On Top of the Mountain

It is autumn in Australia now, yet by some fluke of nature, the weather on Easter Monday was simply beautiful. So much so that after we had eaten lunch, my wife Shoko suggested we take a drive to Sky High in the Mount Dandenong’s. Sky High, a tourist attraction, is advertised as having something for the whole family including an exquisite English garden, an adventurous maze, trail walks in the Dandenong Ranges National Park, and simply amazing views.

With there being few daylight hours left, I raced upstairs, accessed Google Maps, typed in Sky High’s address and selected ‘Get Directions.’ Google Maps popped out detailed instructions on how to proceed from our house to Sky High. I printed the instructions and after grabbing snacks and drinks, we piled into the car and were on our way.

Here is the final section of Google Maps’ instructions:

14. Turn left at Old Coach Rd 0.2 km
15. Turn right to stay on Old Coach Rd 0.3 km
16. Sharp left to stay on Old Coach Rd 0.5 km
17. Turn left to stay on Old Coach Rd 1.0 km
18. Sharp right to stay on Old Coach Rd 0.3 km
19. Sharp right at Ridge Rd 1.7 km
20. Sharp right at Observatory Rd 0.6 km

Estimated driving time was one hour and eleven minutes.

That seemed pretty straight forward, but to my surprise, upon reaching Old Coach Road we found a relatively steep, winding, unsealed road littered with loose sand and stones. Steep slopes adorned one side of the road and a sharp decline was on the other, both covered with trees. May I point out here that I do not like driving on unsealed roads - especially steep winding ones?

Neither does Hannah, my eleven year old, who said, “I don’t feel well, Papa.” Winding mountain roads make her nauseous.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be off this road soon,” I reassured her.

I did not mention that I felt ill at ease myself. Although driving slowly, thoughts that the car might slide towards that sharp drop were foremost in my mind. I asked the Lord to help me drive and keep us safe, and then focused on the task of driving, taking it moment by moment, mindful that it would be over soon.

Thinking this unsealed road to be the only route to Sky High, and aware that only one other car was following us, I concluded that Sky High must not be a popular attraction, and would probably be virtually deserted. Yet as we turned onto Ridge Road, the last leg of the journey to Observatory Road and Sky High, we were surprised to find a sealed road clogged with other cars. I began to suspect that there might be another route to Sky High.

Arriving at Sky High’s entrance a moment later, a crushing wave of vertigo obliterated my balance and I collapsed over the top of the steering wheel.

I have otosclerosis, a genetically inherited disease that causes calcification of the bones of the middle ear. Although this causes hearing loss and terrible tinnitus, I am one of the lucky 25% who has the complication of otosclerotic inner ear syndrome. This means that from time to time, especially when I eat, I experience moments of severe rotatory vertigo.

I clung to the steering wheel like a drowning man to a life preserver, waiting for the dizziness to abate, as it always does. To my consternation, although the sensation faded enough for me to be able to sit up again, it did not go away like in the past. Instead, I was still giddy and my head felt like it was deep under water. I paid the entry fee to gain entrance to Sky High and then drove carefully to a car park.

When we clambered out of the car I was surprised to see hundreds of other people present. That settled it - there must be another, easier way to this mountain top other than the route we used!

My kids needed the toilet, so we headed off towards the toilet block. I was finding it difficult to stand yet alone walk, since my balance was so out of whack. I saw an elderly man lying on his side on the grass, being soothed by his wife. That was exactly what I wanted to do.

My daughter suddenly began to cry. I was touched, and thought, ‘Oh, what a lovely girl, she’s sad because of the hard time I’m having.’ “What’s the matter, Hannah?” I asked, preparing to reassure her that I was basically all right.

“I don’t like mountain roads, they make me nauseous!” was her reply.

My ego came crashing back to earth – seems like I was not the centre of the world after all. “Don’t worry, Hannah, with this many people here, there’s got to be a better way off this mountain, and I’m going to find it!” If driving up that unsealed road was that nerve racking, I had no intention of driving down it if there was another way!

I felt pretty awful as we went off to explore the mountain top; the dizziness and oppressive weight upon my mind remained constant. But why? Was the altitude causing this otosclerotic inner ear syndrome? Or was the disease swinging into the next phase. Fearful thoughts tried to trip me up, saying, “What if it doesn’t stop, what if it’s permanent like the tinnitus?”

I did not pay heed to the “what if” fears. Jesus said, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” And that’s what I was going to do. And although these terrible physical sensations made me want to lie down until they (hopefully) went away, my experiences with depression had taught me that there was another way. And that was to acknowledge that I was going to feel this way for some time, and did not need to let it incapacitate me. Instead, I would enjoy being on top of this mountain with my family while leaving the disturbing sensations churning away like background music.

We had a great time exploring Sky High Maze. When we went the right way we found large metal stamping boxes upon which to stamp the cards we had been given. We had to collect four stamps. My daughter, Miss Show-off, said, “Look, we don’t have to find our way through the maze, just listen to the sounds of the other stamp boxes and follow the sounds!” Suddenly navigating the maze was easy.

After that we took turns knocking down cup pyramids, wandered through the English Garden, and into the Secret Garden. This was surrounded by tall hedges and contained a gazebo. Hannah sat us on the grass and led the family to pray for my ears. I was so proud of her. After having our snack, Hannah and Timmy raced around the garden like headless chickens.

Next came a six-hundred-meter bushwalk that meandered through a forest loop.

Finally it was time to go home. An examination of the Melways map book confirmed that there was another route to and from Sky High – using a four lane, sealed road! Guess which route we used to get off the mountain? We learned then that you cannot trust Google maps - they give you the shortest route from A to B, but not the best route.

And to my amazement, as we began to drive back down the mountain (using that lovely sealed road!) the dizziness vanished as quickly as it had come. My balance returned, my head cleared, and I drove home very much relieved. Thanks to Jesus for helping me overcome my handicap, we had a wonderful time on top of the mountain, and praised God for His blessings.

1 John 5:3-5 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

All verses from NIV.

Not My Children

My son’s start to life was not an easy one. Born by emergency caesarean section at 1.00am, Timmy could barely breathe due to fluid filling his lungs. He spent the first sixteen hours of his life puffing and grunting as he laboured to take each breath. By the grace of God, the fluid drained naturally from his lungs and he was finally united with his very relieved parents sixteen hours later.

For the next two years, Timmy was plagued by an endless parade of colds and viruses. Every third week he seemed to contract another one.

The last straw came not long after he turned two. A vicious viral infection spread into his sinuses and then infected both of his ears. I remember despairing as I held his gaunt, feverish and sickly body in my arms as he whimpered in pain. He had not eaten for two days.

That night I turned to the Lord in frustration, “It's one thing for me to suffer - I’m a reasoning adult and I can handle it. But Lord, please, not my children! Please, spare them such sufferings!” As Timmy’s sickness raged on, my inner peace was driven away as I allowed anguish, anxiety and grief to invade my inner person.

As hard as it is to endure severe suffering ourselves, to helplessly sit by and watch a loved one be stricken by such hardships is agonisingly painful, very much like being hit by a double-barrelled shotgun. Not only is our family member suffering, but we suffer alongside them as we let the weight of their troubles pull us down too.

Yet as I waited upon the Lord in prayer that night, He reminded me of what I had learnt through my own sufferings.

I had been assailed by deafness, epilepsy, and an agonising injury, but I came to realise that in spite of all these things, Jesus was still Lord and remained in control of my life, which He held safely within His hands. He was trustworthy and I had nothing to fear.

At that moment I realised that I needed to trust Jesus in and through the sufferings of the members of my family too, just as I had learnt to trust Him in and through my own. So instead of longing desperately for my son’s suffering to end, I surrendered this burden to Jesus and recognised that He was in control of my son’s life too. Of course I continued to pray for his recovery, but now did so with faith, rather than with impatient desperation.

The Bible tells us to ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’ (1 Peter 5:7) When I realised that I did not need to carry the burden of my son’s troubles, but could give them to Jesus to carry for me, peace returned to my heart.

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Surrendering this burden to the Lord did not end Timmy’s sickness right there and then, but it made all the difference in how I reacted to it. I reacted now by accepting he was ill, (Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation,’) I was willing to live with his suffering rather than fighting or fearing it (John 14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me,”) and I was willing to persevere and let time pass (James 1:2-4 ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’)

My son did recover soon thereafter, and his health slowly improved over time. Now he is four, and I can barely keep up with him!

Of course, the sufferings that I have examined in this post pale in significance with what many have gone through, with crippling, life-threatening, or terminal illnesses threatening their family members. Yet through this I re-learnt one of God’s eternal truths - Jesus is Lord of all things and completely trustworthy. ‘I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True.’ Revelation 19:11.

Seeing me rejoicing in Christ and clinging resolutely to Him despite my flagging health, my wife once said to me, “You have a special gift of faith.” Hearing this greatly encouraged me, yet I do not think my faith is any different from the faith God gives to all believers in Christ. Rather, back when I was in the worst phase of clinical depression, when hope, joy, and life itself seemed to have been torn from me, I considered the alternative to trusting in Christ. If Jesus was not trustworthy, I was faced with an empty life devoid of any meaning that teetered on the edge of a precipice overlooking a yearning black hole of sheer and utter terror.

That was an alternative I refused to embrace. I concluded back then, when my life reached rock bottom, that Jesus was more than trustworthy, He was (and is!) completely trustworthy. There is no yearning black hole of sheer terror. There is Jesus, our rock, our refuge, our unshakeable foundation. And He is the reason for my faith.

Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” John 6:68

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles

All verses from NIV.

Tribute to Marysville

It is world news that Victoria, Australia, has been ravaged by bushfires since Saturday 7th of February, a day which Victoria saw record temperatures. Country towns have been destroyed, thousands of hectares of bush lands burnt down, and close to two hundred lives lost. To add insult to injury, it is believed that some or many of these fires were lit deliberately.

One of the most beautiful tourist attractions in Victoria was a small town with a population of about 500, nestled in the foothills of the mountains. Marysville abounded with native Australian animals such as parrots, kookaburras and wallabies, as well as dozens of wild which ducks lived in the town’s small lake and Steavenson River.

On Saturday 7 February 2009, Marysville was devastated by bushfires. They say only one building is left standing in the town itself. Most of the residents were evacuated safely to the local sports ground, Gallipoli Park. It is not yet known how many were not so fortunate.

In last September, only four months ago, my family vacationed in Marysville, staying in a house that over looked that very same sports ground. We even played tennis there. My wife, two children, and I considered it one of the most idealic and relaxing holidays we have had. We fed the wild ducks every day, went on bush walks, and visited Steavenson Falls.

I took a number of photos of Marysville when there, and in fact, the title photo of this blog is a photo we took of Steavenson Falls. To think that this beautiful place has been devastated is heartbreaking. If you have a moment, please lift a prayer for the people who have lost their loved ones and homes due to these bushfires.

Here is a link to a news article on The Australian website.
http://media.theaustralian.com.au/multimedia/2009/02/08-ferguson/index.html


While in Marysville, my family and I witnessed a scene so moving, that when I returned home and was waiting upon the Lord, He showed me something that motivated me to pen it into a devotional, which I placed on the net back in September. As a tribute to Marysville, I share that devotional again below.


When My Gaze Strays

Startled by my footsteps, the wild duck and her ten ducklings fled down the grassy bank to dive into the gurgling stream fed by the Steavenson River in Marysville. Within their element, they ceased their flight and took care not to stray far from the stream’s bank, where the water was shallow and the current slow.

Yet two of the tiny ducklings strayed from their mother and ventured towards the centre of the stream. My heart leapt to my throat in dismay as the stronger current tore them from their family and propelled them ruthlessly downstream. Watching over the remaining eight ducklings, the mother seemed oblivious to the hapless pairs’ fate. I stood there, aghast, afflicted by feelings of despair and helplessness as the current continued to sweep the ducklings away. Their valiant attempt to paddle upstream back to their mother was futile.

Is this how little ones such as these are lost? Divorced from their parent’s comforting protection, forcibly separated from the loving fellowship of their siblings? Soon they would perish, all alone, in a world suddenly devoid of love.

Memories long buried bobbed to the surface of the waters of my mind. Nineteen years ago, I had been in that very same predicament. Doubt, fear and terror raged unchecked through me, sweeping me far from the knowledge of God’s soothing presence. Anxiety and endless panic attacks became a torrential river from which there was no escape. I fought it with all my strength, but like those ducklings, I lacked the power to swim upstream back to the comforting arms of Jesus. My world turned black—despair became my constant companion.

Drawn back to the present by sudden movement, I was surprised to see the mother duck leave behind the other eight ducklings as she launched herself into the fast flowing stream. Paddling furiously towards her errant youngsters, she soon caught up with them. With practised care she guided them away from the middle of the stream and into a small dam formed by rocks and a fallen branch. Safe now, the two ducklings snuggled against her—relieved that she had seen their plight and rescued them.

Casting my mind back, I recalled how Jesus had also come after me when I had been swept into that desolate, black place of depression and hopelessness. “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” He assured me through His Word in Joshua 1:5. With loving patience, His Word, and practical advice through a book that He dropped onto my lap, ‘Self Help for Your Nerves’ by Dr. Claire Weekes, He lead me down the road to recovery, and soon restored me to the knowledge of His presence.

Returning to the present, I saw that the scene before me had not run its full course. What of the eight ducklings left behind by their mother as she raced off to rescue the lost pair? Imagine then, my surprise to see those eight youngsters—their eyes fixed firmly upon their mother, race into the midst of the stream and follow her into the safety of the small dam. Now mother and ten ducklings were reunited.

Right there was the answer, God’s blueprint to avoid being swept away by life’s troubles and storms. I had made the same mistake as Peter when he stepped out of the boat to walk on water to reach Jesus. Like him I took my eyes off the Lord and cast my gaze upon surrounding troubles, doubts and fears. Like Peter I sank. How eloquently those ducklings illustrated Hebrews 12:2, ‘Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.’ Had I done that, and clung to His words in John 14:1, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me,” I could have been spared such anguish!

Yet all the same, my heart is comforted by the knowledge that when my gaze strays from Him and I am swept away by life’s troubles, that He will come after me and restore me to Himself. He will never leave nor forsake me.

(All verses from NIV)

A photo of the wild ducks who inspired the devotional.

Depression - Empowered by a Lack of Knowledge

They tell us that “ignorance is bliss, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

Yet with depression, nothing could be further from the truth, as confirmed by Hosea 4:6. “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” It is ignorance of clinical depression and the way it operates that gives it so much power.

Please note that ‘clinical depression’ is also known as major depressive disorder, organic depression, or simply as depression. Symptoms may include loss of interest in life, overwhelming sadness, obsessive fearful thoughts, fear that this bleak, distressing phase will never end, having no hope for the future, and having disturbing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual symptoms.

If I had known back in the late 1980s what I know now, I would not have fallen victim to an endless cycle of debilitating anxiety attacks nor slipped into a suffocating depression that destroyed my life for eight long months. If I had a dollar for every time I wished I could take my current knowledge back to 1989 and live my life again from that point, I would be rich.

Many positive steps have been taken in recent years to educate our society to the dangers of depression. Radio, television, newspaper and internet adverts warn of depression and encourage sufferers to seek professional help. Nevertheless, I suspect few people in our society can truly relate to what an individual suffering from depression is going through, and even fewer know practical steps that can prevent or overcome it.

Although I had attended thirteen years of school, teacher’s college (with child psychology), and Bible College (with a counselling component), none of the courses taught me specific details about depression or provided a practical guide to overcoming it.

Hence, when I finally slipped headlong into depression at the end of 1989, I had no idea what was wrong with me. As the days turned to weeks and then to months, the fear that this ‘thing’ that had overcome me would never lessen or end crippled me.

I spent hours recording my woes and symptoms in my diary in a futile attempt to work out what was going on. Here is an early entry:

31st Jan ’90 – I feel like the Melbourne weather. I regularly get extremely angry, very angry, even with God. And then, half an hour later, I want to cry, in despair and loneliness…I feel extremely sad for some reason. I even feel extreme momentary excitement every now and then. What has happened to me?

And three months later:

12th April ’90 –
What is this storm that rages within me?
Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
And it won’t go away. It’s nearly four months now.
Four months of doing nothing, just hiding and hiding and waiting

Here is something I wrote in July ‘90, which aptly summarises the abject bewilderment I was experiencing.

A Difficult Road
How should I view my current condition?
This constant state of being ill at ease.
Is it an emotional condition causing physical stress?
Or a physical condition causing emotional stress?
I cannot work it out.
There are so many physical side effects that it could be physical.
Sometimes my shoulder muscles ache to abandon,
The aching pain in my jaw drives me crazy.
My face and arms get a burning, prickling sensation.
My stomach feels trapped, as though it needs to burst,
Or simply feels disturbed.
My chest feels like its going to explode,
And like my stomach, often feels ill at ease.
I’ve also suffered from flu symptoms since April.
These physical problems alone would be enough to cause emotional stress.

And as there are physical problems, so there are emotional ones.
I feel uncomfortable all the time, most notably while at work.
Frustration, irritation, anger and uncontrollable depression are ever present.
Words are inadequate to explain the emotional effects that afflict me.
They vary from a feeling that something big and dark will consume me,
To endless mental churnings that only makes me worse,
To those times where it is so faint that I can only just detect it.
These emotional problems alone would be enough to cause physical stress.

I wish I had a word to describe this ‘illness’ that assails me,
Is it ‘depression?’ I really don’t know.


This uncertainty drove me to the point of despair. On June 14th June ’90 I wrote:

What is suffering?
It must be the human inheritance,
It never ends.
It just goes on and on and on.
And I’ve had enough, but whom do I tell?
How do I get off this merry-go-round?

Eventually, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but it was not explained to me in sufficient detail. What a relief it would have been had I known that all of the symptoms mentioned above in ‘A Difficult Road’ above were caused by depression. There were other symptoms as well, such as racing heart, missed heartbeats, palpitating heartbeat, obsessive thoughts, loss of interest in live, extreme anxiety, panic attacks – all caused by depression.

When I finally learned that depression’s fear-flight cycle caused all these physical and emotional problems, and that by changing my thought processes they would cease, I felt so liberated. (More on this in a later article.) In John 8:32 Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." As Christians, we also receive help from God’s Holy Spirit. John 16:13 “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

Here is an example of how truth and knowledge can set us free from fear. When my son was born, he was placed in a humidicrib because he could barely breathe. The nightshift nurses (he was born at 1.30am) gave me such scant information regarding his ailment that I was greatly distressed. The following morning, however, another nurse explained to me that my son’s lungs had filled with fluid during the caesarean operation, a normal occurrence, and that his lungs would drain naturally, within three days. My fears abated and relief flooded through me, and sure enough, fifteen hours later his lungs had cleared and he was united with my wife and me.

It is my heart felt desire that all may know not only depression’s symptoms so that they can recognise it in themselves or others, but also know how to recover from it. Satan uses our lack of knowledge to attack us. Recall the warning Peter gave us in 1 Peter 5:8 ‘Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.’ Take special note that Peter says he prowls around like a roaring lion. Satan excels at deceit and deception.

When I learned in late July 1990 a much more detailed description of what was wrong with me, how I came to be in such a state, and how to recover, I no longer considered myself a freak. Instead, I was comforted by the knowledge that I was suffering from a common affliction. Knowledge replaced ignorance, understanding chased away despair, and hope returned.

The same Holy Spirit who anointed Jesus lives in us! Isaiah 11:2-4 ‘the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD.’

Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles

(All verses from NIV)

They Could Have Been the Worst Four Years of My Life

The years of 2003 to 2006 could have been the worst four years of my life. My health was literally disintegrating before my eyes.

Although I had been gradually going deaf since my late teens, in 2004, my thirty-eighth year, I lost all hearing in my left ear. This crippled me. I had to leave the church band, could not engage in social dialogue, stopped listening to music (one of my greatest pastimes), could not hear the television, and almost drove my family crazy asking them to constantly repeat themselves. Otosclerosis, an inherited disease that causes the calcification of the bones of the middle ear, was the cause of this ailment. Yet of equal concern to me was the accompanying tinnitus. Although both ears suffered from it, my deaf ear produced a cacophony of continuous, ‘deafening’ sounds, including roaring, thundering, grating, and an extremely deep humming that was extremely unsettling.

Not long before losing my hearing in one ear, I was diagnosed as suffering from complex partial epilepsy, confirmed by undergoing MRI and EEG scans. Prior to this, I had never heard of this condition, thinking the partial-seizures to be a symptom of depression. At this time I ceased taking anti-depressants and took anti-seizure medication, which had (and still has) quite horrid side effects. I lost interest in almost all of my hobbies, entered a continual state of exhaustion, and both short term and long term memory deteriorated significantly.

During these years a recurring injury received from my childhood worsened to the point that I was frequently afflicted by agonising, throbbing pain for ten hours a day, for up to three months at a time. (An operation in 2006 healed this injury.)

It was a Sunday morning in November 2004, when I had come down with the flu for the sixth time in a row, (which may have had something to do with burning the candle at both ends recently…) that I reached a crossroads. With the deafness, epilepsy, injury and apparent inability to return to any semblance of health, I felt the crushing weight of despair threatening to descend upon me. This was the last straw.

I had a choice. My life appeared to be in a state of utter disarray. I could succumb to despair and slip into the miry pit of depression, or I could turn to Jesus and rely upon His strength in my weakness, as He said to Paul in 2 Cor 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I chose the second option. While I drove down Canterbury Road that November summer morning, I waited upon Jesus and recalled something I had heard in a sermon. My life was like riding in a bus, and the bus driver was Jesus. I was comforted by the fact that the bus driver always knew the destination and how to get there. This was my situation in a nutshell. Although my life appeared to be a complete mess and out of control, this was not the truth. The truth was that Jesus was in control of my life. I had nothing to fear. Jesus said in John 10:27-28, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

So rather than let these burdensome troubles drive me to depression, I surrendered them to Jesus and placed my trust in Him. The pressures faded away and hope, joy, and peace prevailed.

May I ask you, the reader, a question here?

Considering the breadth of my troubles at this time, does it seem too easy?

I know the Bible says in James 1:2 to ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,’ but trust me, although I reach this place eventually, this is not my initial reaction to trials!

Perhaps you are wondering why it did not take me days, weeks or months to learn to cope with these trials. How could I, after going through so much, ‘seem’ to shrug off their debilitating affects and yet live a normal life?

The only reason these afflictions did not drag me headlong into depression’s merciless grip was because I had already been down that road, back in 1990. It began with an eight-month period of living hell which included an endless cycle of debilitating anxiety attacks, chronic insomnia, crippling feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, utter despair at what was happening to me, and much more. As the days turned to weeks and then to months, I was crippled by the fear that this ‘thing’ that had overcome me would never lessen or end.

Here is an extract from my diary dated February 20th, 1990. (At this time, I had no idea what was wrong with me.)

Oh Lord, when will this end?
Day after day, I remain trapped
In this endless personal hell of pain and confusion.
I want to get out of myself!
To be someone else, anyone but me.
The me I know is gone, yet somehow I am still me.
I must escape from myself, but
I'm trapped in a suffocatingly small, dark room.
I know there is sunlight outside.
I run, push, and strive to reach that light,
But the room comes with me--I cannot get out!
Why? Because I am the room.
Jesus, for what reason have you allowed this?
Where are you? How long will you remain silent?
They say that others who have been down this route
Have left signposts along the way
To help those like me find the way out.
But where are these signposts?

By His grace and provision, Jesus helped me overcome depression and live a normal life again. And in learning how to cope with depression, Jesus set me free so that I need never again succumb to its depths. Galatians 5:1 ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.’ In conclusion, it was because of what I learnt during my trials of the early 1990s, that I was able to endure the trials of 2003 to 2006 and through Christ, overcome them.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage all (myself included!) undergoing trials and tribulations to establish Jesus Christ as the cornerstone, or foundation upon which to build our lives, and through His strength, endure and overcome those trials in order to live life to the full. John 10:10 Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles

(All verses from NIV)