for guiding them successfully to the other side. Did you know that a Psalm written centuries earlier shows us the disciples’ reaction to this very storm?
Psalm 107:23-31
Others went out on the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the LORD,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
My experiences with depression were the same. To this day I praise and thank Christ for leading me through that storm and to the other side. I marvel at the power and loving care He demonstrated as He gently lead me back to full health. The result was that I drew much, much closer to Him, and learnt to rely upon Him to the extent that subsequent trials did not become wilderness experiences.
Philippians 3:8-11. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
All verses from the NIV.
We have probably all heard at least one stirring message entitled, “Come to Jesus and He will calm your raging storms,” based on Mark 4:35-41, as below:
Mark 4:35-41 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
This is such an encouraging and powerful passage of Scripture, yet on each occasion I have heard a sermon based on it, a significant aspect of the passage has been glossed over or omitted. Let us look at verse 35. That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Jesus, fully aware the storm was imminent, could have spared the disciples a great deal of distress and anguish had He said, “Look, there’s a really big storm coming, so let’s remain on land until it passes.”
But Jesus did not do that. Rather, he deliberately led the disciples through that storm. It is also important to note that the storm itself was not their destination – it was the other side of the lake. Bearing in mind that God uses all things for good for those who love Him; Jesus obviously had His divine purposes in mind when He took the disciples through that storm rather than avoiding it.
We can learn so much from this passage in Mark. It shows that our hope of being able to avoid the storms of life is an unrealistic expectation. I remember writing an essay in year twelve where I shared that I believed God would never allow me to go through any significant trials. Unrealistic expectations like this set us up for a fall. When those storms come, we are surprised, bewildered, and shocked.
Depression, the greatest trial I have endured, took me completely by surprise.
12th April ’90 –
What is this storm that rages within me?
Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
And it won’t go away. It’s near four months now.
Four months of doing nothing, just hiding, hiding, and waiting.
I have no future, how can there be one when I’m like this?
I can’t face anyone except those I must.
I wait and wait, I pray and pray.
But there’s nothing I can do, or else I’d have done it.
Every day means another day wasted,
I had such high hopes for this year,
But one third’s almost gone, and I’ve been in hell.
Oh Jesus, if I’d only known this was coming,
Then maybe I could have spent hours on my knees,
Begging You to avert it from me.
We can see by my conclusion in the above diary entry that I still had the false notion that we could avoid the storms of life. Although I had read Bible passages that tell us we will suffer, I subconsciously hoped that they would not happen to me. Hence when depression came, the shock brought me crashing to the ground. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (I Peter 4:12-13)
Let us also consider the words of Jesus when He faced with the greatest trial a man has ever faced - His atoning death on the cross. Matthew 26:42 He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
Another lesson to be gained from this passage in Mark is the disciples’ reaction to the storm. They feared there was no escape and that they would perish in it. That was my reaction to depression as well, I was terrified that it would never end and that there was no way out. I had completely forgotten that painful trials are part of our Christian walk towards growth and maturity, just as the disciples had forgotten Jesus words, "Let us go over to the other side." They already knew Jesus said they were crossing the lake, so why did they fear they would perish on the way?
Eventually, the disciples remembered the Lord and ran to Him for help. Yet instead of asking Him to lead them safely through the storm because they had faith in Him, they panicked, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
Before going onto anti-depressant meds, depression afflicted me with chronic insomnia. Although some nights I managed to lie there all night without grumbling or complaining, after several nights of this torture I would snap. I remember shaking my fist at the ceiling and saying, “Jesus, why do you just sit there! Can’t you see that I need sleep? Why don’t you act? Don’t you care?”
The answer Jesus gave to the disciples in response to their fear has ministered so much to me. "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" I can imagine Jesus thinking the following as He gently admonished them. “Hey, why are you so afraid? Haven’t you figured it out yet? Don’t you know who I am? It’s Me, the One who brought your forefathers out of Egypt, the One who provided them with mana and quail, the One who lead them through the wilderness and into the promised land. Now if I did all that for them, why are you so afraid?”
And now comes the good bit, now we see why Jesus took the disciples through this storm, we see how He used this trial for good in their lives. Consider the disciples’ reaction when they glimpsed Christ’s divine power and glory as He stilled the raging storm. They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" At long last, they began to understand that this Jesus was no ordinary prophet but God Almighty incarnated into human flesh, a God who was not impersonal and distant, but right there with them - Immanuel, God with us.
The disciples marvelled at the love and care Christ demonstrated for them, not only for stopping a raging storm just for them, but also for guiding them successfully to the other side. Did you know that a Psalm written centuries earlier shows us the disciples’ reaction to this very storm?
Psalm 107:23-31
Others went out on the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters.
They saw the works of the LORD,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
They reeled and staggered like drunken men;
they were at their wits' end.
Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men.
My experiences with depression were the same. To this day I praise and thank Christ for leading me through that storm and to the other side. I marvel at the power and loving care He demonstrated as He gently lead me back to full health. The result was that I drew much, much closer to Him, and learnt to rely upon Him to the extent that subsequent trials did not become wilderness experiences.
Philippians 3:8-11. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
All verses from the NIV.
Friday, April 4, 2014
The Wilderness
We are all familiar with the story of Moses and the Israelites, enslaved by the Egyptians for three hundred years. God heard His people’s cries for help, and by a series of divine interventions, set them free from slavery and led them out of Egypt and into the wilderness, a desert.
However, the wilderness was not the Israelites destination, it was a place God was taking them through on the way to the land God had promised to give them, ‘a land flowing with milk and honey,’ Exodus 13:5.
The Bible frequently uses the Old Testament nation of Israel as a type or symbol of our own lives. We Christians were all slaves too – slaves to sin and death. God heard our cries for help, and through Christ’s atoning death and resurrection, set us free from slavery and led us out. And just like God lead Israel through a wilderness on the way to their Promised Land, there are times that He leads us through wildernesses on our way to heaven.
Why did God take Israel through the wilderness instead of taking them straight to the Promised Land? He did so to help them grow and mature. ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4.
To say it in another way, although God had taken Israel out of Egypt, He wanted to take Egypt out of Israel. Likewise, although God has taken us out of the world and sin, He wants to take the world and our old self-centred sinful nature out of us. God used my time in the wilderness experience of depression to purge so much of my sinful nature. He taught me to rely upon Him instead of on myself, to rest in His peace instead of trusting in my feelings, to trust that He was in control of my life, and that I have nothing to fear.
How long we tarry in the wilderness while on the way to our Promised Land depends largely on how we react to the wilderness experience. How did the Israelites respond to their journey through the wilderness?
Although they had just witnessed the awesome power of God in Egypt, what did they say when Pharaoh’s army trapped them against the shores of the Red Sea? “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” Exodus 14:11-12.
And when they ran out of food? "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3
And when there was no water to be found? But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?" Exodus 17:3.
What about when faced with the powerful nations that occupied Canaan? All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?" Numbers 14:2-3.
In all these cases, instead of turning to God and asking for His help, they complained and grumbled against God. Because of this, they ended up spending forty years in the wilderness instead of a few months.
Perhaps while in the wilderness we have had the same reaction - grumbling against God and wishing we were back in the world. “Life was better before I became a Christian, things were easier when I was in the world.” But we know that is not true. Firstly, unbelievers experience trials too, but without the comforting strength of Christ to sustain and help them. And secondly, even if life as an unbeliever had been easier, it was an illusion, a lie, as that life leads to hell. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14.
A wilderness experience may seem unbearable to those who are in it, but we can be confident that God will not lead us through something that we cannot overcome through His strength. For example, did you know that God could have lead the Israelites to Canaan via a shorter route, but that this dangerous route was too hard for them? Exodus 13:17-18 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.
So we can be confident that whatever we are going through today can be overcome if we rely upon Him.
Not all trials become a wilderness experience, although many have the potential of becoming one. The fact is that we can skip the wilderness aspect of suffering altogether by responding differently to the trial. See below a wilderness experience contrasted against suffering that skips the wilderness.
Suffering Leading to A Wilderness Experience
* We go through a trial
* We respond by complaining and grumbling against God
* We become bitter
* We enter an extended time in a spiritual wilderness
* Internal suffering becomes acute, almost unbearable
* We cry out to the Lord for help, and repent of our grumbling
* The Lord answers and leads us out of the wilderness
* The Lord continues to lead us along the road that leads to life
Suffering that Skips the Wilderness Experience
* We go through a trial
* We respond by thanking God for it
* We acknowledge that God is in control of every aspect of our life, even this one
* We rest in God’s peace, content to be in this place at this time
* The suffering does not become internal, but remains outside us as we take refuge in the Lord
* We reverently pour our heart out to the Lord, and wait patiently for His strength and provision
* The Lord continues to lead us along the road that leads to life
I have been through both of the above. Trials I experienced in late 1989 lead to one of the worst wilderness experiences possible, depression. While in this wilderness I went from pouring my heart out to God and reminding myself that He was faithful, to grumbling and complaining. I went from one extreme to the other, with the grumbling hindering my Christian walk and recovery.
If only the Israelites in the desert had praised God whenever they encountered difficulties, and waited patiently for Him to provide for their needs. Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him. They had seen His works, His miracles, they saw the cloud and the pillar of fire – they knew He was with them. Had they done this instead of grumbling and complaining, they would have left the wilderness much sooner.
When the Lord taught me to stop grumbling, fearing and fighting what I was going through, that I needed to wait patiently for Him to lead me to full recovery, the inner suffering become noticeably less. As I waited to recover I praised Him, accepted that this was where He had lead me, and acknowledged that He was in control of my life, regardless of how things seemed. This was when my trek out of that wilderness began in earnest. And lead me out of that wilderness He did, and I continued my journey along the road that leads to life.
When I was afflicted by hundreds of complex partial epileptic seizures from 1996 to 2002/3, and then by deafness accompanied by almost unbearable tinnitus from 2002-2003, by applying the lessons I had learnt while recovering from depression, I was able to skip the wilderness aspect of those trials. Eventually the Lord led me through those trials as well. The epilepsy is now controlled by medication, and an operation restored 70% hearing to my deaf ear, removing much of the tinnitus as well. I am still partially deaf, but that’s a huge improvement over being deaf.
Let us learn from Israel’s example of what to do and what not to do, and guard our hearts from grumbling against God and our circumstances. Let us praise Him, acknowledge His lordship, and learn to be content whatever our circumstances. Then we can cut short time spent in the wilderness, and in the process learn how to skip the wilderness experience aspect of future trials.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
All verses from the NIV.
However, the wilderness was not the Israelites destination, it was a place God was taking them through on the way to the land God had promised to give them, ‘a land flowing with milk and honey,’ Exodus 13:5.
The Bible frequently uses the Old Testament nation of Israel as a type or symbol of our own lives. We Christians were all slaves too – slaves to sin and death. God heard our cries for help, and through Christ’s atoning death and resurrection, set us free from slavery and led us out. And just like God lead Israel through a wilderness on the way to their Promised Land, there are times that He leads us through wildernesses on our way to heaven.
Why did God take Israel through the wilderness instead of taking them straight to the Promised Land? He did so to help them grow and mature. ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4.
To say it in another way, although God had taken Israel out of Egypt, He wanted to take Egypt out of Israel. Likewise, although God has taken us out of the world and sin, He wants to take the world and our old self-centred sinful nature out of us. God used my time in the wilderness experience of depression to purge so much of my sinful nature. He taught me to rely upon Him instead of on myself, to rest in His peace instead of trusting in my feelings, to trust that He was in control of my life, and that I have nothing to fear.
How long we tarry in the wilderness while on the way to our Promised Land depends largely on how we react to the wilderness experience. How did the Israelites respond to their journey through the wilderness?
Although they had just witnessed the awesome power of God in Egypt, what did they say when Pharaoh’s army trapped them against the shores of the Red Sea? “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” Exodus 14:11-12.
And when they ran out of food? "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death." Exodus 16:3
And when there was no water to be found? But the people were thirsty for water there, and they grumbled against Moses. They said, "Why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?" Exodus 17:3.
What about when faced with the powerful nations that occupied Canaan? All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, "If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert! Why is the LORD bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn't it be better for us to go back to Egypt?" Numbers 14:2-3.
In all these cases, instead of turning to God and asking for His help, they complained and grumbled against God. Because of this, they ended up spending forty years in the wilderness instead of a few months.
Perhaps while in the wilderness we have had the same reaction - grumbling against God and wishing we were back in the world. “Life was better before I became a Christian, things were easier when I was in the world.” But we know that is not true. Firstly, unbelievers experience trials too, but without the comforting strength of Christ to sustain and help them. And secondly, even if life as an unbeliever had been easier, it was an illusion, a lie, as that life leads to hell. “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matthew 7:13-14.
A wilderness experience may seem unbearable to those who are in it, but we can be confident that God will not lead us through something that we cannot overcome through His strength. For example, did you know that God could have lead the Israelites to Canaan via a shorter route, but that this dangerous route was too hard for them? Exodus 13:17-18 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea.
So we can be confident that whatever we are going through today can be overcome if we rely upon Him.
Not all trials become a wilderness experience, although many have the potential of becoming one. The fact is that we can skip the wilderness aspect of suffering altogether by responding differently to the trial. See below a wilderness experience contrasted against suffering that skips the wilderness.
Suffering Leading to A Wilderness Experience
* We go through a trial
* We respond by complaining and grumbling against God
* We become bitter
* We enter an extended time in a spiritual wilderness
* Internal suffering becomes acute, almost unbearable
* We cry out to the Lord for help, and repent of our grumbling
* The Lord answers and leads us out of the wilderness
* The Lord continues to lead us along the road that leads to life
Suffering that Skips the Wilderness Experience
* We go through a trial
* We respond by thanking God for it
* We acknowledge that God is in control of every aspect of our life, even this one
* We rest in God’s peace, content to be in this place at this time
* The suffering does not become internal, but remains outside us as we take refuge in the Lord
* We reverently pour our heart out to the Lord, and wait patiently for His strength and provision
* The Lord continues to lead us along the road that leads to life
I have been through both of the above. Trials I experienced in late 1989 lead to one of the worst wilderness experiences possible, depression. While in this wilderness I went from pouring my heart out to God and reminding myself that He was faithful, to grumbling and complaining. I went from one extreme to the other, with the grumbling hindering my Christian walk and recovery.
If only the Israelites in the desert had praised God whenever they encountered difficulties, and waited patiently for Him to provide for their needs. Psalm 37:7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him. They had seen His works, His miracles, they saw the cloud and the pillar of fire – they knew He was with them. Had they done this instead of grumbling and complaining, they would have left the wilderness much sooner.
When the Lord taught me to stop grumbling, fearing and fighting what I was going through, that I needed to wait patiently for Him to lead me to full recovery, the inner suffering become noticeably less. As I waited to recover I praised Him, accepted that this was where He had lead me, and acknowledged that He was in control of my life, regardless of how things seemed. This was when my trek out of that wilderness began in earnest. And lead me out of that wilderness He did, and I continued my journey along the road that leads to life.
When I was afflicted by hundreds of complex partial epileptic seizures from 1996 to 2002/3, and then by deafness accompanied by almost unbearable tinnitus from 2002-2003, by applying the lessons I had learnt while recovering from depression, I was able to skip the wilderness aspect of those trials. Eventually the Lord led me through those trials as well. The epilepsy is now controlled by medication, and an operation restored 70% hearing to my deaf ear, removing much of the tinnitus as well. I am still partially deaf, but that’s a huge improvement over being deaf.
Let us learn from Israel’s example of what to do and what not to do, and guard our hearts from grumbling against God and our circumstances. Let us praise Him, acknowledge His lordship, and learn to be content whatever our circumstances. Then we can cut short time spent in the wilderness, and in the process learn how to skip the wilderness experience aspect of future trials.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
All verses from the NIV.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
My Grace is Sufficient for You
For years I viewed God’s grace as being when God grants unmerited favour to those who do not deserve it, or specifically, when God grants the gift of salvation to undeserving sinners.
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.
Below are the lyrics of a song that I sang to the Lord countless times during my private praise and worship times:
Your grace is sufficient for me, and I’m loving You, more and more.
Your face is all I want to see, and I’m loving You, more and more.
When I behold You in the word, I learn to walk in victory,
I know that when I’m weak You’ll make me strong.
If I’m about to fall, I know your hands are always there.
Jesus, I love You more and more.
By Ps Tom Rawls, Gary Houston, 1986?
(Note, the chord charts for this song is at the bottom of this post.)
When I went on an eight-day missionary orientation trip to Thailand in late 1989, one of my fondest memories was of playing this song on the piano in a Bangkok Bible college.
The song is inspired by 2 Cor 12:8-9 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you.”
When I became severely depressed at the end of 1989, I found that when I sang this song, my exhausted, nervously ill mind completely misunderstood what 2 Cor 12:8-10 teaches. Unable to reason, I thought that this verse was God saying to me, “My unmerited favour, specifically your salvation, is all you need to get through this.” To this I responded disappointedly, “No, it is not enough! This suffering I am going through defies comprehension, I need more than that to get through this living nightmare! I need Your help, Your strength, Your healing!” But I truly feared that these things were not coming. (Little did I realise at the time that He had been strengthening me throughout the ordeal.)
However, I eventually learnt that God’s grace is far more than granting the gift of salvation to undeserving sinners. Let us have a look at the rest of 2 Cor 12:8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Now in reading this, perhaps we are wondering, what has Christ’s power, or strength, got to do with grace? The answer is that it has everything to do with God’s grace. Let us take a journey through God’s word, and we will see what God’s grace actually gives us. I was surprised when I learnt this.
It is from His grace that God pours His blessings upon us. John 1:16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.
It is through His grace that Christ gives us His divine power and strength to deal with any trial, and His strength is SO much better than our own! This is how the Amplified Bible presents 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).
Also, grace is not something we receive just the once when we receive His gift of salvation, it is available in abundance! Romans 5:17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.
More proof of the boundless abundance of God’s grace is seen in Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace. Also in 1 Timothy 1:14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
We receive Christ’s eternal riches from His grace. 2 Corinthians 8:9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
In fact, everything we need to succeed in our walk with Christ and do good works comes from God’s grace. 2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Now I understood why Jesus told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Because Christ’s grace is the vehicle by which He gives us whatever we need to get through that trial, to resist a temptation, to overcome an obstacle. When we are weak, He gives us His power, when we are poor He gives us riches. ‘You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.’ 2 Timothy 2:1. Through His grace He also gives us salvation, favour, loving-kindness, mercy and all of His blessings.
While in the pits of depression, we fear the suffering will never end.
From my diary, 12th April 1990 –
I keep seeing this going on forever,
I can see two years gone by, and I’ve still go no peace,
It is like insomnia. When the sun comes up,
And you’re still awake, you realise you’ve been robbed.
But I was wrong - my fears were unfounded - I did recover from depression. God’s word is true when it says in 1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
All verses from NIV unless noted otherwise.
Chord charts and lyrics for 'Your Grace is Sufficient for Me.'
Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.
Below are the lyrics of a song that I sang to the Lord countless times during my private praise and worship times:
Your grace is sufficient for me, and I’m loving You, more and more.
Your face is all I want to see, and I’m loving You, more and more.
When I behold You in the word, I learn to walk in victory,
I know that when I’m weak You’ll make me strong.
If I’m about to fall, I know your hands are always there.
Jesus, I love You more and more.
By Ps Tom Rawls, Gary Houston, 1986?
(Note, the chord charts for this song is at the bottom of this post.)
When I went on an eight-day missionary orientation trip to Thailand in late 1989, one of my fondest memories was of playing this song on the piano in a Bangkok Bible college.
The song is inspired by 2 Cor 12:8-9 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you.”
When I became severely depressed at the end of 1989, I found that when I sang this song, my exhausted, nervously ill mind completely misunderstood what 2 Cor 12:8-10 teaches. Unable to reason, I thought that this verse was God saying to me, “My unmerited favour, specifically your salvation, is all you need to get through this.” To this I responded disappointedly, “No, it is not enough! This suffering I am going through defies comprehension, I need more than that to get through this living nightmare! I need Your help, Your strength, Your healing!” But I truly feared that these things were not coming. (Little did I realise at the time that He had been strengthening me throughout the ordeal.)
However, I eventually learnt that God’s grace is far more than granting the gift of salvation to undeserving sinners. Let us have a look at the rest of 2 Cor 12:8-10 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Now in reading this, perhaps we are wondering, what has Christ’s power, or strength, got to do with grace? The answer is that it has everything to do with God’s grace. Let us take a journey through God’s word, and we will see what God’s grace actually gives us. I was surprised when I learnt this.
It is from His grace that God pours His blessings upon us. John 1:16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.
It is through His grace that Christ gives us His divine power and strength to deal with any trial, and His strength is SO much better than our own! This is how the Amplified Bible presents 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But He said to me, My grace (My favor and loving-kindness and mercy) is enough for you [sufficient against any danger and enables you to bear the trouble manfully]; for My strength and power are made perfect (fulfilled and completed) and show themselves most effective in [your] weakness. Therefore, I will all the more gladly glory in my weaknesses and infirmities, that the strength and power of Christ (the Messiah) may rest (yes, may pitch a tent over and dwell) upon me!
So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength).
Also, grace is not something we receive just the once when we receive His gift of salvation, it is available in abundance! Romans 5:17 For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God's abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.
More proof of the boundless abundance of God’s grace is seen in Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace. Also in 1 Timothy 1:14 The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
We receive Christ’s eternal riches from His grace. 2 Corinthians 8:9 For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.
In fact, everything we need to succeed in our walk with Christ and do good works comes from God’s grace. 2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
Now I understood why Jesus told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Because Christ’s grace is the vehicle by which He gives us whatever we need to get through that trial, to resist a temptation, to overcome an obstacle. When we are weak, He gives us His power, when we are poor He gives us riches. ‘You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.’ 2 Timothy 2:1. Through His grace He also gives us salvation, favour, loving-kindness, mercy and all of His blessings.
While in the pits of depression, we fear the suffering will never end.
From my diary, 12th April 1990 –
I keep seeing this going on forever,
I can see two years gone by, and I’ve still go no peace,
It is like insomnia. When the sun comes up,
And you’re still awake, you realise you’ve been robbed.
But I was wrong - my fears were unfounded - I did recover from depression. God’s word is true when it says in 1 Peter 5:10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
All verses from NIV unless noted otherwise.
Chord charts and lyrics for 'Your Grace is Sufficient for Me.'
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
From Hopelessness to Hope
I thought I would do something a little different for this post. Below are two entries from my diary. I wrote This is so Hard in July 1990 while still in the pits of depression – a time when I had no hope. I could see no future, everything was bleak, desolate, and there was no end in sight.
I wrote A Special Place in January 1992, while recovering from depression. This was after I had been shown the route to recovery, a time when hope had re-entered my life. I had already made significant leaps and bounds in my recovery, but was still afflicted by panic attacks, episodes of endless mental churning, extreme exhaustion, and so on.
This is so Hard 3rd July 1990
Sometimes, it seems that being a Christian hinders more than it helps.
My understanding of God was then when someone was going through a hard time,
He would strengthen them,
That He would help and heal them.
Yet, I find that for much of the time,
I try to forget about Him, because when I think of Him,
I see Someone who could heal me simply by speaking two words,
"Be healed."
I know what He can do, and I've seen what He can do.
I know it is in His character to heal all people of all sicknesses.
Yet, I am still here.
I keep going around in circles.
Why am I in such a mess? Jesus can heal me.
But regardless of how I've sought Him so far,
There's been nothing tangible,
So, I get angry and bitter.
And then I repent of my anger and bitterness,
And ask Him to help me to wait faithfully and patiently for Him.
It's just like when I suffered from insomnia.
He could have stepped in and stopped it, but He did not,
So I got angry - angry at Him, and angry at my body.
But I eventually learnt not to get angry,
So again here, step by step, I am learning to be patient,
But it is so hard, so hard.
I just want to get on with my life.
Will I ever be me again?
I just wish this sensation of being disturbed all the time would go away.
And know it will never come back.
I am not coping, and I know that.
I keep saying, "If I had inner peace, then I would cope."
But I know the Bible says that He is enough,
That Jesus is all we need.
That is easy to say,
But how can I say it,
When I can't see or hear Him doing anything to help?
Yet I'm sure He is helping, that He is carrying me,
But I just wish He would comfort me,
And let me see that He is comforting me.
It would help so much.
As I mentioned in previous posts, at this time I still adhered to the false assumption that God would not allow us to undergo such sufferings. See my previous entry, The Storms of Life. At this time, I also sought a miracle healing from depression. And although Jesus could have healed me instantly, I am so, so glad that He did not do so. Why?
The answer lies in the words I wrote above, “I just wish this sensation of being disturbed all the time would go away. And know it will never come back.”
If Jesus had healed my depression by a miracle, I would have learnt nothing from the ordeal, and would have slipped back into depression when the next major trial came along. If I had received a miracle healing, I would not have changed the faulty underlying thought processes that had contributed to my descent into depression in the first place. I am so thankful that the Lord taught me how to recover, and in doing so, taught me how to avoid succumbing to depression again.
Below is what I wrote just over a year after This is so Hard. Jesus had taken my despair and hopelessness and given me “a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3.
A Special Place 10/1/92
There is a special place I love to go,
A place where I meet with a Real Person,
A place in which I can never spend enough time,
A place I never want to come back from,
A place that builds me up, and makes me content.
A place in which I can meet with the most Wonderful Person,
Who waits for me to come, to enjoy my company and friendship?
It is a place to which I can bring all my fears and worries,
And have them taken away from me, and be comforted in them.
It is where I can bring all my delights and joys,
Where I can share all my thoughts, hopes, and desires.
It is a place of fellowship and companionship.
A place where I can find my true worth,
As I see myself reflected in eyes that truly love me.
Where is this place?
It is at the feet of my Lord Jesus, at the foot of His throne.
There is always a place for me there in heaven.
Jesus tells me that He always keeps it available for me,
That at any time, whether morning or night, dusk or dawn,
When I lay down to sleep, when I rise in the morning,
Whether at work or play, He keeps this place for me.
I can come and sit on my knees at the feet of my Lord.
He is seated upon His glorious throne, ruling all creation,
All of the heavenly hosts are gathered around Him,
I stare up at His Wonderful face,
A face that I have dreamt about seeing countless times,
To see His gentle, loving, glorious nature revealed there,
To see him smile at me, driving away all my inhibitions,
His smile eclipses the light of the sun and moon,
And fills my heart with such delight that I can barely contain it.
I look into His eyes, and my heart is moved beyond words.
And those eyes look at me, and He smiles through them.
I see eternity, compassion, love, and kindness.
I see myself reflected in His eyes, and then
I know how much I really mean to Him. He really loves me.
And I hear His voice, that voice which made all things,
Forming the fabric of the universe simply by speaking.
The voice which sustains all creation, holding all things together.
His voice is soothing and comforting, I can hide in it.
And He speaks to me, telling me that He appreciates me,
That He waits for me to come and be with Him, to love Him.
He builds me up, tells me I'm special, that I am His.
He says that nothing can ever snatch me from His hands.
And I delight in every word He speaks and has spoken.
Not one of His eternal words will ever pass away.
And as I sit at the feet of Jesus, I can feel His Presence.
Of all the pleasant sensations I've ever known,
None even begin to compare to His wondrous Presence.
As I worship and praise Him, He pours His Presence out on me.
His Presence satisfies me completely, making me content.
It is a comforting river, into which I can dive headlong,
To feel it swirling all around me, gratifying my thirst.
I could remain there forever, enjoying His company.
And it delights my heart to know that when I am finally with Him,
Sitting at His feet for all eternity, His Presence will never fade.
And while I sit at His feet, staring lovingly at Him,
He reaches out to me with comforting hands.
Comforting hands which have healed me of sickness,
Which hold me tightly, never letting go - they are my refuge.
His hands guide me along the paths of righteousness,
They are the book of life, and my name is written upon them.
He reaches out and gently picks me up, to place me on His lap.
As the Creator to one of His little creatures,
As a Father to his son, He embraces me.
I snuggle up against His strong chest, afraid of nothing.
I curl up in His lap and fall asleep.
And these hands, which formed the heavens and earth,
Are a shield around me. I am safe.
These are the reasons why I delight to visit this special place.
The place where I sit at the feet of my Lord.
Let us rejoice in our Lord, our Saviour, who indeed rescues us from the miry pit and gives us an eternal hope that does not fade.
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
All verses from the NIV.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
I wrote A Special Place in January 1992, while recovering from depression. This was after I had been shown the route to recovery, a time when hope had re-entered my life. I had already made significant leaps and bounds in my recovery, but was still afflicted by panic attacks, episodes of endless mental churning, extreme exhaustion, and so on.
This is so Hard 3rd July 1990
Sometimes, it seems that being a Christian hinders more than it helps.
My understanding of God was then when someone was going through a hard time,
He would strengthen them,
That He would help and heal them.
Yet, I find that for much of the time,
I try to forget about Him, because when I think of Him,
I see Someone who could heal me simply by speaking two words,
"Be healed."
I know what He can do, and I've seen what He can do.
I know it is in His character to heal all people of all sicknesses.
Yet, I am still here.
I keep going around in circles.
Why am I in such a mess? Jesus can heal me.
But regardless of how I've sought Him so far,
There's been nothing tangible,
So, I get angry and bitter.
And then I repent of my anger and bitterness,
And ask Him to help me to wait faithfully and patiently for Him.
It's just like when I suffered from insomnia.
He could have stepped in and stopped it, but He did not,
So I got angry - angry at Him, and angry at my body.
But I eventually learnt not to get angry,
So again here, step by step, I am learning to be patient,
But it is so hard, so hard.
I just want to get on with my life.
Will I ever be me again?
I just wish this sensation of being disturbed all the time would go away.
And know it will never come back.
I am not coping, and I know that.
I keep saying, "If I had inner peace, then I would cope."
But I know the Bible says that He is enough,
That Jesus is all we need.
That is easy to say,
But how can I say it,
When I can't see or hear Him doing anything to help?
Yet I'm sure He is helping, that He is carrying me,
But I just wish He would comfort me,
And let me see that He is comforting me.
It would help so much.
As I mentioned in previous posts, at this time I still adhered to the false assumption that God would not allow us to undergo such sufferings. See my previous entry, The Storms of Life. At this time, I also sought a miracle healing from depression. And although Jesus could have healed me instantly, I am so, so glad that He did not do so. Why?
The answer lies in the words I wrote above, “I just wish this sensation of being disturbed all the time would go away. And know it will never come back.”
If Jesus had healed my depression by a miracle, I would have learnt nothing from the ordeal, and would have slipped back into depression when the next major trial came along. If I had received a miracle healing, I would not have changed the faulty underlying thought processes that had contributed to my descent into depression in the first place. I am so thankful that the Lord taught me how to recover, and in doing so, taught me how to avoid succumbing to depression again.
Below is what I wrote just over a year after This is so Hard. Jesus had taken my despair and hopelessness and given me “a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah 61:3.
A Special Place 10/1/92
There is a special place I love to go,
A place where I meet with a Real Person,
A place in which I can never spend enough time,
A place I never want to come back from,
A place that builds me up, and makes me content.
A place in which I can meet with the most Wonderful Person,
Who waits for me to come, to enjoy my company and friendship?
It is a place to which I can bring all my fears and worries,
And have them taken away from me, and be comforted in them.
It is where I can bring all my delights and joys,
Where I can share all my thoughts, hopes, and desires.
It is a place of fellowship and companionship.
A place where I can find my true worth,
As I see myself reflected in eyes that truly love me.
Where is this place?
It is at the feet of my Lord Jesus, at the foot of His throne.
There is always a place for me there in heaven.
Jesus tells me that He always keeps it available for me,
That at any time, whether morning or night, dusk or dawn,
When I lay down to sleep, when I rise in the morning,
Whether at work or play, He keeps this place for me.
I can come and sit on my knees at the feet of my Lord.
He is seated upon His glorious throne, ruling all creation,
All of the heavenly hosts are gathered around Him,
I stare up at His Wonderful face,
A face that I have dreamt about seeing countless times,
To see His gentle, loving, glorious nature revealed there,
To see him smile at me, driving away all my inhibitions,
His smile eclipses the light of the sun and moon,
And fills my heart with such delight that I can barely contain it.
I look into His eyes, and my heart is moved beyond words.
And those eyes look at me, and He smiles through them.
I see eternity, compassion, love, and kindness.
I see myself reflected in His eyes, and then
I know how much I really mean to Him. He really loves me.
And I hear His voice, that voice which made all things,
Forming the fabric of the universe simply by speaking.
The voice which sustains all creation, holding all things together.
His voice is soothing and comforting, I can hide in it.
And He speaks to me, telling me that He appreciates me,
That He waits for me to come and be with Him, to love Him.
He builds me up, tells me I'm special, that I am His.
He says that nothing can ever snatch me from His hands.
And I delight in every word He speaks and has spoken.
Not one of His eternal words will ever pass away.
And as I sit at the feet of Jesus, I can feel His Presence.
Of all the pleasant sensations I've ever known,
None even begin to compare to His wondrous Presence.
As I worship and praise Him, He pours His Presence out on me.
His Presence satisfies me completely, making me content.
It is a comforting river, into which I can dive headlong,
To feel it swirling all around me, gratifying my thirst.
I could remain there forever, enjoying His company.
And it delights my heart to know that when I am finally with Him,
Sitting at His feet for all eternity, His Presence will never fade.
And while I sit at His feet, staring lovingly at Him,
He reaches out to me with comforting hands.
Comforting hands which have healed me of sickness,
Which hold me tightly, never letting go - they are my refuge.
His hands guide me along the paths of righteousness,
They are the book of life, and my name is written upon them.
He reaches out and gently picks me up, to place me on His lap.
As the Creator to one of His little creatures,
As a Father to his son, He embraces me.
I snuggle up against His strong chest, afraid of nothing.
I curl up in His lap and fall asleep.
And these hands, which formed the heavens and earth,
Are a shield around me. I am safe.
These are the reasons why I delight to visit this special place.
The place where I sit at the feet of my Lord.
Let us rejoice in our Lord, our Saviour, who indeed rescues us from the miry pit and gives us an eternal hope that does not fade.
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
All verses from the NIV.
Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Depression & Anger: Sherry's Testimony
Everyone who suffers from depression struggles with anger to some degree. It may be focused or unfocused, or be primarily directed at depression’s symptoms as well as towards our own mind and body for ruining our life by never ceasing to manufacture those symptoms month after month. Focused anger can be towards whatever or whoever caused the depression, towards God for allowing this thing to befall us, or even towards the enemy.
My sister in Christ, Sherry Castellucio, has kindly granted me permission to reprint here an article she wrote called, ‘Fighting Depression.’ She shares her testimony of her life long battle with depression and its accompanying anger.
FIGHTING DEPRESSION, by Sherry Castelluccio
The best way I’ve heard depression described is “anger turned inward”. It can be a real vicious anger, depending on the week. It’s a debilitating, mean-spirited, cruel monster with little regard for the rest of the world. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay at home mom or if you’re a teenager just trying to survive. You could be an old lady, living at home by yourself with all of your family away in other parts of the country, or you could be a widower who just lost the love of your life. It’s no respecter of persons and doesn’t care about age, race, or religion. If you are human, you are susceptible. If you’ve had it before you’re even more of a target.
Over the years, I’ve found the simplest way to fight it is just to accept it. Yes, I have depression but no, I’m not going to allow it to rule my life. The biggest help I’ve ever given myself was to figure out what parts of it I can control and what parts I need help with. I can’t control the fact that it’s genetic and sometimes appears, regardless of how hard I fight to contain it. After the birth of my child, it buried me. Suddenly I was enmeshed in things I had no control over and my body literally shut down like a computer hard drive. There was simply too much information to process.
I remember feeling so incredibly angry but had not the foggiest idea why. Surrounded by in-laws, an intrusive mother, and a newborn became too much to handle all at once. I had to learn how to function as a person and learn how to keep the voices at bay, and eventually disappear. I had to accept that for a while the only elixir was medication.
The parts I can control are a bit trickier. I know what I have to do to make this better, but I have to decide what I’m going to do about it. I have to choose within myself how I’m going to live today, being bitter and angry or choosing to come out of it, albeit ever so slowly. I have to know what makes me feel good and even if I have no desire to participate in those things, I know I must if I am to make it out alive and able to be the person my family needs me to be. It’s much easier to admit I can’t live this way when there are people at home that need me.
Still, there are those days when I would much rather curl myself up into the foetal position and sleep the day away, forgetting everything and everyone in my life. Shirking my responsibilities and ignoring my needs are tempting, but not realistic. It’s my responsibility to make this home run smoothly and raise my child the best way I know how. It’s impossible to be productive when I’m zonked out in bed.
The Lord has been so faithful in pulling me out. He never fails to reveal himself in those dark times when I feel so empty, so lifeless. He is there reminding me that if I just give a little bit, try just a tiny fraction, He’ll bless me for it. It is work but I give in to Him because I know that He is right. It isn’t worth it to indulge in myself because I get nothing out of it. Giving in to myself is the last great mistake.
What words of comfort can I give to someone who struggles as I do? Remember that the devil is a liar, you are loved and it is possible to go on today. Recognize your anger for what it is and do something constructive about it.
Are you bored at home? Pick up that hobby you put down. Are you lonely? Call that friend you haven’t spoken to in months. You will both be glad you did. Is your body physically sick? Go sit outside in the sun for a few minutes. Find the one thing that makes you smile and drink it up.
Surround yourself with children, rent a comedy, finger paint. You are here because God put you here with a purpose. Find out what it is, make it your ambition to find out what you can do to bless others. I have found that the fastest way to bust Satan in the teeth is to do something for someone else. It puts a stop to the feelings of sadness and makes you feel alive and full of purpose, all at the same time. Make yourself laugh. It’s the simplest, most inexpensive cure there is and the most readily available. It changes your whole outlook.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. (Psalm 139:14) Allow this truth to embrace you and accept you. You are His child and he loves you as if you were the only one on this earth.
I have suffered from depression my whole life but I refuse to allow it to consume me and to dictate how I will live. My master is my Saviour Jesus Christ. I submit to his laws, not the laws of depression. There are some days that I am happy simply because I am alive and loved. There are other days when I must decide that I’m going to be happy, regardless of what my body or mind is telling me. It’s those days, when I have to make the most effort to really choose to smile that I know God is with me. Those are the days when I know I’m winning.
Fighting depression is no easy thing. Half the battle is won when you can stand back and decide that your life is good, even if Satan is trying to convince you otherwise. And in the end, the joke’s on him. He can’t be happy because he can’t be in the presence of the Lord. Now that is a depressing thought.
© 2005 Sherry Castelluccio
Download an ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles
My sister in Christ, Sherry Castellucio, has kindly granted me permission to reprint here an article she wrote called, ‘Fighting Depression.’ She shares her testimony of her life long battle with depression and its accompanying anger.
FIGHTING DEPRESSION, by Sherry Castelluccio
The best way I’ve heard depression described is “anger turned inward”. It can be a real vicious anger, depending on the week. It’s a debilitating, mean-spirited, cruel monster with little regard for the rest of the world. It doesn’t matter if you’re a stay at home mom or if you’re a teenager just trying to survive. You could be an old lady, living at home by yourself with all of your family away in other parts of the country, or you could be a widower who just lost the love of your life. It’s no respecter of persons and doesn’t care about age, race, or religion. If you are human, you are susceptible. If you’ve had it before you’re even more of a target.
Over the years, I’ve found the simplest way to fight it is just to accept it. Yes, I have depression but no, I’m not going to allow it to rule my life. The biggest help I’ve ever given myself was to figure out what parts of it I can control and what parts I need help with. I can’t control the fact that it’s genetic and sometimes appears, regardless of how hard I fight to contain it. After the birth of my child, it buried me. Suddenly I was enmeshed in things I had no control over and my body literally shut down like a computer hard drive. There was simply too much information to process.
I remember feeling so incredibly angry but had not the foggiest idea why. Surrounded by in-laws, an intrusive mother, and a newborn became too much to handle all at once. I had to learn how to function as a person and learn how to keep the voices at bay, and eventually disappear. I had to accept that for a while the only elixir was medication.
The parts I can control are a bit trickier. I know what I have to do to make this better, but I have to decide what I’m going to do about it. I have to choose within myself how I’m going to live today, being bitter and angry or choosing to come out of it, albeit ever so slowly. I have to know what makes me feel good and even if I have no desire to participate in those things, I know I must if I am to make it out alive and able to be the person my family needs me to be. It’s much easier to admit I can’t live this way when there are people at home that need me.
Still, there are those days when I would much rather curl myself up into the foetal position and sleep the day away, forgetting everything and everyone in my life. Shirking my responsibilities and ignoring my needs are tempting, but not realistic. It’s my responsibility to make this home run smoothly and raise my child the best way I know how. It’s impossible to be productive when I’m zonked out in bed.
The Lord has been so faithful in pulling me out. He never fails to reveal himself in those dark times when I feel so empty, so lifeless. He is there reminding me that if I just give a little bit, try just a tiny fraction, He’ll bless me for it. It is work but I give in to Him because I know that He is right. It isn’t worth it to indulge in myself because I get nothing out of it. Giving in to myself is the last great mistake.
What words of comfort can I give to someone who struggles as I do? Remember that the devil is a liar, you are loved and it is possible to go on today. Recognize your anger for what it is and do something constructive about it.
Are you bored at home? Pick up that hobby you put down. Are you lonely? Call that friend you haven’t spoken to in months. You will both be glad you did. Is your body physically sick? Go sit outside in the sun for a few minutes. Find the one thing that makes you smile and drink it up.
Surround yourself with children, rent a comedy, finger paint. You are here because God put you here with a purpose. Find out what it is, make it your ambition to find out what you can do to bless others. I have found that the fastest way to bust Satan in the teeth is to do something for someone else. It puts a stop to the feelings of sadness and makes you feel alive and full of purpose, all at the same time. Make yourself laugh. It’s the simplest, most inexpensive cure there is and the most readily available. It changes your whole outlook.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. (Psalm 139:14) Allow this truth to embrace you and accept you. You are His child and he loves you as if you were the only one on this earth.
I have suffered from depression my whole life but I refuse to allow it to consume me and to dictate how I will live. My master is my Saviour Jesus Christ. I submit to his laws, not the laws of depression. There are some days that I am happy simply because I am alive and loved. There are other days when I must decide that I’m going to be happy, regardless of what my body or mind is telling me. It’s those days, when I have to make the most effort to really choose to smile that I know God is with me. Those are the days when I know I’m winning.
Fighting depression is no easy thing. Half the battle is won when you can stand back and decide that your life is good, even if Satan is trying to convince you otherwise. And in the end, the joke’s on him. He can’t be happy because he can’t be in the presence of the Lord. Now that is a depressing thought.
© 2005 Sherry Castelluccio
Download an ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Breaking Depression's Fear Cycle
In my previous article I discussed how depression causes what Doctor Weekes calls a ‘fear-adrenalin-fear cycle,’ where the fear, flight or fight reaction to depression causes more adrenalin to flow. This adrenalin is what causes depression’s symptoms. In addition, the more we fear, flee or fight, the worse we become, as the additional adrenalin produced prolongs symptoms and produces new, even more alarming ones.
I mentioned how the first step in stopping the cycle is to recognize that it is this cycle that causes the disturbing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual sensations.
In this article, I outline a system that can begin to slow and eventually stop the flow of fear related adrenalin. Although the system is simple and presented quite clearly in God’s word, it is so ‘unnatural’ that it does not occur to us if lost in a state of anxiety. (The natural reaction to depression is to fear, flee or fight the symptoms.)
Prior to putting into practice the technique that stops the cycle, Dr Weekes explains the importance of facing and examining the symptoms that are troubling us. She writes, 'I have no doubt that you are tensely shrinking from the feelings within you and yet, are ready to “listen in” in apprehension?...Now examine and do not shrink from the sensations that have been upsetting you. I want you to examine each carefully, to analyse and describe it to yourself...Do not tensely flinch from it. Go with it. Relax and analyse it…Now that you have faced and examined it, is it so terrible?' (1) That is, although the symptoms feel unbearable, we can put up with them.
How to Break the Fear, Flight, and Fight Cycle:
1. Accept each of depression’s symptoms as being part of our life, instead of fearing, fighting or fleeing them
2. Learn to live with the symptoms as part of our life, as if they were background music
3. Let time pass while trusting that God is in control (2)
Our first reaction to these steps could be, “But I don’t WANT to learn to live with these disturbing sensations - I want them to go away!”
And there lies the irony of it all. It is only when we accept those sensations, learn to live with them, and let time pass, that the flow of adrenalin begins to diminish. And as the flow of adrenalin diminishes, the symptoms lose their intensity, shorten in duration, and slowly begin to disappear. Accepting them instead of fearing or fighting them is the way to make them go away.
The Bible has many scriptures that illustrate this technique.
Verses for Acceptance:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Verse for Learning to Live with the Symptoms:
Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’
Verses for Letting Time Pass while Trusting that God is in Control:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:25,27
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.
Speaking for myself, I knew the Bible verses that told me not to fear, that I should be content, and that I should rejoice in the midst of my sufferings, yet trying to put them into practice through sheer will power alone did not work. However, once I understood that by putting those verses into practice I would break the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle, those verses suddenly came alive to me.
Letting Time Pass
Less me stress that breaking the flow of adrenalin does not happen overnight. However, my life is a testimony to the fact that it does happen. Dr Claire Weekes says, “Accept it [the symptom] as something that will be with you for some time yet – in fact while you recover – but something that will eventually leave you if you are prepared to let time pass and not anxiously watch the churning during its passing. But do not make the mistake of thinking that it will go as soon as you cease to fear it. Your nervous system is still tired and will take time to heal, just as a broken leg takes time.” (3)
It is important that we keep ourselves busy as we let time pass while waiting to heal. We should go out of our way to find constructive activities that interest us and get lost in them. Physical exercise, such as swimming, aerobics, circuit, walking or jogging, can also be of great help.
Within a month of my reading “Self Help for Your Nerves,” a significant number of my symptoms, especially the physical ones, had diminished or ceased altogether. Over the next six months, I joined a new church, became a musician in a home group, started teaching Sunday School, and engaged in normal social activities again. Some of the symptoms took longer to fade away, but by reacting to them in the correct way, they no longer had the same power or intensity – I no longer feared them. Some symptoms, especially those that required I retrain my thought processes, lasted longer, but in time, they too faded away.
While in the midst of depression, we think we have no future and no hope. But in Christ, we always have hope and a future. 1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
Hope enters our lives again when we know that it is only a matter of time (whether weeks or months, or in the case of some symptoms, years) for our nervous system to recover from this cycle. When I read “Self Help for your Nerves,” hope flooded through me, as you can see from this diary entry:
28th July 1990 -
This book has taught me how to react so that the merry go round will be stopped. And it’s teaching me how to react whenever it strikes again in the future.
The Importance of Surrender
To recover from depression we need to surrender every aspect of our life, including our desires and will, to Jesus. Romans 8:28 assures us that God is trustworthy. ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’
At the end of World War Two, the Allies demanded that Germany surrender to them unconditionally. That meant the Allies set all of the terms of the surrender and that Germany could not make any demands of its own. We sing, “All to Jesus, I surrender,” but do we really surrender everything? (I am pointing a finger at myself here too!) For when suffering comes along, instead of surrendering all of our will to Him, we typically react by fearing, fleeing or fighting - because we do not want to be where we are. Yet, by reacting like this, we make the suffering worse as this causes more adrenalin to flow.
When we accept what we are going instead of fearing, fleeing or fighting it, when we learn to live with it, and let time pass, we can find rest again. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.
(1) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p21.
(2) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p19. Note, Dr Weekes includes 'floating' as a step in the treatment technique, whereas I wrote 'learn to live with it.' In my case I found the 'floating' concept hard to grasp, but easily related to that step (or my interpretation of it) when I thought of it as 'learning to live with it.'
(3) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p22.
All verses from NIV.
I mentioned how the first step in stopping the cycle is to recognize that it is this cycle that causes the disturbing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual sensations.
In this article, I outline a system that can begin to slow and eventually stop the flow of fear related adrenalin. Although the system is simple and presented quite clearly in God’s word, it is so ‘unnatural’ that it does not occur to us if lost in a state of anxiety. (The natural reaction to depression is to fear, flee or fight the symptoms.)
Prior to putting into practice the technique that stops the cycle, Dr Weekes explains the importance of facing and examining the symptoms that are troubling us. She writes, 'I have no doubt that you are tensely shrinking from the feelings within you and yet, are ready to “listen in” in apprehension?...Now examine and do not shrink from the sensations that have been upsetting you. I want you to examine each carefully, to analyse and describe it to yourself...Do not tensely flinch from it. Go with it. Relax and analyse it…Now that you have faced and examined it, is it so terrible?' (1) That is, although the symptoms feel unbearable, we can put up with them.
How to Break the Fear, Flight, and Fight Cycle:
1. Accept each of depression’s symptoms as being part of our life, instead of fearing, fighting or fleeing them
2. Learn to live with the symptoms as part of our life, as if they were background music
3. Let time pass while trusting that God is in control (2)
Our first reaction to these steps could be, “But I don’t WANT to learn to live with these disturbing sensations - I want them to go away!”
And there lies the irony of it all. It is only when we accept those sensations, learn to live with them, and let time pass, that the flow of adrenalin begins to diminish. And as the flow of adrenalin diminishes, the symptoms lose their intensity, shorten in duration, and slowly begin to disappear. Accepting them instead of fearing or fighting them is the way to make them go away.
The Bible has many scriptures that illustrate this technique.
Verses for Acceptance:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Verse for Learning to Live with the Symptoms:
Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’
Verses for Letting Time Pass while Trusting that God is in Control:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:25,27
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5.
Speaking for myself, I knew the Bible verses that told me not to fear, that I should be content, and that I should rejoice in the midst of my sufferings, yet trying to put them into practice through sheer will power alone did not work. However, once I understood that by putting those verses into practice I would break the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle, those verses suddenly came alive to me.
Letting Time Pass
Less me stress that breaking the flow of adrenalin does not happen overnight. However, my life is a testimony to the fact that it does happen. Dr Claire Weekes says, “Accept it [the symptom] as something that will be with you for some time yet – in fact while you recover – but something that will eventually leave you if you are prepared to let time pass and not anxiously watch the churning during its passing. But do not make the mistake of thinking that it will go as soon as you cease to fear it. Your nervous system is still tired and will take time to heal, just as a broken leg takes time.” (3)
It is important that we keep ourselves busy as we let time pass while waiting to heal. We should go out of our way to find constructive activities that interest us and get lost in them. Physical exercise, such as swimming, aerobics, circuit, walking or jogging, can also be of great help.
Within a month of my reading “Self Help for Your Nerves,” a significant number of my symptoms, especially the physical ones, had diminished or ceased altogether. Over the next six months, I joined a new church, became a musician in a home group, started teaching Sunday School, and engaged in normal social activities again. Some of the symptoms took longer to fade away, but by reacting to them in the correct way, they no longer had the same power or intensity – I no longer feared them. Some symptoms, especially those that required I retrain my thought processes, lasted longer, but in time, they too faded away.
While in the midst of depression, we think we have no future and no hope. But in Christ, we always have hope and a future. 1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
Hope enters our lives again when we know that it is only a matter of time (whether weeks or months, or in the case of some symptoms, years) for our nervous system to recover from this cycle. When I read “Self Help for your Nerves,” hope flooded through me, as you can see from this diary entry:
28th July 1990 -
This book has taught me how to react so that the merry go round will be stopped. And it’s teaching me how to react whenever it strikes again in the future.
The Importance of Surrender
To recover from depression we need to surrender every aspect of our life, including our desires and will, to Jesus. Romans 8:28 assures us that God is trustworthy. ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’
At the end of World War Two, the Allies demanded that Germany surrender to them unconditionally. That meant the Allies set all of the terms of the surrender and that Germany could not make any demands of its own. We sing, “All to Jesus, I surrender,” but do we really surrender everything? (I am pointing a finger at myself here too!) For when suffering comes along, instead of surrendering all of our will to Him, we typically react by fearing, fleeing or fighting - because we do not want to be where we are. Yet, by reacting like this, we make the suffering worse as this causes more adrenalin to flow.
When we accept what we are going instead of fearing, fleeing or fighting it, when we learn to live with it, and let time pass, we can find rest again. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28.
(1) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p21.
(2) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p19. Note, Dr Weekes includes 'floating' as a step in the treatment technique, whereas I wrote 'learn to live with it.' In my case I found the 'floating' concept hard to grasp, but easily related to that step (or my interpretation of it) when I thought of it as 'learning to live with it.'
(3) ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ Doctor Claire Weekes, Angus & Robertston Publishers, 1989, p22.
All verses from NIV.
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